A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing a guy for 6 months, it's long distance, as we live about 90 miles from each other, or a 2 hour drive away.We see each other near enough every weekend now, and he admitted to me at the end of September that he likes me loads more than he thought he would, at first he thought it'd just be a casual thing, bit of fun/sex...you know how it goes! But i'm growing more and more paranoid that he's lying to me. He's got plenty of female friends, one of which he works with, who admitted to loving him a couple of months ago, I can't forget about this as she's constantly posting messages to him that I think are slightly flirty on a social networking site. He's assured me that he doesn't like her in that way, though he has slept with her before. And I can't forget that either.He's had a hard time with his ex's, he talks constantly about the only girl he's ever loved, who ended up cheating on him and lying to him. I can't help thinking he still has feelings for her...I'm sure it's my own insecurities that are making me have bad thoughts, that he's just using me for his weekend girl and at his convenience, but I don't want to drive him away. He's the first guy i've ever had really strong feelings before and I do not want to lose him.It's always me that has to text him first for him to text back, he never sends me a message first to say hi. And i've tried to leave him to make the move, but I don't think he would, he might just think i'm not that into him and finish me.I just miss him so so much when we're apart, should I continue to tell him that I miss him, or does this come across as me being too needy? He used to say it to me a lot at the start of our relationship but he doesn't say it anymore, is this natural or do you think he's trying to cool things down?Sorry for the long and ultimately rather jumbled posting! I will reply to any further questions etc as and when they arise...many thanks! :)xXx
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female
reader, Blue_Angel0316  +, writes (16 December 2008):
 You are welcome hon. I am glad that things have turned around for you. You gave him the space he needed to think things over. He has decided that he wants you and stepped up as the man he needed to be by letting you know.
Now you take a stand and hold firm to his promisies. Don't let things go to quickly. This will keep him from being rushed, thus giving him time to do things as a his own pace. When he is comfortable in going further he WILL let you know. Take your time in letting go of your own emotions to quickly, just in case it doesn't work out in the end so you can Protect Your Own HEART as well.
Merry Christmas!!!!
God bless,
Blue_Angel
^(**)^
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust a quick update guys, a couple of weekends ago he told me his ex had put him off relationships as he only seems to get hurt in them.
On Saturday he asked me if I'd do him the honour of making things more official and embarking in a proper relationship with him. He's even changed things on Facebook which is quite a big thing for him! So that's that. I now have everything I could ever want all in time for Christmas!
Many thanks for your help once again guys :)
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A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (13 November 2008):
You at least know where you stand now. He either doesn't see it as a relationship or even a chance at one. Don't worry hon if he can't give you what you need then you can pursue others things. Take your time and you will find the someone who really wants to give you the very best.
Only God knows who it will be, perhaps in time.......even him. :)
Just a note *When someone gives from the heart it often comes back even when you least expect it. Learn to SEE with your heart instead of your eyes, FEEL with your heart not your touch, LOVE is eternal. It can change in time yet still remain and still be strong while still being love,if even in a different form. Hold onto love but if you must let him go, then do it with joy in your heart so that you can find peace within.
God bless,
Blue_Angel
^(**)^
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A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (13 November 2008):
You at least know where you stand now. He either doesn't see it as a relationship or even a chance at one. Don't worry hon if he can't give you what you need then you can pursue others things. Take your time and you will find the someone who really wants to give you the very best.
Only God knows who it will be, perhaps in time.......even him. :)
Just a note *When someone gives from the heart it often comes back even when you least expect it. Learn to SEE with your heart instead of your eyes, FEEL with your heart not your touch, LOVE is eternal. It can change in time yet still remain and still be strong while still being love,if even in a different form. Hold onto love but if you must let him go, then do it with joy in your heart so that you can find peace within.
God bless,
Blue_Angel
^(**)^
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUPDATE : He came to see me on the Tuesday and Wednesday and we had an absolutely awesome time. He brought up the fact that i'd been 'giving him shit' via text and asked why... We then got distracted by someone talking to us and I forgot to tell him what was up until this morning when I basically asked him what he wanted from this, and what this was to him. He said he didn't know if it was a relationship or not, didn't really know what he wanted, but he feels guilty for messing my head up and hurting me so he needs time to think about us.
Beginning of the end? :(
Gutted as I really like him. I will wait as long as I can for his answer.
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A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (4 November 2008):
You seem to be rationalizing this. You apparrently care alot about him. It's obvious that you want to give him every benefit of the doubt. Please be careful that you don't allow him to walk all over you.
For your sake at least back off and give him all the freedom he needs to figure it out. Once he has the time to miss you and he decides that you are the one he wants, let him be the one to PICK UP THOSE OARS AND START ROWING!! Let him come to you, text you, seek you out. It's only fair as you have done the most giving in this relationship and if you continue to do so it will probably turn out to be for the rest of the time.
This will most likely be true unless he finally reaches the decision that you are the best sure thing and that HE REAllY WANTS YOU and intends to put his best efforts in making the most of this relationship. JUst a *note, most guys really prefer to do the CHASING! So back off and let him come after you! Best wishes!
