A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of a year proposed. I said yes because his family was right there. I don’t want to marry him and I’m freaking out because I’m not married. He’s just not what I want....I don’t know what to do .He’s also still married to his first wife I told I did not want to get engaged until he finished his paper work. I don’t know what to do I just don’t want to marry him. My heart is somewhere else!
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male
reader, kenny  +, writes (11 January 2021):
 I feel that all you can be is is brutally honest and tell him you don't want to marry him. Also i don't think that this relationship is for you, your heart is somewhere else, so step up to the plate and finish it.
He is still married, he should never have asked you to marry him, especially in front of all his family, he should have found a time when you were both alone.
Finish it and move on, and find someone who is not married, and someone where your heart is in it.
A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (10 January 2021):
 OP, you need to end this relationship ASAP. Just tell him that you didn't want to embarrass him in front of his family so you said yes but you've thought it over and you can't go through with things. Keep it short and simple. It isn't fair to either of you.
I don't know why he would ask you when still married to someone else to begin with but thats water under the bridge. End it as gracefully as possible and move on.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (10 January 2021):
 Why are you telling him you will not get engaged until his divorce is finalised when you don't intend marrying him at all? If you have your eye on someone else, do the decent thing and let your fiance go so he can find someone who wants to marry him. He must have believed you wanted to marry him to ask you in front of his family. Where did he get that impression if not from you?
The longer you put this off, the more difficult it will be to end it. Tell him you have had a change of heart and get out of his life so that he can find someone who wants to be with him.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (10 January 2021):
I don't understand how guys put women in this situation. When I asked my wife to marry me it's because I knew she'd say yes based on our conversations.
You had every right to say no although it's obviously a little awkward.
Iadd my vote to the "tell him the truth and move on" option.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (10 January 2021):
 1) I'm assuming you are also OK with not being his girlfriend anymore.
2) @Wise Owl E, there is no magic law in Utah allowing bigamy.
3) Your first lie led to your second Lie. You told him you didn't want to get married until he finished his paperwork, when in fact, He's just not what you want.
4) All of your objections to him haven't kept you from him for a whole year.
I don't know where your heart really is, but that is not getting any truth out of you either.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2021): Just tell him, you don't want to marry him! I think standing at the alter halfway through your vows might be pushing it!
Uhm, how long do you plan to sit on this?
If his parents were there, must have been a setup to put you on the spot! If he gave you a ring, give it back!
When you decide to end it; do it when there's nobody else around. If you're prone to agreeing to do things you don't want to do, because people are watching! Might be a good idea to work on that!
If he's still married to his 1st-wife; he's got a lot of nerve proposing! Is he a bigamist? Is he from Utah? Your heart isn't in it, anyway. It shouldn't be that hard to just end the engagement. He's still married for one thing!
Here's some additional advice. Don't agree to life-changing propositions under pressure, or on the spot. You'll end-up in a world of hurts or a lot of debt being squirrely like that!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 January 2021):
 End it.
You don't want him.
I get that you said yes because you felt pressured IN THE MOMENT to say yes, with his family there, but if you don't WANT to marry him, what's the point in being with him? Dating him? You are essentially STRINGING him along. Don't do that.
I would just tell him that you have thought it over and that you don't see a future with him, wish him well and end it.
By the way... If he is still married... LEGALLY. He has NO right to propose. Because you can't marry until he is legally untangled from his LAST marriage.
But that matter not. As you say you don't want to marry him.
End it. For both your sakes. This isn't fair. For either of you.
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