A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for 14 months. The other morning he woke up and asked for a cuddle of which I gladly gave him. He then said it was not the cuddle that he wanted, he wanted a big cuddle. He then held on to my clothes and would not let me leave the room until he got the cuddle. I needed to go to work so I asked him to let me go but he wouldnt. I asked him 2 more times to let me go. He wouldnt until I gave him a cuddle. I felt threatened so gave him the cuddle, then he let me go. I believe he was wrong to restrain me but he said I was over reacting and it was ok to do this. Am I right or wrong?Please help. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2007): NO! You are NOT over-reacting! He scared you and that's the bottom line. I had exactly this same thing happen to me and stayed - it turned out really badly. Sure, talk if you want to; but the bottom line is that you can't be afraid of your partner.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2007): I think you have to trust your instincts on this one, it felt threatening and bad to you so . . . if he does this again it will feel threatening and bad to you. You feel like you feel. He should respect you enough not to do something that you don't like, and in some cases there MIGHT be room to negotiate over whether you can compromise/learn to like something (like sex with the lights on, or something else that someone wants to try in bed, or watching something different on TV). But the key is NEGOTIATE - the two of you discuss and both agree. In this case I do not think you were over-reacting. Even if you are dating or married - no means no! And he should feel terrible for scaring you, and if you are afraid it is going to happen again, it is the kind of thing I personally would break up over.
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (8 June 2007):
 If your bf becomes too aggressive or hurts you in any way either by being playful or daft then NO you still have every right to feel that you are not happy with this behaviour.
If he is restraining you and it continues in a pattern then I would say that you need to talk to him about it, if he is dismissive or evasive then think about what alarm bells are going off in your head.
Are you starting to see a different side of him?
Have there been any changes in your relationship or work environment recently, sounds like there is a big insecurity going on for him right now and he is needing a big hug as a sign of huge affection from you.
Has someone shown interest in you i.e. another male or something? Even jokingly?
Monitor it right now but tell him if you feel things are about to repeat themselves that this scares you and you don't like it.
If it continues and you are not happy then get out of this relationship now - sooner rather than later.
It could also be the start of something that is not a nice side of him.
Just tread carefully and see if it happens or anything similar in the near future.
Talk though first of all if it does and see what is going on.
BFN
Country Woman
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