A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a long, complicated history with my boyfriend of over 3 years. When we first started dating, I thought we were in love. We matched in every way. I later found out, he wasn't completely honest with me and had not made a clean break with his ex. For several months he was dating the both of us trying to figure out what he wanted. (I found out when I had to use his phone and saw an incoming phone call from her). Knowing how difficult it was to break it off with her given the long emotional ties (they dated a really long time), I decided to try and forgive and move forward in our relationship. Unfortunately, it was very tough as I had to deal with all the lies as he was trying to please both of us as he was too much of a wimp to break it cleanly with her. Fast forward a year, my boyfriend lost his consulting job in the economy. He is now depressed, angry and more insecure. We already had our ups and downs and now this added to the stress as companies aren't hiring. These past months (years now) have been hard and I've put up with it as I truly want to believe it was a one time mistake and I very much love my boyfriend. But I am getting emotionally drained now from all the beating our relationship has taken. We are not that young (late 20s) and I'm not so young to be in a directionless relationship. Given he's no longer working, he is unsure about when we can get married. He wants marriage, so he says, but does not feel comfortable getting married until he has a job. Given the economy, who knows when that will happen! On top of this, I am getting a large amount of stress from work (less people = more work, typical for this crappy economy) and family issues. Finally, to complicate matters, I went out dancing with a few friends, one of whom brought a friend I am slightly attracted to. I know I wouldn't do anything with this guy but we flirted and danced together quite a bit that night. I feel a little guilty but I'm wondering if it's a sign that I'm starting to lose interest with my boyfriend or am simply fed up. I don't know what to do and I'm so incredibly tired. I wonder if anyone else had such difficulties starting a relationship but eventually made it work out in the end....I know I love him, but are relationships supposed to be so difficult? Anyone with experience being happily married or committed, please give advice....
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