A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok well I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half...he has a 5 yr old daughter from previous relationship and i have a 3 yr old son from a previous relationship. We all live together and his brother stays with us too. His daughter rarely sees her mom bc her mother well says she isnt stable enought to keep her so she visits her at hers moms convience. But of course she loves her mother no matter what and wants nothing more than to live with her forever...So anyways, my thing is i'm not jealous of her in anyway i love her to peices but she has the most spoiled rotten attitude ever. Before i met her dad she got what she wanted when she wanted, never had a set schedule so she was up all night and sleeping all day...and now she hates it bc its not that way anymore..so anywho her dad works offshore and is gone for 3 weeks at a time and i care for her when he's gone. When things come up like for school and meeting and this and that I always get the well you not her mother and from my bf brother well they will let me do all that before you and stuff like that...and that really hurts my feeling so i just slack off on doing stuff with her. bc i get so much of it im just sick of it. I dont have to take care of her when hes gone or even when hes home I do it bc i care about her, but when someone tells me crap like that i cant help but back away. I have been more of a mother to that child than her own...im not her step mom but at least im there for her....And this child is quick to tell people as well...stuff like she is not my mom or thats my daddys friend bc her mom told her to say those things...and my boyfriend reaction is i cant control what she says.....so i dont know anymore i just get so frustrated with all of it...I just dont know how to handle these sistuations....
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female
reader, Renee okc +, writes (22 August 2009):
You are being a little to sensitive about this child, hell if everyone around you feel they can take better care of her then let them. You need to talk to your bf and let him know what is going on. Maybe it would be a good idea to put the brother out if he can't be a positive influence then he needs to keep it moving. Of course she was spoiled he probably called himself making up for her mom not being around eventually the child will get over it. If he takes your son to school or the dr. they will tell him the same thing they tell you, you are not the parent so that is to be expected. You talk to him and keep doing what you are doing eventually he will have to address these issues or you may be better off moving and doing your own thing if it is causing you this much stress to live with his family.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2009): I'm speaking from experience, as I have been in the place of your partners daughter, and its distressing to watch your mum/dad with someone else. It just doesnt fit.. so you play up to take the attention away. I know I was acting like a brat, but it gets better. It takes a while for things to settle down, but the thing to do is try and communicate with the girl. Find out what she loves the most and USE IT. For me, my step dad gave me a dog he had rescued. I had wanted a dog all my life. I know thats a little extreme, I dont suggest handing out puppies, but prehaps find a game she likes to play together, how about you do a make over on her? Little girls love make up and fancy dress :) Trust me it gets better as she accepts you!Oh and the brother- prehaps he should find his own place? Its none of his buisness.... Good luck!! x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2009): Unfortunately your boyfriend does have control over what his daughter says. He needs to have a serious talk with his daughter, and tell her that she must treat you with the same respect she does him. Of course it will be difficult with small children, but they are easily impressionable, which is why he also needs to talk with her mother. If her mother has voluntarily given up custody, leaving you to care for her child, she has no right to turn her daughter against you, and it must be made clear to her that behaviour like this is unacceptable, and is nothing more than using the children as weapons.
Maybe leave PTA meetings to your boyfriends's brother if he's complaining; the school will look more favourably on family members I'm afraid. Another option is to seek to become the children's legal guardian, and you will be afforded the rights their parents currently have in the eyes of the law and society.
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