A
female
age
36-40,
*emonyliz
writes:I have been dating this guy for a month. In general everything has been pretty good. From our first date on, things have just been pretty serious. Our dates tend to be all day affairs, we see each other 3-5 times a week, we talk on the phone and text throughout the day, etc. He made it clear on our second date that he didn't see any point in dating anyone else, etc. So I was and have been under the impression that we are exclusively dating. He has made mention of plans for the summer, in which he intends for us to still be together and do some traveling together, etc. Then, today, I found out via a friend who is on a dating website, that he has a profile on this dating website and is active on it quite frequently. Including having been on it while supposedly "getting ready to come see me" and so on and so forth. Also, his profile on the dating website says that he is single and while we haven't officially given ourselves any title beyond "dating", it still seems shady to me that he doesn't have it set to "seeing someone" or something along those lines. Now I have been cheated on through dating websites and I made it clear from the start that I wasn't a fan of them. He had mentioned then that he had, had them in the past but that he just wanted to be with me, etc. and that he never went on them/had deleted them. now I feel like I am going crazy assuming that on nights when he was too busy to go out that he was with another girl, or that the texts that he gets while we are together are from other girls etc. I haven't confronted him about this yet, but I am going to and I don't know what to do. Is this grounds to break up? Does this count as lying? What are the odds that he is cheating? Can it be considered "cheating" if we have only been together a month?Help!
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female
reader, lemonyliz +, writes (21 February 2011):
lemonyliz is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo, I confronted him, just explained that I felt mislead, and that I knew that he was still on a dating website and still active. He apologized and explained that he had tried to delete/deactivate the account but because of his payment plan for the website, they won't delete his account until his payment plan is up or something like that. I guess he tried to and his profile will still stay listed until he hits the end of the paid for cycle and then the profile will be deleted, he said it had something to do with them not wanting to refund him for the time that he has already paid for, but would not be on the site or something like that.
Does this sound realistic to anyone else? I find it a decently realistic excuse. He said that the reason he had been active on it recently is because he was seeing when his pay period would be up and seeing if he could make it so they would stop sending him email alerts when people do send him messages etc.
I guess I am still skeptical. I mean, he offered to let me see his profile and the message history etc. to prove that he hasn't been talking to anyone else or anything, but I can't help but think that he could easily go in and edit all that stuff before showing it to me, so I don't think it would do much to quell my fears and may make me more paranoid because than I would see the types of girls he WAS talking to pre-dating me. He also said that it will be deleted by the beginning of March which is when his pay period is up, or whatever.
I just don't know what to think because I confronted him about it on Saturday (2 days ago) and I found that he went on it again on Sunday (as in yesterday) so after we had talked about it and he had promised he wasn't talking to anyone and it was just logistics that he was messing with but I can't help but wonder what he had to do on their yesterday if he already messed with the logistics. I want to ask but I also don't want to seem psychotic, constantly bringing this up and keeping tabs on every time he logs into this site, especially if it IS innocent... but I don't know. I am so confused, please help.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2011): HI . I too have exactly this problem. My BF ( Now ex) has been on one since we started dating. He said he uses it for just chatting, and has never mader a secret of using it. However, it can mak you feel very ver insecure. I still feel like he cheated on me, even if he didn't. He was insisten that he was chatting only, and I argued wuth him about it, and he would not take his profile off. He says he is on it just to see =who has viewed him etc. He knew I was not happy about it - and did not do anything to sort it out. My jealousyt and suspicion were and still are driving me insane. I am now trying to get away from him completley. I't s very disrespectful when a guy does thie. No materr what way you look at it. I wouild speak to him about it if I were you. x
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A
female
reader, Anon5160 +, writes (20 February 2011):
To be completely honest with you, if he is still active on the dating sites and continues to visit them, he is keeping his options open. You should first determine if you are in a relationship. It would be best that you ask him because he may not view the time he spends with you as a relationship, to him it just may be that he likes to hang out with you. Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2011): He's cheating on you! DUMP HIM! If he's cheating on you during the honeymoon stage, just imagine how much of a slut he'd be further in! He has to go!!!!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2011): yes that means hes looking for people on the side in case the relationship with you fails. or hes wanting to be with alot of people while with you ie cheating.
i would let him go or give him an ultimatum if he doesnt follow he obviously wasnt interested in you
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