| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: Dear cupid. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 months now and everything was going alright until i asked him why he had never attempted to give me oral sex when i have given it him. Basically he said it was because i smelt different from his ex girlfriend. I don't have any STIs and I wash regularly...I feel really ashamed and self conscious of myself now and I feel like I'm not as good as his ex and that maybe he would prefer to be with her. Do u think im over-reacting or am i right to be upset with what he has said? I feel so confused and so digusted with myself for not being good enough.
View related questions:
ex girlfriend, his ex, oral sex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2007): I understand completely! My boyfriend wasn't that rude with me but he did say he doesn't like giving oral except he won't say why he doesn't like it. I started wondering what was wrong with me and maybe I smell bad or something. Anyways I'm not giving him head anymore because he never reciprocates. I'm getting angrier and angrier just thinking about it but at least I know I'm not alone--other women go through the same thing with their men unfortunately.
Don't let him get away with it! Give him an ultimatum--oral sex or he's history. If he still refuses he must not care about you at all.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2006): Like they all say dump him. Really find out what is going on in his head. Get some sweeet smelling sexy lotion and let's see how his tounge works on your pussy. No blow jobs until you are satisfied.
...............................
A
female
reader, midgetgem +, writes (14 August 2006):
 You're not being over-sensative, he's being INSENSATIVE. Don't feel disgusted with yourself because of this stupid man, you're good enough for him to want to have sex with and to let you do stuff to him, he's just either too selfish to reciprocate or just too ignorant to care about you and your pleasure. My advice would be to stop giving him oral sex until he sees the light or better yet, just get rid.
...............................
A
male
reader, NorGermIsh +, writes (12 August 2006):
 I can't believe what I read...honey your guy is braindead when it comes to pleasing a woman, orally or verbally...!!!!I THINK YOU SHOULD TELL THE GUY YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE GIVING HIM HEAD ANYMORE BECAUSE HE IS SOOOOO MUCH smaller THAN YOUR LAST BOYFRIEND. I am not a vindictive person but this needs vindication...tell him he has a small prod and walk away.
...............................
A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (12 August 2006):
 I agree with the others...dump him, or stop having sex with him at least! If your body is good enough for him to stick his 'you know what' in, and your mouth is good enough for it too then your bits and pieces shouldn't be a major challenge for him. He said something stupid to stop you asking as maybe he doesnt like doing oral full stop. He may have told his ex the same thing to keep her quiet so don't take it personally. Either way you should put him on a nookie famine for a while...it may change his attitude!
...............................
A
female
reader, carlyuk +, writes (12 August 2006):
 Im sorry to say this bbz but u should dump the prick!!!
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (12 August 2006):
 If anyone deserved to taste the curb, this is the guy!
...............................
A
male
reader, David Lewis +, writes (12 August 2006):
 Ignore him babes, find yourself a more sensitive guy.
Dont let his rude comments affect your self confidence.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2006): if he wants his old girlfriend he can have her. dont be a rebound or a substitue. if he cant enjoy the taste of your ladyhole then ploitely suggest he might prefer the smell of a big sexy man croch. what a dickhead. Get a new boyfriend
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2006): Sweety, I am sorry you are experiencing self doubts about who you are, all because of this guy's ignorance. I really think that you need to evaluate how much you are willing to lose over this relationship with such an uncaring person.. If your bf was an honorable, respectable guy who truely cared for you as the unique individual you are-he would never, ever had said such a horrible thing to you. Like WendyG states..he might be uneasy about performing oral sex on a woman...but why not just tell you that so both of you, can come to a decison in regards to whether you can do without that. But, .comparing you to his ex gf was waaay out of line. So what does that tell you about him? Sometimes in life we meet people who 'tear us down' with no thought for another's feelings. Dear, you have only invested 3 months in this guy so I am not sure what you want to do with this situation. Do you want to continue a relationship which such a insensitive, broken young man? I know if it were me, I'd end it. No amount of love feelings could ever make me remain with such a man, who would insult me in such a way, especially the unecessary comparison to his ex gf. Sometimes women have to discriminate people who are good for them. I think a good lesson to learn for all people is that when an partner/bf acts out this cruelly, a positive change will not be made until the offended partner (you) puts his/her foot down and says firmly: "No more of this!" When you lose your boundaries, you get forgotten, feeling resentful, and used. This is 'not' love, dear. Sadly, many women fall in love far too easy after having sex with a man. So it may be hard to let go. When someone's bf/gf overlooks their responsibilities in a relationship and disregards the other with insults, it is high time to re-evaluate. Remember, there are a lot of men out their who will love you and accept you as is.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2006): That is highly unbelieveable. What an insensitive jerk.
