A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for about 8 months now. Currently, I am not speaking to him. A couple days ago, we were talking on the phone, suggesting ideas about what we should do that day. Well, I put him on speaker phone so I could view my calendar (on my phone), and apparently was causing static on the other end of the line. So he kept asking, what's that noise? "What are you doing?" I just said I was fiddling with my phone, not doing much of anything, really. He then began to complain that what I was doing was annoying because it caused static on the other end, and he didn't like it. He wasn't very nice about how he said that, and so I kinda got annoyed and said he could've said that a lot nicer and that he was kinda overreacting. And so after a while of disagreement over the same Topic, he begins claiming I'm "accusing him" and that I was getting annoying, and after awhile he begins questioning me if I'm happy with him. I am, but at the time I was getting kinda annoyed, but I thought we could just sort it out. Well, it didn't exactly get sorted out. He said if I'm unhappy with him, that the next time we see each other he'll "put me out of my own misery." I found that last remark made by him a bit too rude and unforgivable. And I haven't spoken to him since. He keeps calling me though. And asking to please talk to him. After he said that I tried excusing myself from the phone, he incredulously demanded why, and the end result was me ending the call. I don't know whether to talk to him again or not. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, duce00 +, writes (17 November 2009):
 When most men get REALLY angry its a burst of rage and it is unfiltered, unedited and usually leaves him feeling pretty darned stupid afterward.
He was WAY out of line on that one but what you need to assess in this man is whether he is the psycho type. Has he said or done anything in the past to make you feel this?
It is possible that what he was aiming at with his comment was that he would end your misery of dealing with him and end the relationship. He might have had something really bad going on that day and you mistakenly triggered it. Think of it...sometimes expecting a man to express his feelings properly while angry is like asking a gorilla perform brain surgery.
I understand that the women who have been with psycho's will get really pissed at this view but the fact is ALL men have rage somewhere inside them and it is better to know what the limits of that rage are than assume any hint of it means he is a loony. Rage and abuse are not the same. I will NEVER defend abuse. My first real fight was with dad like a lot of guys who had taken enough, so I know quite well of what I speak.
I think that we need to recognize that women have the same capacity for rage in them too. They execute it quite differently as most men will agree. I have many times wished that a woman would just beat the shit out of me physically rather than mentally torture me on the installment plan for our disagreements.
Sure we can all pretend to be evolved and above anger and rage but it just isn't true. It was not that long ago evolutionary speaking that men were required to have the ability to unload all they had inside them just to survive. We have learned to be more focused with this energy but it is just as present as it was millions of years ago.
If I am wrong in taking the optimist approach on this one I have a couple suggestions of how to quickly solve any further problems you might have. Feel free to PM me.
A
male
reader, Doug102690 +, writes (13 November 2009):
You're holding a grudge against him. Give him a chance to explain what he meant by that and forgive him. Be fair.Communication: the key to a good relationship. Doesn't guarantee you'll last forever, but it does define whether or not it ends or continues on a good note. And Good notes are very nice!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2009): If you stop speaking to each other over such a juvenile disagreement it's best you go your separate ways anyway.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2009): 1 interpretation: "If you are unhappy with him" - the cause of your unhappiness is him, therefore he is the cause of your misery. So, i think that by saying that he "will put you out of your misery", he means breaking up, getting out of your life, so you can be happy again.I think he meant that. At least i hope so....But it seems like he really overreacted, so he doesn't seem to be really emotionally balanced.SO, just in case, meet him in a PUBLIC PLACE and let your mom or whoever you live with about this conversation!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (12 November 2009):
He threatened you? You know you shouldn't talk to him again if he threatened you.
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