A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My best friends fiance was organising a surprise party for her 30th and he asked if me and my husband would be happy to have it at our house as theirs was too small to fit approximately 30 people. He assured is he would buy everything-snacks, drinks, alcohol decorations etc... and he hired a catering company to bring over sandwiches and hot food and his mother was making the birthday cake and desserts. All me and my husband had to do was decorate the living room- which was fine.The plan was that he was taking his fiancé out for the day (Saturday) and then would drive to our house for 6.30- so guests were to be there for 6pm.On Friday evening he bought round the drinks, snacks and decorations however he completely mis calculated how much food and drink he'd need- 2 bottles of soft drinks, 3 bottles of wine, 1 crate of beer and 3 bags of crisps... I pointed this out to him and he asked if I could go out the next day to buy more stuff- he apologised and assumed it'd be enough. He also didn't buy any plastic cutlery or plates. He told me to spend what I needed and would sort out the money after the party Saturday as he didn't have any cash to give me.Saturday I got up early as I live a 20 minute drive from the town centre and bought what I needed and got back to decorate the house.At 12.30 he sends me a text saying the catering company who were supposed to deliver the food were unable to do so and could I go out and get some sandwiches and oven food.So I went out again but struggled to find any ready made sandwiches so I purchased what I could find and ended up buying loads of bread and fillings to make them myself.Then at about 4.30 I get another text from him saying his mother made the birthday cake but didn't have time to make any other desserts so could I go and get some other cakes as his mother doesn't drive.So I went out again to do this.Fortunately I got everything done before the guests arrived and the party was good, however there were 42 guests in my house (not including my friend and fiance) and we almost ran out of food and drink -there was nothing left over.At the end of this he came to thank us briefly and I have him the receipts of all the shopping I did- (I made copies for myself) It came to just under £150.He said he would transfer the money to me and to text him my details.The next day I texted him my account details- he confirmed he received them but no money arrived. 1 week late I texted him again and he said he forgot and would do it - but still nothing. I texted him again 3 days later and got no reply. It's been almost 4 weeks since the party and nothing. My husband told me to tell my friend but i don't want to involve her as it'd feel awkward.We can't afford not to have the money back and what's annoyed me is that I feel as he has taken advantage of me as I had to use loads of fuel to make 6 20 minute trips to town (there and back) plus parking fees - which I don't think he even thought about and I won't ask for this money too but it'd be nice if he acknowledged this.How do I get the money back. I also told him I'd happily have a cheque if he didn't have the cash or was unable to do a bank transfer but he insisted he would do a transfer.
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best friend, fiance, money, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (10 April 2016):
 I agree with telling your friend.
My guess is he KNEW just well that what he brought wouldn't be enough, and that YOU would go out and buy more.
He didn't hire ANY caters (I bet) because again he made the presumption that because you guys HOSTED IT (your house) you would feel inclined to make sure there was food.
I think her fiance took you for a TOTAL mug, and thus I would tell your FRIEND what went on and ask her for the money.
And in the future... Don't honor ANY favors THIS guy asks for.
What a sleazy creep.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (10 April 2016):
 Of course you’ve been taken advantage of, the guy never was going to pay, he set you up. I expect he’s told your best friend that you offered to do all of this and he is so grateful. So be prepared to lose her as a friend if he’s already conned her as well.
I would continue to go after him, tell him he has x days to get the money to you via any means.
I would bring your friend into it, as you say you cannot afford to take this loss. Perhaps she can pay you the owed money and then can extract that money from him.
Another awful thought is that you “borrow” the same sum of money from her and when she asks for repayment, explain that as her fiance owes you the same amount that she get it from him. Though that’s not an honest way to deal with him by putting her under pressure.
I would go to the Citizen’s Advice Bureau and see if you have any possible legal recourse in this case.
It does sound as though you’ve been played by a con man. Pity that he’s engaged to your best friend.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2016): Your best girl deserves to know not only because you deserve to get your money back but also because she has to be made aware what kind of man he's involved with. If I were to do it, I would downplay my concern for the money because I know my friend would be decent enough to have it refunded. If she insists that you take her money, tell her you would not be comfortable with that and let her know it's the guy who should do so. I understand that collecting money from friends is a bit tacky, so I think the best recourse is to handle this part with tact. But, seriously, your friend needs to ditch that guy.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (10 April 2016):
 Txt him again his avoidance has left you no choice but to show his fiancee (your friend) the receipts and ask her for your money. What an arse!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2016): Oh what a user. I agree you need to tell your friend as on top of getting your money back she needs to know what kind of man she is marrying.
After all this time he has no intention of paying and in time this will effect your relationship with your friend.
Many years ago l worked in catering and l don't believe he booked anyone. To pull out on the day would destroy a company's reputation.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 April 2016):
 He did take advantage, but only because you let him do so. At any point, you could have told him no. He brought over too little to drink, he hadn't confirmed with the catering, he planned poorly with desserts etc. HIS PROBLEM, NOT YOURS. I get that you didn't want your friend to get disappointed for her birthday, but be realistic. If your friend has a disappointing boyfriend then he WILL LET HER DOWN sooner or later. You can't possibly be a stand-in boyfriend to sort out all the problems when her real boyfriend fails.
You should have just said no, so keep that in mind for the next time. I've learned the hard way too, and if I were you I would have stopped after the first trip in town, simply because I find it too bothersome and annoying having to go back and forth, cleaning up someone elses mess. HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE ONE TO RUN THESE ERRANDS. What do you know about what he was up to, he was probably scratching his ass at home thinking he got a pretty nice set-up, getting credit for a party he's not contributed to at all.
Your money? Yes, call your friend and get it back.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (10 April 2016):
 Time to tell your friend. Tell her whatever you've told us here and spare no details. This guy is really cheap and needs to be exposed.
My husband's friend did something like this a while back and ultimately my husband had to tell the friend's brother who intervened and then we got our money back. His friend too just dropped off the face of the earth and didn't even respond to calls or messages.
Some people can be terribly cheap and have no qualms about owing others money. Tell your friend immediately. Don't delay. There's no need for you to feel awkward... If anything the husband should be crawling under the sofa.
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