Why would he suspsect that you would "smell" the same? Some men just are oblivious.
Honey, if he is still stuck on the Ex girlfriend and refuses to adjust and accept that you are you and that your scent is now for him to accept...dump him.
It sounds like he can fantazie about a certain someone and the scent ruins it for him. He sounds like a selfish creep Sweetie.
Tell him how you think and feel. Let the jerk know.
He needs to know that a woman who feels ashamed and ugly or not good enough will directly effect her sexual appetite. He needs lessons in sensitiviy ASAP.
Tell him how you feel and what his statement has done. He needs to know because he needs to think about you and he is your partner and honestly is always best.
This in no way should offend his ego as you are not telling him he has sucky oral skills.
That statement of his was very revealing of his insensitivy to a lover as well as screams SELF INVOLVED twit.
I hope he can listen to your needs and wants Babe.
*hugs*
...............................
A
female
reader, Wendyg +, writes (11 August 2006):
 Hey there!
Personally I think its a cop out... just him being downright lazy.. He needed an excuse because you challenged why he had never performed oral on you and that was the first thing that came into his head. He probably didnt perform it on his ex either! Sounds like this guy is all for what he can get and so long as you are performing oral on him then things are A ok... I would refuse to perform oral on him, hes not as bothered about you as you are him, if he really wants oral from you then hes got to learn its a two way street and recipricate. I wouldnt go worrying about you not smelling right, it was just as excuse on his part, and besides we are all different anyway and we all do smell different! Lets face it hes not even attempted to give you oral sex as you say, so how the hell does he know what your "true" womanly scent is! Hes got a real cheek and I for one wouldnt let him get away with saying such a thing, hes a cruel for saying it, dont go worrying about your scent we all have our own smell its normal! Tell him if he doesnt like it take a hike, I dont see how you can move on from this when he has made such an insult to you about your personal self, i would feel very angry towards him and at the very least you should get an apolgy for him spouting off like that insulting you when its just him being lazy! If you are going to stay with him you will at least need to talk to him about it and get this out otherwise you will always have this self doubt(which by the way is not you its him!) Refrain from all sexual activities and when he mentions why, just casually say something along the lines off, i noticed you have a bit of body odour go take a shower! Make him feel like he made you feel and he may see that he shouldnt have said it, if he shows no remorse and thinks nothing of it then i think you need to move on from him, hes a very insensitive, uncaring, lazy individual!
...............................
A
female
reader, Amethyst +, writes (11 August 2006):
 Heyheyhey! Don't be disgusted, or feel ashamed. You're guy is just being an A$$HOLE!!! He has NO RIGHT to say something like that. What does it matter that you SMELL differently down there?! If my guy said something if we ever try that... I'd smack him as hard as I could! And I love him dearly, but I'd do it! I'm spiteful with this sort of topic, so I'd honestly give him a taste of how it feels. I'd say next time, lead him on. Make him think that he's going to get oral sex again, and then go for it. Stop. Sniff. And gag, "UCK! You smell like fish?! Is THAT what she smelled like." Or something horrid like that. Me though, I'd bite, but no, don't be like me.... I'm a bad example.*washes mouth out* Sorry. Vulgar mouth. You should tell him that you're really hurt at his messed up comment. It made you self conscious, ashamed, and disgusted, and you shouldn't have to feel that way. Ask if maybe he's just afraid to give it to you, but he just wanted it himself? I say, if he doesn't confess something soon, or give you a shot REGARDLESS of your "scent," either you should stop giving without receiving or you should dump him. If he cared about you he'd want to make you happy.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2006): that's a really awful thing to say. everybody is 'different' down there. that's nothing to be ashamed of. anyway, if he's so concerned that your 'scent' is different from that of his ex, then maybe he should just go back to her, seeing as how he feels the need to compare you to her. either way, that's messed up. so no, i don't think you're over-reacting. i mean, imagine if you told him you wouldn't give him head because he smelled different then your last boyfriend. i'm sure he'd feel pretty crappy, too. tell him how you feel. talk to him. maybe things will change.
...............................
|
