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anonymous
writes:I have been dating a guy for almost 2 yrs and he wants me to move in with him at one of his rentals,I suggest getting married and buying a house of our own,but he thinks that is foolish since he allready has one that he likes cause it is in the country.He says if we get a place together then I would have to buy it in case something should happen he could just walk away. I offerd to pay for half of the rental property that he wants us to live in so it would feel like we had a place of our own.But he wants to make sure his children gets all his rentals. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your response,you are all wonderfull. Just want to let you know that my boyfreind and I discussed this matter further and he still suggests I live with him in one of his properties,after I sign a prenactual agreement.. I don't mind signing because I am also financial secure and would want him to sign too,but I would like for us to purcase a home together. He says I am putting demands on him but since he doesn't want to loose me he will think about looking for a place.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2007): I wouldn't hold out for a ring and a commitment too soon, hun. It appears your man is not ready to get married. Getting married would mean all that is his, becomes yours, by law. This has him concerned and he is experiencing a lot of doubts about how far he wants to commit himself in this relationship because he wants to protect his assets from you. This is sad, because you want to build a solid life and a future with him. A man who loves you, deeply and is devoted, would want to commit to you and make sure you have a home, in case something happened to him. He would want you to be protected, taken care of...instead he's protecting himself. You want to share a future, a secure life and a home with him, but it's clear that 'on paper' he wants to keep a home of his own. This way, he has somewhere to go, if you both run into problems. His whole general attitude to this relationship is mistrusting and skewed and he could still have baggage from his life prior to you. You are thinking long term and he's thinking short term.I think it's time you and he had a big talk about what yours and his expectations, really truthfully are in this relationship. Good luck with that, dear.
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reader, Ask Heather +, writes (3 February 2007):
 I agree with Eve, this seems like a "No Win" situation - For You Anyway !! It`s understandable that this man wants to make provisions for his children; but he also needs to realise that you come into the equasion also. Before ANYONE moves ANYWHERE, you both need to sit down and have a Long Long Talk. This situation can only be resolved between the two of you, and you both have to be brutally Honest with each other about what exactly you expect from the relationship, finances, budgeting, inheritances, etc. Often when we love someone totally, we sometimes neglect ourselves. Please think very carefully before making a Life-Changing Decision. With Love, Heather.
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reader, AskEve  +, writes (2 February 2007):
 You need some security here too. Why should you up sticks to live with him in a rented place when you have no security? Tell him you need some security and ask him to rethink the plan and come up with a compromise.
He's looking after his kids but he doesn't seem to be looking after YOUR interests. He's obviously looking after his OWN interests when he's already told you YOU'D have to buy a place by yourself so that if anything happened he could walk away!!!!! How considerate of him!
DON'T move in with him unless you have security love, what he offered you is not good enough, he needs to come up with another plan!
Eve
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