A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My ex when we broke up asked me to stop texting him so we would both recover fast. I agreed to this and tried my best.The thing is, we still remained in contact because there were things we needed to return to each other. I told him, if indeed he wanted no contact, then we should settle these things. I have done my part with force. He wont do his part.He just contacts me for this reason and I said to him if he actually has no plan to solve this one. Then we should just forget it. He sent me messages to say he will finally solve it but he ends up making excuses not to.To be honest I still love him and would accept him in a heartbeat. But i am confused by his actions. If he doesn't want to be with me anymore, why wont he settle it once and for all? He knows no contact rule will make us both move on, he suggested it himself. So why does he allow these things to still give him an excuse to talk to me? Pls help, anyone. Thanks so much.
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female
reader, Renee okc +, writes (26 August 2009):
I'am glad you don't chase him, You do what you want, and move on. He is playing games and gets off on the attention you give him when he calls. Being that you still have feelings for him I know you feel happy to hear from him, but you can't move on when he is hanging on and at the same time telling you he doesn't want to be with you he is so wrong. You seem nice let this loser go and get a real man that wants you. I am sure you won't have any problems finding one.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGuys thanks so much for your advises and opinions.To Renee okc and Libra 1963- I actually don't chase this guy anymore, that's what confuses me. I told him I will consider the unsettled things done and that's when he started texting me, insisting he will really solve it. I ignore his messages asking to give him more chance to solve it and he still texts me wondering if I am angry at him or not.The thing is, he was the one who broke up with me. And he told me even to STOP texting him. That he will help me forget him. That no contact is best for us to recover. When I did stop, now he was the one contacting me using this excuse. He confuses me.It's logical for me to think that why does he do this if he believes in the no contact rule? I asked him too about it and told him to finish this off so we can stop our communication but he ignores me when I say this.Right now, there is no initiation of contact on my part. He does all the communication. I don't even reply to it anymore. If I do, I reply after a week. But still he keeps making excuses. Delaying tactics.Thanks also to Anon guy, starlights and rhythmandblues, I feel somehow he still has feelings left for me or that a part of him doesn't want to totally lose me forever. Thanks everyone.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2009): My ex did this to me after breaking up, I sort of initiated the break up for a number of problems on his part, and he tried to get back at me by lying about a few things, then he kept calling me daily asking me to do stupid favors for him, sometimes he would call several times a day....I weakened after he asked to see me once, I didn't tell him anything, but when I tried to schedule to see him he would agree and then stand me up.
If he told you he didn't want a relationship with you, then I would let all this unfinished business go, if it isn't too costly or important and ask him to stop calling you, there will be no weaning off of you for him, he needs to go cold turkey and be on his own to figure out how he feels....If he doesn't want a relationship, he will probably rebound with some other girl, don't expect to get him back.
But if you really want to get back together, then you can act a little hard to get, but if you can't get him into a conversation about why he broke up with you, what the problems were, then you won't be able to change anything.
I sometimes think you just know when it is over for good.
My ex and I broke up twice before for stupid arguments or misunderstandings, and he was willing to fight it out with me to work it out. This time I knew it was over because I felt differently about him, I no longer trusted him, I was still in love, but I want more than someone's disrespect and abusive words when I try to work out relationship issues....he wasn't talking or willing to admit fault or ask for apology, nothing, so I told him to quit calling.
It has been almost 6 months and I finally am over him, and we don't speak to each other any more....
So there isn't any way to know how all this will play out. It really depends on if it is really over this time, or if he is just not sure what he wants, or you fought over minor issues.
Take the focus off of him and do what you want to do, if you want to take his calls, fine, but I wouldn't let him text you, not if you want a chance to get back together. Also, never reschedule anything you have going on to meet him any where for any reason. He needs to see that you are just fine without him. Telling him you love him everyday may be seen as pressure and he will just convince himself that he was right in breaking up with you.
Let him figure it out on his own that he misses you, loves you and needs you. If he doesn't, you will be fine because you will be taking care of you and putting your focus on YOU, not him. Date some other guys!!!! Have some fun with your girlfriends and your family, forget about what and why he is doing what he is doing, you can't control it or stop it or anything....he is doing what he wants to do.
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A
female
reader, Renee okc +, writes (22 August 2009):
I agree with Libra 1963, you keep playing into this game he has created, he has you jumping through hoops to deal with him. Honey there isn't that much business that should take phone call after phone call. You need to play hard to get and we bet he will come running. Also this is a way for him to be in your business and make sure your not seeing anyone new. I personally recommend moving on and not hanging on to the past, change your number what ever bills or business you have with him let it go and let him know once and for all you have to move on so he needs to speak up now or forget about it.
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A
female
reader, Libra1963  +, writes (21 August 2009):
 It sounds like he is messing you about and it is eating at you. Have you asked him outright has he still got feelings for you and is there someone else? Maybe he just needs a break away for a while. Let him retreat to his cave and you spend sometime on yourself and your friends, work family etc.let him make contact with you but make it difficult. Change your number and encourgage him to make contact in another way where he really as to go out of his way to contact you.Men become put off by women who are too available and sit there waiting for them. Show him that you have a life and are too busy to answer his calls. Men also become concerned when they see you dating or going out in the presence of other men.Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (21 August 2009):
 This is something you need to ask your ex bf.
we cant honestly read his mind, but its as if he cant let go of this situation.
If you want to get back together with him chances are he's thinking the same thing so why dont you guys talk about it?
its not fair on either of you if you both prolong this breakup if you dont want it to happen.
i suggest talking to him like adults and asking him direct whats going through his mind instead of playing games.
Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2009): Because, despite his best efforts to break off cleanly, there are lingering feelings. Simple answer is he misses you in some way.
Be wary of getting together again if the opportunity comes... I don't know why you guys broke up in the first place or who broke up with who, but I found myself in a similar situation.
I had broken it off with my girlfriend after she cheated on me; a month later we made contact again, she said she missed me... initially I said no, but eventually I succumbed.
Sadly, I couldn't trust her anymore, and the relationship failed anyway. In your case, it's might be different but... the problems that caused the break up to happen in the first place, they'll be back again if you were to hook up again. Having a little contact to ween yourself is ok, everyone has needs... but don't let it drag on too long.
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