A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating this guy for 6 weeks now (he's 30 I'm 28). We had an instant spark and the chemistry between has been very strong mentally and physically.On our first date I ended up staying the night at his house, no sex just cuddling and kissing. Each of our dates since then have been really good. We always have a great time together. We both had recently gotten out of serious relationships, he had been engaged and had broken it off 7 months ago and I had gotten out of a 9 year relationship only 4 months ago and he is the second guy I've dated since my ex. From the beginning we both recognized our connection and he had always told me I should continue to date other men to see what else was out there and that he hadn't found a girl like me since he's been dating. On our third date he told me I should continue to date but that he was done dating other girls because he found what he was looking for. I told him I wasn't interested in dating other guys and then he asked me to be his girl. Well we ended up having sex that night which was great, the sexual chemistry was there as well. He's a police officer and part time military so he has two very stressful jobs and he works odd hours so I only get to see him once maybe twice a week. He also expressed to me that he has and still is dealing with depression and mood swings. One day we were on the phone and he was in bad mood and acting very short and irritated. It irritated me so I called him out on it and told him I didn't know if I could deal with that and that I had never dealt with anyone affected by depression, basically I took it personal. So he suggested maybe we should slow down. So to make a long story short, I asked him what he meant by that and he said that it's going so fast that he feels that once the infatuation wears off he's afraid it won't be the same and he feels that we should see other people to make sure we won't regret in the future. He told me he likes me alot and he wants to continue to spend time with me but he rushed into it with his ex-fiance and it ended up really bad. Also that I'm such a good girl and I'm so sweet and he didn't want me to be ever be mad at him like that. I asked him if he wanted to be friends with benefits and he told me no.So now I'm hurt and confused why would he want to see other people? I understand that we should take it slower it has been moving extremely fast. I really have feelings for this person and I don't to end up heartbroken. What do you think his motives are?I appreciate any advice and comments you guys have. Thanks!
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engaged, friend with benefits, heartbroken, his ex, kissing, military, my ex, spark Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much for the advice! I am just trying to give him his space and see what happens.
A
female
reader, KitKite87 +, writes (25 May 2010):
From what you typed, it sounds more like he wants YOU to slow down and make sure HE is what you want. If you had a fight and it didn't turn out well maybe you aren't suited for each other and he is pointing it out. However, as someone with with depression and low self esteem, he might be thinking he is not good enough for you and wants to see if you will continue to hang on, with the added temptations of other people. On the flip side, he might stay with you in a bad relationship because he feels like he cannot easily get into any relationship, or that the women he really wants are not even in his ballpark to notice his "worthlessness." so might be trying to both hang on to you because he really likes you and be encouraging you to find somebody better, because due to his depression, or fighting, he thinks he is not worth committing to for you.
In relationships with fast attraction it does often fade once you start seeing more of the person and they aren't quite what you thought they were at the beginning.
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