A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and i have been on a break for a month i have just come back to find out that he has been seeing two girls while i was way but the hole time i was on holiday he was telling me that he wanted to make another go of things. I had to find out this from a friend who had heard about it in the local beauty salon! I feel like a fool coz everyone knows an don't know what to do? help!
View related questions:
a break, on holiday Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (13 February 2008):
 "How will i be able to move on? and how will i stop myself from falling back into this same mess i'm a very week person when it come to things like this i guess thats how i got myself into this mess!"If you really do want out you need to tell him it's over for real, tell him it's not working, tell him what you wrote here. You'll need to cut all contact and concentrate on YOURSELF for the time being.Following the break up I was so tempted to get in touch so I actually seleted her telephone numbers, deleted any emails, if your friends on any social networking sites (facebook, myspace, bebeo) then remove them.Gifts and things that remind you of him should, not necessarily be thrown away unless you really want to, but at the very least put out of sight.I'm sure there are more tips which others can recommend too.It's not easy but you have to be strong. Likely he knows you're "a very week person when it comes to things like this" and he plays on it.I know this probably looks like hideous self promotion but I did write an article on how I dealt with breaking up with my EX a few months ago now. The relationship, like yours, was extremely volatile and very unhealthy.The fact she managed to wear me down, dash all my confidence meant my self esteem crashed... This kept me in the relationship until one day I had enough. It took me a while to get the old me back (I didn't actualyl recognise myself towards the end of the relationship) but it was definitely worth it!Anyway, here's the article... Have a read and see if you can use any of the ideas here:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-to-get-over-your-ex.htmlBE STRONG and let us know how you get on :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHow will i be able to move on? and how will i stop myself from falling back into this same mess i'm a very week person when it come to things like this i guess thats how i got myself into this mess! help?????????????
...............................
A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (13 February 2008):
This sounds like an extremely volatile relationship, if you can call it a relationship at all, and from what you describe - a complete mess.
I think you both would be better off apart. Your relationship was built on a very rocky foundation due to his cheating ways and from what you said in your reply things are not getting any better.
Personally, I think it's about time you finished it for good, move on and find someone who is trustworthy and faithful.
How long do you think this can go on for? Stop falling for his "guilt trips" and I say dump him.
At the end of the day though it's your choice and you do what you feel is best. Just make sure it's what's best for YOU :)
Best of luck!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks.
Ok so little bit of history me an my bf have been together since school after we left school it became a case of he would cheat on me i would cheat on him! In the year 2006 my bf an i both went on a seperate group hoilday (boys /girl) We once again i had to find out from some1 else that my bf had cheated on me! This one for me made up my mind to end things and i went to Australia for 5 months. I was at my lowest. Still speaking to my bf as i left on gd terms he begged me to come home..so i did. To then find out he had been seeing this girl while i was away. Yes we wasn't together but why beg me to come back if your seeing some1 eles? After that i ended things an moved on i got a new job ,new friends an was moving on with my life. But once again we decided to make ago of things for a while things were perfect but i think i had lost respect for him after all the things he did to me an i started to see other people as we were on an off so much. I never told my bf untill i met some1 i was thinkin of starting a relationship with. But once again my bf begged me not leave him an how much he loved me blah blah i didn't get back with him i just started seeing him again but i was acting like i was single going out all the time an just seeing the bf if i had nothing betta to do. (I don't doubt for a second that he was sleeping with other people) I then got tired of these games an we sat down and talked about everything (something my bf finds hard to do) we decide to make another go of things but i still wasn't happy summer 2007 we went on another seperate group holiday i meet some1 i really became fond of but as i was with the bf i didn't cheat on him. When i came back of holiday i told my bf i had met someone an that i was leaving him so i once an for all did! after a month of my bf sending me flowers ringin me turning up everywhere i went i saw a diffrent side of him an really thought he had change so i got back with him! I feel he never forgave me for that as he would love to bring it up in an argument! My bf's dad owns a pub where these two girls both worked an got sacked for fighting over him! we live in a small village so news travels fast my local beauty salon is where a friend of mine from out of the area heard to girls talking about how my bf an how he had sleeped with both of them. I have asked him and he told me he only slept with 1 of them an the other 1 was more of a friendship uh but he kissed her (jane)! but jane hurt me most coz he has spent time with her its more personal then just a 1 night-stand! He told Jane that when i get back he was gonna make another go of things with me! He wanted the break.Telling me this 2 days befour xmas ! No reason given why.... i think we all know now why! My friends all think i should just move on as they can't understand how you can cheat on someone if you love them. I know that sounds right but i know i loves me and i love him so much that this hurt so bad. I can't eat , sleep i just cry all the time. What scares me most is i think deep down i know i can never be happy again with him as to much as happend an if i could turn back time i would!
