A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need some adviceee so badly! ...ok well, me and my boyfriend been together for 3 years, we share the same friends, go to the same places and same uni, but because we're opposites we are always arguing, I understand that every realtionship has its flaws...this week however, my boyfriend lied to me about a text message he received from some girl at work, it wasnt the fact that he got this message its the fact that he lied about it...first he said the message was from a guy mate and then he said a girl...and then later he told me her name and bla bla...but everything he was lying about came out...He always argues with me which I sometimes find funny, however, hes never lied like this before.. whats made it worse is that he swore on my life and was looking right into my eyes when he said it. That's what made me cry last couple of nights.. I mean.. what the hell do I really mean to him!? Even after this lying and crying like a foool in his car, i said i still want to be with him, as long as he doesn't make me look like a bigger fool and figures out how he can fix this but the thing is..as soon as he goes home...he comes online..argues with me about the pressure of a relationship and says you know what.. I can't do this with you...I don't know how I feel about you..because you keep asking me questions' SLAP IN THE FACE FOR ME OR WHAT!I feel so f*cked up right now, because I was one of them independent kinda gurls...loud...confident and I never cried...but the most crappy thing is.. that I honestlyyyyy love him loads and dont know what to do?!....Help me? x x x
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2007): Some questions for you to ask yourself. Why did he lie to you in the first place? Would you have been upset if he had told you the truth of why this female messaged him? You said he's never lied to you before. If he doesn't have a history of lying then I am seeing a guy here who 'knew only too well' how you would have reacted, if he told you the truth. I think he made a bad attempt at lying to spare himself some grief and a big headache. You stuck him 'between a rock and a hard place', dear. If he lied or told you the truth...you're reaction would've likely been the same. Sweety, you sound very insecure and very controlling. And controlling people are very frightened, scared people. And what is there to fix? You caught him in a lie, you both discussed it-he likely was prepared to apologize and move on. People make mistakes-humans are flawed! He sounds like an honorable guy and you love him. Calm down, get your head on straight and think this through. Give this a few days and then ask him to come and talk to you.And when he does, give him a break, sit down and just maturely and calmly, sort it out.God luck, dear.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2007): Dear lady first of all u learn to the relation betweeen a man and women these are two different roles on the earth of any leaving creature.
The general feeling of man and women is always quit opp and male is always a dominating carrator defenetly he always things about opp person but at the same time he will not expect the questioning him, so suggest u pl work from his side not to question him first thing and care him for his needs, you see within 10 to 15 days he will back of you.
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A
female
reader, Bug123  +, writes (17 March 2007):
They advice i give you, yes give him some space but this doesnt allow him to ever lie to you. As long as your nice to him and aren't come crazy jealous girlfriend then why lie? Unless he is scared and hiding something from you? As you said you were once some independant women that's what probably attracted him too you in the first place. I am advising you to be that women again but again treat him well, when you show him that you can carry on being yourself and not needing him and knowing what he is doing 24/7 will chock him. Keep the relationship open by trusting him and taking day by day..dont go threw life being scared of him meeting someoen else or doing something wrong. Plus guys make mistake's, give them 1 chance. Once they screw up again, and im not talking about forgetting something or something to minimal im saying something huge that he would do over again..leave him. And do not let him disrespect you.. if he says he doesnt know what to do because this scares him, let him be give him his space.. stop begging him or showing your some crazy women. I am sure your a real ncie girl with real values and morals, your not dumb either if some girl would ask youu the same advice you would probably be saying the same tihngs im telling you.
Good luck.
xxx
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A
female
reader, Donna1234 +, writes (17 March 2007):
calm down, all guys do this at least once in a lifetime. Us girls are just more sensitive then guys and need to be considered. Ask him who she is and why he could not tell you about her before, three years is a long time for a relationship and this is just a rocky patch, but the good times will see you throuh as long as there are no secrets from both parties.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (17 March 2007):
 What you need to do is cut your guy some slack! Give him some breathing space and trust him some more. The way you're acting just now you'll only push him into some other girl's arms. Ease off on him a bit and let him breathe!
Eve
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2007): Gosh I know how you feel, its so hard to see things clearly whe you really love someone. If one of your friends wrote the message you just did and asked for your advice what would you say? Im guessing you would say that she could do much better than to be made so unhappy by a guy who is lying to you and also telling youhe doesn't know if he wants to be with you or not. I woul dtry to get over this guy and move on and get back to being your confident fabulous self again.
Good luck xxx
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