A
female
age
30-35,
*essmca
writes:Okay so my boyfriend and I's past gets brought up a lot.. Like he gets depressed if one of my friends brings up "do you remember when you and him did that??". And just last night we were talking about sex and being naked, and I asked him if I was the first girlfriend he has seen completely naked and he went silent and I asked him if it was his ex girlfriend and it was.. It bothers me a lot and I have recurring thoughts in my head and I get extremely depressed and I can't get it out of my head. It kills me inside when he brings up what he as done in the past with other girls.. and I know I bring up the past too, but it starts to haunt me and he never tells me it bugs him the same way.. How can I get over his past and stop being depressed with these recurring thoughts??... Help me, it kills me inside little by little..
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2010): The past is the past, it is what it is and you can't change it or erase it or replace it. You are young so it's hard to deal with knowing that the other person has a past that doesn't always involve you. As you get older and you get more of a past you will realize that you can't live in the past or else you will miss the present and not enjoy the future you might have. If the past bothers you both so much, quit talking about it. Just accept that it's there and move on. Trust me if you keep dwelling on it it will only break you two up. If you can't get over it then just break up now because it won't do you any good to keep comparing yourself to women that he can't erase from his past. They are gone for a reason and he's obviously with you now.
A
female
reader, Duckyhelp  +, writes (29 May 2010):
 I get this too with my bf, im the same age as you as well so i know how you feel. and my bf had sex with someone before me, and i did with someone before him.
I do also hate the thought of him with his ex, and he feels the same with me too.
so what we do is just not talk about it. Your bf obviously said that to you to show how he feels when you spoke about ur past expiriences. If you dont talk about it. He wont either. and it probs wont really stop coming to mind from time to time. but, you just need to know he likes you and you like him so its fine. its the past and you cant change it. try not to worry about it as it is nothing that he can do about it now.
Hope i helped :)
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A
female
reader, sarahgul75  +, writes (29 May 2010):
 try brainwashing..tell yourself you will not bring up this topic..tell him past issues will not be brought up because it hurts both of you..maybe he can handle it better than you but you cant..if he loves you and cares to keep you happy he wont bring it up again..you also need to watch your mouth..there are better things to talk about..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2010): This might feel like a massive deal now, but when you're older and might meet another guy-the chances are he would have done a lot of stuff with more than one girl before-and some of these girls might not have even made it to girlfriend status.
If you both feel grown up enough to be getting naked (and it says ur age is 13-15) then you've got to be mature enough to get over each others past, what matters now is that while you are together you are comitted to each other and love each other.
Being in a relationship should be fun and you should both be enjoying yourselves :)
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A
male
reader, JazzedUp +, writes (29 May 2010):
 This is a difficult situation, but I\let me point out, that while he is depressed with the memory of seeing another girl naked, that also means that he regrets that you were not the first. I believe that is the way out for you. Obviously he cares about you, and if he falls into depression when he is reminded that you weren't the first, then you could use that too bring him out of the depression. Tell him that you under stand and that you're glad to have him. By telling him you understand that he's sorry for what happened, he should lighten up and realize that you want to make memories with him, not dwell on those long past...
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