A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm 36, and my fiance's 29, we've been a couple since he was 21 and I was 27, and our relationship's been good.There's been no major arguments, no jealousy over male friends (if anything, he tries to be friends with them rather than be wary of them!), only silly arguments over things like what brand of cereal/bread/crisps are the cheapest, which route to drive etc. etc.However, what makes this scenario slightly different is the fact he has Asperger's Syndrome, and I don't (i.e "normal" to him).I love him, he's kind, gentle, caring and would never cheat on me, he is a lovely man and is well-liked.We have no children, if that's of any relevance.Recently, as in the last 4 months, he's been wanting sex less and less; he's always been romantic and kind in bed and puts my needs above his own. Until now, that is; sex has waned. He doesn't even look at porn (well, discounting pictures of models in fashion, catalogues Marks and Sparks and pictures of Girls Aloud [tame by some standards], but that's as far as it goes, is that even pornography?)However, I suspect he may have depression, but can't prove it; he seems low whenever he sees the news on television and always looks weatherbeaten when coming in from work (he's freelance, works odd hours, no 9-5).This may explain the lack of interest in sex.I don't want to take a lover (I know from what I've read on here, some people suggest that) as that's cheating, plain and simple but I do want to help him get his sex drive back.He's too embarrassed to see a doctor or counsellor fearing they'll judge him for it.He has told me he wants it, but something's stopping him, mentally, he doesn't know what. I know it's not anything major (i.e. abused as a child) but don't know what exactly is his mental block... and he is unsure what stops him from it.In every other way, not sexually, he's a lovely guy and one I see myself married to in maybe 3-4 years time.He doesn't want children, for fear of "passing on" autism or Asperger's, and I can accept that; I like children, but it only goes as far as being an aunt (I am one, to my two sisters' children!!)He realizes he needs help, but to be honest, I don't know who or where to turn to so I can help him.If you could help me with this, I'd really appreciate/be thankful for it, as I am not sure what to do.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2014): Find a good psychologist. He won't feel judged, because they won't judge him. You are supportive and he wants to be better, so now you just need a professional to tell you how to be supportive and to help find the root of the problem. Sounds like you two have a lovely relationship, congratulations!
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (3 January 2014):
Basically, you're stuck unless he sees his GP, who has to be the first port of call in this situation. I would try to book him in with the GP, but see if you can go with him so he might feel like he has more support. Sometimes people open up to Doctors more when they have the support they need.
He needs to see the GP, as hard as it is.
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