A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:A guy i've been seeing occasionally came to visit me this weekend. He drove 1.5-2hrs to get here. This would've been our 4th "date". During our first two we had just cuddled but on our last date we made out a lot. I wasn't sure what was going to happen this time since he'd be sleeping over.As it got later into the night we played a card game where loser had to take off a piece of clothing. I ended up losing. This is what puzzled me a lot. I was completely naked and he didn't make a move to do anything at all. Usually guys would try to do something but what we ended up doing was laying on my bed while talking and he'd just run his hands over my body caressing me and we cuddled. I was boggled. I went to kiss him and we made out a bit but I could tell he wasn't really into it so I stopped. I asked him if he didn't find me sexually attracted to me. He said he wouldn't say that, he thinks I have a great body and it's sexy. My follow up question was why he didn't bother to make a move and do anything. His said if he starts doing something he doesn't know where it'll lead to and he doesn't usually get into things that fast. He thought where were now was a huge step for him though.He was also going to stay overnight since he lives far from me but my place is a little small and he said it was too hot for him to sleep. He literally would not be able to sleep because he's used to his place which is cold. Here he would end up tossing and turning all night. So he left around 2:30am and drove home. We didn't make any solid plans for the future but he said he'd come visit me again and if his parents go away I could stay over at his place.Now I know he's not gay or anything b/c he's had a few g/f's before. I just did not get it. I'm not sure if he's just a really good guy that was controlling his urges like he said b/c he didn't want to rush things, if he's just being nice and he actually doesn't find me desirable like that in anyway or something else entirely.What's up with this guy? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2008): I agree with anon, he isn't a great catch, he has just had a change of heart.
He saw you naked, didn't seem comfotable, drove all the way home....Decent guy? I think not.
Sorry, but i'm sure you could do so much better, considering he didn't even give you a reasonable explanation.
Good luck.
xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate. It's been awhile. I saw him this past weekend. I will say there is something missing between us and I'm quite sure what it is. To me he still seems a little reserved so maybe we need to get more comfortable with each other. It's like there's a little barrier between us. I'm not sure how to break through this but hopefully it will happen soon.
When I saw him we did end up making out which turned to oral sex. I have no idea what really was going on the other day (the one this thread is about) but he saw me again and we progressed physically in our relationship. I'm happy for that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah, I'm the same person that put up the other post.
I've decided to just not worry about it and will see what happens the next time I we get together, if that even happens. There are a lot of different viewpoints, most of them ones that I've already considered, but I don't know which is the real one. I figure I'll be able to get more of a hint the next time we do something depending on how things pan out there. I'll try to remember to update you guys.
Thanks a lot.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2008): Right dear caller, you been given advice, now it's your call... Please update sometime, and tell us if you met up with him again... Good luck
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2008): Hey. Well to be honest, I couldn't believe that everybody else couldn't see what I read out of your post. Yes, he had a change of heart. A guy does not reject you for wanting to have sex and then leave, without making any future solid plans with you, and drive a TWO hour drive in the OPPOSITE direction of you, because you really sparked his interest. Hope I put it in perspective for you.
And its not because you are ugly. I am sure you are beautiful. And its NOT that he is a really outstanding guy with a big heart and mad respect for women and was just really trying to do the RIGHT thing here and walk away like a gentleman!? C'mon. This isn't a fairy tale. It wasn't that. I told you what it was. Its that you guys didn't have any mental connection, and he probably felt that you moved too fast. That's all.
I mean, yes, perhaps his views on sex are more rigid than yours, but the only reason that he walked away is because he had a change of heart. I find it humorous that others are telling you he is such a great catch, when he pretty much left you. He didn't walk away out of charity. He walked away cause he lost interest. Sorry.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2008): You can go with the majority or you can choose to trust the one. You my dear, can choose to do anything you want. But if you want to let this guy go, post me his address, I think I'll go after him myself...LOL
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIs he a super decent guy (i'd like to think so personally!) or is the one poster correct in that we just didn't connect on a mental level enough? Or did he not find me sexually attractive and just said he did not to hurt my feelings?
I guess it could be either of them right?
I feel like I shouldn't worry about this at all, lol.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2008): Believe it or not there are some guys out there who like to be in a relationship before they have sex. Not all men are sex crazed idiots who need to have sex with every woman they meet.
He does find you attractive, that's why he had to go home because your place got "too hot". He probably had a "cold" shower once he got home. Don't worry, he likes to take things slow, he dosen't sleep around and he probably wants the relationship to develop first before he gets serious with you.
He sounds nice, why not give him a call and tell him how much you enjoyed his company.
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male
reader, oldfool  +, writes (1 July 2008):
 He's taking his time. He possibly wants to be sure before he goes into an intense sexual relationship. The trouble with intense sexual relationships is that they are very hard to break off even when all the signs say you should.
I don't think you should get upset about this. Take your time and wait for him to clear up any doubts or reservations. Once he decides to go ahead, I'm pretty sure you won't regret it! Often it's a good thing to take things slowly.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2008): Wow. Well, no he's not gay. He simply had a change of heart. I'm sorry. Obviously, for him, you both did not that level of comfort where in his opinion it would have been appropriate for this to happen. He just didn't like your approach and got turned off.
What I am saying is that if he had felt a good MENTAL connection with you, he would have jumped your bones. Cause he would know that when the sex was over he could still talk to you and enjoy your company.
What happened was you showed him all your goods without having a good connection with him. Basically, he felt the connection between you both was purely sexual, and it turned him off.
I'll be honest. My mind is ALOT like a man's mind when it comes to dating. I get turned off by the same things. And if I had been dating someone, and they got naked like that, without feeling shy or anything, I wouldn't like it either. To me it spells out a lot of negative associations about that person. Like "if he is so comfortable naked in front of me, I'm practically a stranger, I wonder how many people this person has been with." And stuff like that. In his mind, he maybe he thought all you wanted was to get laid. He just didn't like your approach and the way you tried to seduce him and he associated it with alot of negative things and so he bounced.
If you think there was nothing wrong with your seduction techniques, then he simply was the wrong guy for you. I am sure there are guys out there who would have loved your seduction game.
But if you think maybe you could have done things differently, then I couldn't agree more! Next time try to engage guys more on a MENTAL and friendly level. And be a little more mysterious when it comes to being sexual.
Look, all of the last 3 guys that I have dated, either I slept at their house or he at mine, from the very FIRST date. And all of them fell inlove with me and were smitten. But I engaged them MENTALLY, from day one. And I had sex with all 3 of them within the first two weeks. And they were still smitten. You have to engage them MENTALLY, show them that you are interested for more than just sex. In fact, make them wonder if you even think of sex. You gotta be mysterious. That's all.
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female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (30 June 2008):
 He's a classy guy! Good for you, you found a genuine guy who's NOT A PIG! This is rare and envied!
Stick with this guy, sweetness - he's a winner.
xx India
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2008): Do you like fast guys,cause that seems like that's what
you're wanting.You are blessed to have such a caring,
responsible,considerate,and non-perverted boyfriend.He
respects you and finds you as a million dollar diamond that
he does not want to lose.So give him a chance.He'll know
when it's the right time to get extremely physical.In the
mean time for you,get over your thoughts of thinking that
he doesn't find you attractive,cause he does.If a woman was
seen by many guys naked,then most guys would've surely made a move.So be greatful for what you have and stop worrying so much!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2008): What's up with this guy is that he's more decent than any other guys you have dated. Give him a praise for what he did and not have sex with you on the 4th date and actually wanting to get to know you. I'd say he's a keeper and if you actually want a relationship then stay with this guy.
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