A
female
age
36-40,
*uterfly
writes:Im in love with two men. Hello i hope you can help as i am so emotional at the moment, i just dont know what to do anymore. I have recently got engaged to the most wonderful man in the world, i have been with my now fiancee for over 3 years and for my birthday he took me to Paris and proposed on top of the Eiffel tower. However, i used to go out with a guy who was completly in love with me when i was younger, we were on and off for about 3 years, becasue i could not see him as a boyfreind, only as a freind. He had to move away becasue he just couldnt take the thought of me being with somenone else. However, in the 3 years that i have been with my fiancee, i have never stopped thinking of him. We used to write to each other to keep in touch, he was my best freind, however i have fallen in love with him. I just dont know what to do, i cant get him out of my mind, i want to be with him, becasue when we were together i was just too young, i love my fiancee, but not sure if i love him enough to want to marry him. I dont know if the reason i cant leave him is becasue i will miss him and miss the thing we have together, or if i truely love him. Becasue if i did, i wouldnt be thinking of my ex all the time and him of me. I just dont know what to do, i dont want to hurt anyone or make anyone upset, but i feel im not doing what i want becasue i dont want to hurt anyone. Please help me x
View related questions:
engaged, fiance, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, KellyP  +, writes (25 January 2008):
 First of all your answer to this proposal MUST be NO...dont ever marry someone unless you are totally sure. And I know you dont want to hurt anyone but in eather way somebodys gonna get hurt in that love triangle. So I suggest you take sometime to get back with your old friend and you have to find a good way to explain it to your current boyfriend and the way you talk about him i can see that he loves you a lot so im sure hes ready to give you the time you need and ok I know this always happens in movie and everything he would probably be mad ok but at the end of it all dont you think that the one who wants the best for you and wants to see you happy is the one that really loves you? So all I can say is take your time dont rush things marriage is a serious thing and you must be sure of who you really want and who you want to spend the rest of your life with. In anyway somebodys gonna get hurt girl in eather way so just not let it be you and the guy you wont choose will get over it he'll have a broken heart but he'll get over it but just so you know the first one seems to take a long time to get over you...so good luck with this and just fallow your heart whatever it says and dont forget this : Dont leave the one you love for the one who loves you because one day the one who loves you gonna leave you for the one he loves...so who do you love? lollll luv xxx
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (25 January 2008):
 We all think of could of, would of, should of. I still think about someone I haven't been with for almost 18 years. It's part of life. You mentioned you couldn't see yourself being with him long term, and just want him as a best friend. Realistically, if certain personalities have not changed that caused you to come to that conclusion in the first place, the same conclusion would more than likely surface.
I love one of my ex's, and have all though we haven't been together for 6 years. We have different personalities that work awesome as friends but not so much as a couple. That doesn't mean I don't love her as a person, just means in a relationship she'll have to find happiness somewhere else, and so do I.
The person you're with now you know how you work out with him. You know if you're compatiable. If you're not sure if you love him enough to get married, then don't get married. If you do call it off, don't do so on a what if.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2008): Well, a couple of things come to mind...perhaps you are not ready to marry any one....
Also, you are letting your feelings just change with the wind and control your thoughts instead of the other way around.
If you are very emotional, now is not the time to decide anything. Tell your fiance you are not ready to set a wedding date and that you need more time to prepare yourself for marriage. I think you would both benefit from some premarital counseling. There are about 100 questions that you need to sit down and discuss to see just what it is you expect out of marriage so that you know you have made the right choice to marry.
The other guy sounds to me like a fairy tale that you are using to distract yourself from some deeper issues, like why you are not ready to commit to this fiance....Because real and lasting love is not a feeling really, it is a concious choice to love and to be worthy of love all based on a deep commitment.
The health of a relationship is not a great one if it is always been on and off. Sometimes women confuse "intensity" with love and with the truth of the matter. This other guy probably feels you are a big challenge and people tend to want what they can't have.
That said I think you owe it to yourself to not do anything right now until you can sort yourself out...this is not Sophie's choice between two men, it is about your choice to remain single, or to commit to one man who loves you.
I wish you luck in your decision.
...............................
|
