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He says he doesn't know if we can be more than FWB!

Tagged as: Friends with Benefits<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 December 2012) 7 Answers - (Newest, 24 December 2012)
A female United States age 36-40, *manda 01 writes:

For about a few weeks now, ive had sexual relations with a guy i work with. He is the most attractive guy ive ever been with, and has a beautiful personality. Im completely taken by him, i love his smile, his eyes, his hugs, etc...i wake up excited to go to work if i know hell be there. Since outta the blue, he gave me his number, ive assumed all along he was interested in me before i ever told him how i felt, ive thought we were on the same page. I catch him watching me walk, and he openly admits to it when i question him...so, i ask him if there was a chance wed ever be anything more than friends with benefits, and all he said was he couldnt predict the future. He doesnt say sweet things like "your beautiful", but he keeps direct eye contact when he talks to me..how should i deal with this? Im so afraid ill fall in love with him and he wont share those feelings and ill get hurt! Is there actually a way to tell if he has feelings for me?

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (24 December 2012):

Honeypie agony auntIt's a nice way of saying, I'll F you, but I don't want to date you....

Because he knows you realllllly like him he is hoping you are just fine with whatever scraps he throws you.

Sorry, honey. If you want MORE then just sex and flirtations, I would end it. He isn't it.

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (23 December 2012):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntWhen it comes to "FWB" arrangements, guys are notorious for not really "putting anything" (like feelings or emotions) in to it... since we can be "FWB" simply by getting our penises to feel good....

Women, on the other hand, often "invest" their feelings and emotions in to that FWB arrangement, and hold out hope that it (the "FWB") will become something more... something more fulfilling and thoroughly satisfying....

The "bottom line?"..... until the woman comes to her senses, the GUY has all the power and satisfaction... and the WOMAN is left with the dashed hopes of a "relationship" that never happened.....

Good luck.....

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (23 December 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntIf you want MORE than FWB you need to stop FWB NOW.

He's not interested in more. IF he was you would already know it.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2012):

"Is there actually a way to tell if he has feelings for me?"

Yes. If he had treated you as anything other than a casual fuck buddy, then you would have know he has feelings for you. Since he treats you as his fuck buddy, that's all you are and all you'll ever be to him.

You've already put out for him so from a male POV you have nothing more to offer him so no reason for him to offer anything more to you.

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A female reader, Anonymous 123 Italy +, writes (23 December 2012):

Anonymous 123 agony auntIf he had feelings for you, then he would have told you so. If a guy really loves a girl then he will go to the end of the world to be with her. Playing games would be the last thing on his mind. As regards this guy, he's not going to commit to you OP but he knows that you have feelings for him. The reason why he's being so cryptic and not giving you a definitive answer is because he knows if he says "no" to you right now then that might mean the end of sex for him.

If you are fine with the FWB thing then just go along with it. But remember, you might end up getting very hurt. The best thing would be to put an end to the sex right now.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2012):

the old saying goes "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free!" keep this in mind. i don't think he wants commitment if he's not expressing his feelings to you. feel him out first and TALK to him.

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A female reader, oldbag United Kingdom +, writes (23 December 2012):

oldbag agony auntHi

I would back off, withold the sex and see what happens. If you get in any deeper emotionally you will only get hurt.

So long as he is getting NSA sex he will be happy to settle for that as it requires no commitment, he will tell you anything to keep you sweet.As you work with him it could get awkward too.

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