A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have developed a major crush on my friend of 2 years and I know he feels the same. What I don't know is whether he sees long term potential in us or he's just looking for a "right now" relationship. I know I could ask him but we are in that weird stage. We've gone on a few dates that were wonderful, kissed once, and in one week I'm going away to a foreign country. He invited me to join him 2 months ago when we were just friends. I am 33. He is 40. What are the compliciations of dating a friend? I hate the ruin our friendship by trying to date if it's just a temporary thing. Advice?
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female
reader, bitterblue  +, writes (24 December 2012):
 Well, if he invited you along even before the kiss, now he should probably be all the more excited about it - bring it up (the trip) in your convo and see for yourself. You can tell him what you told us, that you're not interested in a temporary fling - then the rest is up to him to make a move if he can satisfy that condition.
There is always the risk that you won't be able to bounce back into the friend zone if need be, especially if one of you falls in too deep and the other wants out. But let's not go that far. You spotted an opportunity: the nice trip where lots of things can happen and a few good clues that this can actually work, so you might as well give it a try. I for one love to start as friends as the base of trust is already built and that comes in pretty handy... among other factors. Good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@Bitterblue - sorry - I was vague. We live in the same city in the U-S , but he is traveling on holiday for 2 months, and invited me to meet him along the way . I will be with him for 10 days ...
He invited me before we started this "more than friends" dance .. and I feel like it's going to come to a head during the 10 days because we will be sleeping in the same hotel/hostel.
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (23 December 2012):
 Be careful... It can either be amazing, or go sour fast... It's very risky...
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A
female
reader, bitterblue +, writes (23 December 2012):
At first I thought: what's the point in pursuing a relationship if you're going to a foreign country? But then reading again, the country where you are going is where he resides, right? Can you confirm this?It all depends on how long you plan to stay and whether you have other goals there in case you plan to settle in that country. If you don't have a job there or don't find one soon, I see pressure for him because nothing retains you to stay in that land, but for him (maybe not?). A plan B?If you don't plan to settle there, the romance is already condemned to be short lived, so it doesn't make sense either, in this case.If you have big plans, like adjusting to a new job there and you probably need your head and heart together I'd be careful about how to make that move. But since you're good friends, I'm sure you can be very mature and wise about negociating your next step and whether it's a good idea to raise the... pot. In lack of other details, this is the basic advice that I can give.
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