A
female
age
36-40,
*osephin
writes:I dont even know whether to call him husband or not,well i met this married guy 2yrs back.his wife cannot conceive and they have tried medical help in vain.At first i was reluctant giving into him for the obvious reason he is married.He managed to convince me beyond doubt that he would devorce his wife for me.I have been patient we have been going out almost 3yrs now but he has never fulfilled his word.am so worried because i hv been underground for a long time now and worst of all i feel like a husband snatcher and a home breaker.I realised he respects his wife a lot and he cannot stand disappointing her including hanging out with me at certain times.pls advice me on this as am tempted to move on alone though it might be hard coping with someone else.
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male
reader, Dodds +, writes (15 June 2011):
 Sorry about the situation you find yourself in,the first red flag at the beginning of the relationshp is that he is a married man,no matter what spark of attraction you felt for him at the start you should have walked away.He is carrying on behind his wifes back for two..three years now? Do you want someone who can just easily cheat and justify it coz some needs in the relationship arent being met? What if by some miracle he actualy leaves his wife(which after all this time i doubt) what makes you think he wont do the same to you when you both experience one problem or another?Are you sure you are the only woman he has told he will leave his wife for? What if the one with the problem is him,as far as getting a kid is concerned?(that doesnt mean you try n get paged by him coz youre in much of a mess as it is now)Right now you are the mistress in the background wrecking his marriage preventing him from taking steps to repair it. Do you feel nothing for his marriage? Ok despite how wonderful he makes you feel around him,have you really thought things through beyond that?To be honest i dont see him leaving his wife no matter what,he is just saying what he needs to say to you to keep you around,maybe they arent even trying to conceive now let alone having problems trying,so despite what he told you what other facts do you have?You know he should have done the honourable thing and left her first if he was unsatisfied and no longer loved her so what does that say about him as a man? And what does it say about you and your choice of partners?What you should do is give him an ultimatum and if he doesnt pull through move on coz right now he is just bored with his marriage and imagine when the honeymoon phase of your fling is over what he could just as easily do behind your back if youre the wife
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2011): "Words to live by: ONLY date single men. Not 'almost single', not 'sort of single' and not ones who are only recently single."
No truer words to be spoken.
He has told you your place in his life, you are his "woman on the side", not the main dish.
Find someone who thinks of you as you want to be thought.
If, on the other hand, you want to be the "woman on the side", continue doing what you are doing, because that is all he's ever going to treat you as.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2011): He has no respect for his wife, Having an affair with you for three years just proves that. He will no leave his wife for you because he has got the best of both worlds, you can never trust a man that can be that deceitful for that long, if he left her for you whos to say history wouldn't repeat itself. You need to wake up and realise the reality of this situation, get yourself out there and forget about him, even if you love him he cant offer you the life that you want so try and move on without him, make a fresh start and find someone who you dont have to sneak around with. No relationship should be built on lies. Maybe he does love you and is only with her for the sake of it but you need to cut ties now, if its ment to be he will come to you but all this waiting in limbo is doing neither of you any favors. I think your better off with a guy who is unattached but making the break now sooner or later will show you the truth of the matter and exactly where his loyalties lie.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2011): Words to live by: ONLY date single men. Not 'almost single', not 'sort of single' and not ones who are only recently single.
Pay more attention to actions than to words. Talk is cheap and people can say anything. It's what they DO that counts.
He isn't leaving his wife for you. Even if he were, it's not up to you to wait for him, but for him to hurry up for you.
Dump him.
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A
female
reader, Star xxx  +, writes (14 June 2011):
 I think you should move on, if he has not left his wife in three years he has no intention of doing so and why should he when he has the best of both worlds.
I have seen the damage done to all involved in affairs and it destroys so many lives. You will find the right person for you who is willing to commit to you 100%.
Take care x
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A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (14 June 2011):
 my heart bleeds to think of the long lonely times you endure. And how you mark time in this relationship. Always hoping that things will get better.
He would not have chosen to enjoy your company unless you were attractive and pleasant. Plus accomodating to his needs.
These are attributes that would also appeal to a more honorable man who would romance you and ask you to marry him. And then marry you.
Your are unattached.
He is not. He can offer you nothing.
If you need some counselling to wean yourself away from his manipulations, then get the counselling.
Expect him to try very hard to change your mind. So don't tell him about the counselling. Don't open the door to him.
Don't relent when he puts on his exceptional cute charm.
He has a wife and he does not intend to leave her, ever.
It hurts, hurts, hurts.
But this cheating husband is doing you no good. And eroding your self esteem.
And remember: ANY man is NOT better than NO man. If that ANY man is married or in a relationship then he is NOT available. Far better to have a break before you recommence dating.
Next time don't allow any attraction to flourish between you and a cheater.
Choose to list one of your 'friends' in DearCupid as the great Uncle on DearCpid called ''Anonymousmale1''.
Because ''Anonymousmale1'' has the Best articles in his column page - especially his article on the ten signs a man is a 'Player'. Players are men to avoid, to ensure you allow yourself to meet a nicer sort of guy. A really good guy will help you find future happiness.
He will not leave his wife, instead he is wasting your time. You do not need to put your life on hold, all for this cheater. The biggest problem is that you feel emotionally emeshed with this man. But that is far more than he deserves.
Try to get away from this bad situation. When it suits this cheater he will replace you with another.
There will always be a series of excuses from this cheater. The excuses could go on for another ten or twenty years. Is that what you want?
My very best wishes to you for your future happiness.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 June 2011):
 yep i think you need to move on alone.
it will be hard at first but eventually you will recover and feel much better.
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