A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I really dont know where to start...I need some advice. About 2 years ago I started seeing a guy who I thought was really nice. When we were together 8 months, I read his mobile phone messages. He was saying to his ex girlfriend that he loved her and their child and he was glad they were back together.I can honestly say I didnt have a clue.I was devastated..To make matters worse,2 days later I found out I was pregnant.He was really horrible to me, asking me to pretend it was someone elses,telling lies and said I was going to be a single mother cos he didnt love me and I would be on my own. I was very sick with morning sickness and I was really frightened. I felt as if I had no-one, so I had an abortion at 8 weeks. I have been on antidepressants ever since.To make matters worse, my so- called best friend did not agree with my choice, and told everyone what I had done.The neighbourhood were all talking about me.I just feel that I cant cope anymore with my life.I feel real regret at my abortion and cant stop thinking of what might have been.I have no real friends and feel so lonely.I still see him around and I despise him so much and I am so angry because he always looks as if he hasnt a care in the world. I just feel that my whole personality and mental health has changed and i will never get over all this.....please help me
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female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (31 July 2007):
 You can do absolutely nothing about the attitude of your ex. I hope in the future you come to realise that it was a lucky escape from a man who clearly isn't worthy of your attentions. Having an abortion is a right and it doesn't matter what people in your community are saying now because it is you and your health that are of paramount importance. As the last poster says, you need professional help and should not be scared to seek out appropriate support. You should see your doctor and ask for a referral to a specialist counselling service that deals with women going through abortion-related issues. What you are experiencing at the moment is partly grief and it is very important that you get the right help. Once you have got to a happier place then I am sure you will come to realise that your 'best friend' was anything but that and the ex was not worthy of your attentions.
A
female
reader, Basschick +, writes (31 July 2007):
 You WILL get over this. What I would do if I were you is number one, find a good counselor or a pastor to talk to about what you're going through. It will help to have someone who is non-judgemental to talk about your feelings. Medication may also help in small dosages. The next thing I'd do, is move. Find another city, get another job, and leave the whole thing behind - the horrible boyfriend, the nasty friends who wouldn't stand by you, the nosey neighbors. Pack your stuff and get away from it and start over fresh somewhere that no one knows you, or the ordeal you have gone through and you will be able to put it into perspective and deal with it better. You may always regret having the abortion, but what's done is done and now it's time to quit kicking yourself over it. You did what you felt was best at the time. You've also learned from this experience. Someday you will meet another man and this one will be wonderful. You will use protection when you have sex, and AFTER you're married you will then be able to plan a child together and you will be able to see that everything is going to be okay. Don't give up!!!
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (31 July 2007):
 How horrible.
Some men dont have a care in the world!
Its mother natures way sometimes to kick us in the teeth i think!
Im so sorry you feel you did the wrong thing, but from an outsiders point of view, i am not so sure. This is where mother nature changes the goal posts to suit herself!...Because one day you will meet someone thats actually able to give a fcuk about others & you will have a family with a decent guy & thank god you didnt bring a child into this world that had such a heartless toss pot for a dad.
Learn from it. Choose a good man as a father.
I had a miscarriage at 16, with a guy that i married at 18, i divorced him at 21, that now i look back, i wouldnt of wanted to be the father of my kids in a million years! That child would be 18 now. Hes still poncing about doing bugga all of any use to anyone in his life. Hes even worse than when he was with me! And your talking 15 odd years ago!
Sometimes theres a saying 'its a blessing in disguise' and my mum said it to me when i lost that baby when i was 16. i thought she was a heartless cow at the time but boy oh boy, i know where she was coming from now!
Sod what the neighbours think. Its got naff all to do with them! Would they want to have a child with a cheating scum bag that was with his ex playing you both?
Nah i dont think they would!
Hold your head up high girl!
You got out, his ex is still so screwed that shes stuck with him.
Onwards & upwards i say!
C xxxxx
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (31 July 2007):
 Okay honey, a problem of this magnitude calls for a professional. You need to find a therapist who deals with depressed people. Talk to your doctor and see who he/she recommends. Make an appointment ASAP. You will start feeling better immediately and over time will get back to being yourself. Just do whatever the therapist suggests and you will come out of this in one piece. Keep us posted on how you are doing.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2007): That's horrible. I am sorry. I had an abortion abt. 5 yrs. ago. I now am not with the guy who would have been the father of my child. I am glad though b/c he turned out to be an abusive psycho who refuses to work. So..I think abt why it's good that I didn't have the baby. I have a new b.f. and we have a 3 mo. old & I am preg. with our 2nd baby. You can move on. Get off anti-depressants, they make you feel like you're going nuts. I used to take them. Move to a diff. city. Meet new ppl. and get a boyfriend. Don't tell him abt. the past mistakes until you've known him a long time. Be careful to not get pregnant until you've known him a long time. I knew my currnet b.f. for 6 yrs before we got together. I am happy now, back then I was not. You can move on, you just need to start the steps to do so.
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