...............................
A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (12 February 2008):
Hmmm... Whilst I do agree with red1982 to a certain extent. I don't actually agree with seeing other people while on a break until I know exactly where the relationsip stands. However, some people see a break as just that... A break from each other and feel it's quite acceptable to date others during this time.
There is no right or wrong answer to this one. Afterall, you were on a break.
Why did you take a break in the first place? This would indicate that something was wrong with your relationship somewhere.
Did you call for the break? If so then I don't think you've really got any right to expect him to wait around for you while you go away on holiday leaving him behind, come back and make your mind up. Of course, I suppose if he were certain about wanting to be with you then I imagine he wouldn't have seen those other girls while you were away and wait for you, but I suppose at the end of the day you were on a break.
Do you know for a fact anything happened with those other girls?
If he called for the break then maybe he was unsure about the relationship? Now that you're back and he's been out with a couple of girls, perhaps he's realised his true feelings for you and wants to give it a proper go? Everyone makes mistakes and I'm sure you've made some too.
I had a situation last year where my EX wanted a break before she went away on holiday and, while she was away for 11 days, I sent her a few texts with no reply. Still, I didn't go out with other girls, just spent time with my mates (and I did get hit on when I was out but I was completely disinterested), when she got back we ended up getting back together. I really missed her while she was away - it was almost unbearable!
Why she wanted a break before she went away on holiday, I must admit, I did wonder. I suspected she just wanted to forget about me while she was on holiday and "enjoy" herself if you know what I mean. One of the reasons we split up for good in the end.
At the end of the day, I think there's more to this story we'd need to know to give you a proper answer:
a) Why did you take a break in the first place?
b) Who called for the break?
c) Did anything actually happen with those other girls?
At the end of the day, if you want to be with him and he wants to be with you then you can give it another go. However, I think before you do this you need to think about the reasons you took a break in the first place and whether the relationship is right. Don't just give it another go because you haven't got anyone else... That would be a wrong reason.
Without knowing more that's my view but YOU got to decide what it is YOU want and do what makes you happy.
Best of luck :)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your reply! We have been togther on an off for about 4 years. An apart of me feels that it is time to let go once an for all. Its just so hard as i love him so much an his like my back bone when things go wrong i turn to him i'm scared of never having that feeling again and even more scared of seeing him with someone eles.I have such mixed feeling! But i know that staying together would be hard as i could forgive just not forget!
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2008): Who had the idea to go on a break?
I am big on reversing break ups and have read a lot about, so much so that I reversed a seemingly broken forever relationship.
There are many tactics to attract a lost mate, and one of them is to date others in order for the lost mate to see what they have lost, value the person they have dumped, see them through another persons eyes etc etc.
MAYBE your BF has been using these girls in order to get your interest level back as you didnt go on a break because everything was clicking and working did ya?
Why dump him, walk away, judge his character etc if he has maybe done it to shock you into seeing that if you not want him, others do.
...............................
A
female
reader, red1982 +, writes (12 February 2008):
He may genuinely want to try again, but didn't want to burn his bridges with the other girls as he wasn't sure if you would want him back. Some people think it's OK to do this as 'you are on a break' That's not something I agree with but have seen through my friends quite a lot. I think the hardest thing to get over is the embarrassment of everyone knowing but you.
It doesn't sound to me like your boyfriend is mature enough or ready for a committed relationship. I mean one girl would be bad enough but two shows that he's just interested in sex - not a loving relationship.
Even if you did feel that he was ready could you forgive the deceit??
...............................
|
