| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: my ex and I have been having a fling for a couple years, I had hopes and though it would lead us back together. he would say I love you but I don't want to settle just yet but when I do your the one. I always had the impression we were very close. but he suddenly stopped calling/contacting me the last 3 weeks. I left it alone, gave him space because I didn't want to seem clingy cus we aren't together after all. the other day I ran into him to find out he has a full blown girlfriend. I immediately turned around and left the restaurant. I feel gutted as if we broke up all over again. i have so many questions, I am so angry, hurt. why would he string me along? what happened? why couldn't he have the guts to tell me the truth? why wasn't I enough? how could he say he wasn't ready for me but he is ready for someone else? I feel like sending him an email to give him a piece of my mind..or will that make me look bad? I am just stunned
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2016): "why would he string me along?"
Because he could and you let him.
"what happened?"
His girlfriend probably gave him an ultimatum which he will honor until he thinks it's safe to weasel himself back into your life and bed.
"why couldn't he have the guts to tell me the truth?"
Because he was afraid you'd stop having sex with him.
"why wasn't I enough?"
It's not that you weren't enough, he just wanted to feed his male ego by stringing two women along.
"how could he say he wasn't ready for me but he is ready for someone else?"
Because he didn't want to be trapped into making a promise to which he could be held.
"I feel like sending him an email to give him a piece of my mind..or will that make me look bad?"
It won't make you look bad but he won't care so it will make you look both desperate and foolish.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (24 May 2016):
 You were the "fall back" girl. Not The One. He knew telling you the latter would string you along long enough for him to find your "replacement".
And I will bet you, if SHE doesn't work out he will contact you and give you the same old BS, while STILL seeing her.
Accept that he WASN'T the guy you hoped and thought he was. He wasn't thinking of you at all. HE was thinking of one person, HIMSELF. And he will continue to do that.
CUT him off 100%
You can write him an e-mail, but ... here is the thing. He is not going to give a fly's fart. He isn't going to "explain" himself. All it will do it show him JUST how vulnerable you are. It' basically giving him ammo for NEXT time he will try and use you. So I suggest instead... that you journal HOW you feel.
YOU know what's going on. You just don't like that you didn't see it coming.
You two had a "fling" lasting a couple of years, so not a serious relationship. You were his "go-to" girl. You were the one who was always AVAILABLE. So he took you for granted, strung you along while looking for the next girl.
Like Janniepeg said, his WORDS do NOT match his actions. This guy? All words, empty promises - no action.
Block his number, let his e-mail go to spam, block him on all social website and let him go.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (24 May 2016):
 You were "the one" that put up with this on and off thing. Welcomes him back when he misses you, then off again when he got bored or found someone else. Don't listen to his words, but to his actions. If you were really the serious one, you wouldn't have broken up.
It's not about guts, it's about what he could get away with. A person who feels entitled to have the cake and eat it too will not find just one woman enough. He said he wasn't ready for you in order to buy time. If he had told you the truth then the fling would not have lasted that long.
If you send him an email, it would just feed his ego that you feel that much for him. Treat him like an afterthought, or a lesson learned.
People who lie and deceive are miserable enough. Do you know how desperate it is, to have a need for female attention so much that you have to betray your conscience, and even if it hurts people?
I know you would be thinking what the new woman has that you don't. Don't fall into this trap. Men like your ex, constantly need someone new, unsuspecting because as one gets to know them long enough, they know of their tricks and deceptions. So he is with her because she does not know his faults and they are still in the "can't do wrong" stage. A serial monogamist is someone who finds contempt when relationships go over the 3 year mark because that's when passion wears out, and one could only get excitement out of exes who still pine for them, or someone new.
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A
male
reader, wherelifewouldtakeus  +, writes (24 May 2016):
 It is quite clear to me that you were not just having a fling. He was but you were not, you were emotionally involved and he used those feelings to string you alone. He acted like a piece of garbage and he did it consciously, this is one of those times in life where one is given power over someone and they abuse it.He knew you were still emotionally tied to him and that if he kept telling you: ''you are the one for me'' but i am not ready to settle down just yet'' put your life on hold for me and wait for me to be ready to commit to you'' he knew you would do it because like you said you had hopes of getting back with him.Now! should you send him an email? no, what for? he isn't emotionally tied to you, this email is going to only point out the obvious to him, the fact that; he hurt you, used you, and didn't have the balls to tell you the truth to your face, that he lead you on and took advantage of your emotional openness.Yeah he knows, he knows because he knew exactly what he was doing and in the end he cut you off when he decided to get serious with his new girlfriend because he knows he owes you no explanations.The best thing to do in situations like this one is to move on and allow yourself to be hurt. be angry frustrated and hopeless for a while, but cut him out completely, do not contact him do not text him, do not talk to him in any sort way.Understand that your feelings towards him make you vulnerable and he is not above using your vulnerability against you, it is easy for him to reel you in with promises and things, because that is how the heart is, it believes what it wants to believe ( we have all being there). your only way out is to burn your feelings for him, cut the strings, just incase he ever wants to worm his way back in again.he is no good for you.
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