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female
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*onna1972
writes: I have been with my fella for 11yrs and we love each other very much, but im begining to feel he's only with me out of pity and habit. He has a low libido and I'm highly sexed and pester him at least twice a week, which annoys him sometimes. All of his past girls have all been slim and good looking and I'm more of the short dumpy type. He says he don't mind my fat bum as he never known me any different, but I know it does and I know he sometimes he feels a little embarassed of me, although he'd never admit it. His sisters are also very fit and I feel uneasy around them if we go out. I was undressing with the door open and could see his reflection in the mirror he was in the next room and his face said it all, all my worst fears confirmed. His face was screwed up in disgust as he watched me from the back bending over. Now I understand why he doesn't want sex with me. He thinks I'm going daft as I keep hiding my body and can't bring myself to even change in front of him. I feel so embarrassed and sorry for us both. I've tried dieting, but I yoyo all the time, then get depressed and eat even more. I wish you could buy willpower and confidence in the shops. What should I do... leave him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2006): Learn to love yourself-just for "who" you are, dear. You are your own unique self..stand proud of that. You do not need anyone to validate who you are. I'm a little concerned about your bf's behaviour. You need to talk to your bf about what you saw him do. If you are certain- that he did showed disgust in that mirror's reflection, then that is a very telling statement about him—not about you. You may need to sit him down and have an honest, open talk about feelings and respect, in this relationship. And now-please realize a very crucial thing. Having a happy, long term relationship with this bf, should have nothing to do with the size of your butt. What should be most important to this man is the warmth and energy you project in your life. Being a truly beautiful person, is not how you look...it's how you view the world, how you treat others. It really does come from inside. It's all about vitality, compassion, radiance, and the spark of life you show to those around you.
Never, ever let anybody determine how you should feel about yourself. Stay away from people who tear you down and change your body image attitudes. You are comparing yourself to others and being way too harsh on yourself. Next time you are out shopping, look around you at all the different shapes and sizes of people, young and old. And stop being your worst inner critic..it's dragging you down. Self-confidence in a woman of any size is sexy and attractive.
A
female
reader, juliagulia  +, writes (15 March 2006):
 It sounds like you need a self-esteem booster. Rather than always focusing on what is outside of you, maybe you should look inward and try to do some community service or something that makes you feel good about yourself -- rather than feeling bad about the way you look, you could focus on what a good person you are. I know that sounds silly, but I really think it might help. As far as your man goes, he should be paying more attention to you and making you feel beautiful. Sit down and have a heart-to-heart with him and tell him you have been feeling down about the way you look and you need him to make you feel special. I know dieting is hard and it makes you yo-yo when you feel deprived and depressed about the way you look - it is easy to get discouraged. If you really do want to make changes to the way you look, just try to make small adjustments - like going for a short walk every other day, start drinking more water and less caffeine, you know -- the little things start to add up over time. It is better to make lifestyle adjustments than to try some crash diet. Even if you don't lose much weight, you might feel a little better if you are more active. But looks are everything. And I am sure he loves you for who you are. Try to focus on the positive things about yourself and stop worrying so much about your bum! Besides, the phrase "bootylicious" was not created for skinny girls, right?? Sexy comes in all shapes and sizes and all you have to do is work it, pretty lady! Try to feel a little sexier on your own - buy some pretty underwear and wear it just to make yourself feel good! Go out and get a new haircut that you love. Do some small things for yourself and don't let that negative voice take over in your head.
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A
female
reader, bridget +, writes (15 March 2006):
 Aww hunny..I really do hope I am able to help you get willpower and stop putting yourslef under pressure..
And the only way to get willpower is to earn it..
In this case you should confront what is making you upset and annoyed and depressed..
Please do confront your partner about your fears, Id rather you tell him that you are insecure about the way he was looking when you saw him..He might be thinking about something else at the time and you just caught him and thought he was looking at you.. You should also explain to him that you think he has lost affection for you because he refuses to be sexual with you..
Insecurites are important and should be discussed in order for them to be out in the open and the fresh air in..
I think you need more support from you partner and you should discuss your worries with him, I urge you to do so. It will help you understand things a bit better..
Stop trying to diet and change yourself to be something your not, being an INDIVIDUAL is more important that being Barbie, believe me..
You should not consider leaving him as you dont have any proof that he was thinking thoose things.. Im pretty sure if he didnt love you anymore then he wouldnt be in the relationship with you. so dont worry about that part..
I think you are looking to much into things and you really need to interract more with your partner, Get the communictaion going and find out for yourself what his insecurities are and together you could work together..
Good Luck Pet
Jacqueline
xx
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