God bless,
Blue_Angel
^(**)^
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys for your replies, they are much appreciated.Regarding his lying ex, he spoke about her in the past, hadn't done for a while and the conversation recently resurfaced this weekend just gone, he reiterated that he's over her (his words exactly) and as far as he's concerned he never wants to see her again as he hates liars. She's engaged now to another man and she's even lying to him about that, even though they've both moved on... I just think he's as insecure as I am about things.About the girl at work he slept with already, as soon as she told him she loved him (she was drunk, and I was with him that night), we had a big chat about it and he kept saying how he wouldn't go near her as he's really not attracted to her, she sleeps around and she's seriously not his type. I want to believe him and I think I do to some extent, it's just the flirty messages I keep coming across that makes me feel quite uneasy. He's given me NO REASON to think he's been cheating with her - at weekends when we're together, our attention is on each other, surely if he had someone else, he'd be texting her and taking her out on weeknights after work (he's always on MSN with me)As for the texting habits, maybe it's because I like to be reassured at times and be nice and approachable so I text him whenever I think of him, so I expect to get the same back, it's not that simple with men is it! Now he realises he's chased me, and got me, he might neglect that side of things now?!Not seeing him this weekend, but the weekend after, I am up at his place, will pick the right time just to have a little conversation about some of the points raised in your responses.Many thanks for the responses, much appreciated and keep them coming if you have more to add! Thanks.
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A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (4 November 2008):
He seems to still be in love with his ex as he keeps talking about or at least has very special feelings still. He is isn't quite over her. The other girl who slept with him, he either feels guilty or he likes her but doesn't let on to you becuase he loose what you give in this relationship. He doesn't give you the open, honest and caring relationship that you deserve. You are becomming paranoid exhibiting self-doubt and loosing your self-esteem. At best I would classify this on your behalf as a TOXIC RELATIONSHIP or a BASIC ...NON RELATIONSHIP.He is in the boat with you but you are the one doing most of the paddling! I would suggest throwing out the lifeline and if he can't grasp it and hold on enough long enough to make it to the boat...Let him drown! This means you have been giving him all the chances to step up and be the man you need but he is so preoccupied making himself happy he really doesn't give you a second thought. So if he can't give something in this relationship then you should CUT HIM LOOSE! Move and find someone who is going to respect you, care for you and love you the way you should be.It seems that he either isn't ready to move on or he can't for whatever his reason. The wishy-washy man will bring you down and leave you with heartache. You deserve to be treated better than Second Choice or Second Class. Step up and let him know that if he can't give more then you will have to let him go. Try your best to do it with Grace, with Kindness and love yourself enough to let him go. Trust me when I say this. Most of the time if you let someone go they will soon realize what they had. When they begin to notice what they are left with they usually miss what they have lost. Many times they will seek you out, and try to set things right. If it happens it's a good thing most of the time. If it never does then that could be the better thing. If you love something set it free and if it comes back to you then it was meant to be...WHAT WILL BE WILL BE!The guy is too wraped up in himself to be very concerned about you or what his actions are doing to you. Put some space between you, give him time to miss you. I pray that things will turn out the way God intends. Seek his Will. Not my will but Thine be done.God Bless,Blue_Angel^(**)^
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A
female
reader, Miss Potter +, writes (4 November 2008):
 Hi! I think if he likes you he would probably want to hear from you at least once a day, besides you live in the same country, it doesnt cost much to txt. So unless he has got a super busy life, and it doesnt sound he is exactly Richard Branson, he does have time to txt you. The reason why he doesnt is because he doesnt feel the need - thus doesnt like you enough. If its a one off case where he doesnt txt you for a couple of days, fair enough, he really might be busy, but if it happens all the time, I would be worried. Also about you being paranoid - I think if he did his best to reassure you that was nothing special going on between him and that girl in work you wouldnt worry about it. For example, my boyfriend is friends with his ex, I was jealous of course, but Ive given it some thought and rationally speaking he hasnt given me a single reason to feel unsure about his relationship with her, hes just got this calm reassuring manner that makes me feel that I shouldnt worry. In a long distance relationship TRUST is the most important thing going on, if you feel like you cant trust him and he doesnt help, then ultimately it is not going to work.Speaking about his first love - I have to say that if he still has got bitter feelings about the whole thing - and it seems like he is - he tells you about how she cheated etc etc, then he is not over it yet. My boyfriend was married before he met me, and was separated for about 2/3rds of a year when we got together, I remember he was still bitter after they separated, telling me how they have always argued and she was such a swine hehhe. Then when I came over to visit him ten months after we got together he just seemed so peaceful with himself, no more comments on his ex, and moaning about how he has made such a mistake of marrying her. He has gotten over it and moved on. So I guess when a guy has really moved on - he doesnt hold any negative emotions anymore, he remembers the good stuff but the experience has taught him not to make the same mistakes again, he reflects upon that past experience without regrets.Hope this helps
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A
female
reader, Cheater32 +, writes (4 November 2008):
 Hey I read you're post. I think that because this is a long distance relationship you are insecure. I beleive he cares for you why else would he come 90 miles just for sex. Not likely especially if he has female friends already. I do think you should let him text you a few times first. Also confirm and talk to him about wether this is a casual thing or are you exclusively dating each other, this way you know where things stand and it will help to make you feel more assured of where the relationship is going.I hope this helps some!
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (4 November 2008):
So he's going on about how much he loved his ex and flirting with other girls and openly admitted he got with you for fun / sex.You yourself say that if you do so much as not texting him for a while then he will dump you.The signs are there. He just isn't into you as much as you are in to him.Get out before you get hurt.Good Luck!! xx
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