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female
age
,
*anya20z
writes: Dear CupidI am a 54 year old woman and have been married for over thirty years. Later in the year l am going for a short break to Amsterdam with my husband and another couple. I was really looking forward to my trip as l have been there many times and really love Amsterdam but l overheard a conversation with my friends husband and my husband where it was mentioned that when my friend and l were shopping they would hit the strip clubs. My husband never mentioned this to me but has said that it will be nice to take a look round the shops with my friend. The thought of this is making me rethink going on holidays at all. If my husband was away without me then he could do what he wants but when l am with him l find this really offensive. Please give me your opinion on what you think and what way l should react to this. Thanking you.
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male
reader, Blue Rat  +, writes (9 January 2007):
You've been married 30 years? I wouldn't say you have much to worry about would you? Amsterdam's a great place (I lived there for 7 years) so go, and enjoy what it has to offer. If your husband and his friend want to visit a strip club, so what???? Guys like to do that kind of thing, it doesn't make him a sex offender, a pervert, a weirdo or anything else. Neither does it make him a supporter of some kind of sexual slavery and abuse as some would seem to have you believe. I've never read such twaddle in all my life.
Go, have fun. Both of you.
A
male
reader, laburnum94  +, writes (7 January 2007):
 Why dont you mention that you`ve decided to see a male stripper by the name of "long dong" and see what he has to say.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2007): I did find them interesting- it points out how bad the BBC's reporting is. There are no references to anything but opinion in there. I did find this interesting in the MSNBC article:"The city’s Red Light District is a virtual Disneyland of sex — with only European Union passport holders allowed to ply the trade. "ie- the Eastern European subjects of the article arent able to work in the strip clubs. Check out this Slate story: http://www.slate.com/id/2120553/Essentially the author think we are guilty of whipping up setiment in the absence of fact. My point- I think it *is* possible for the husband to visit a Amsterdam strip club without encouraging slavery.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2007): To the anon male reader below: DrPete was not far off in his assessment. You wanted evidence about sex slavery in Amsterdam and other european countries? Check out the below links. You might find themn interesting.
http://www.state.gov/g/tip/rls/29229.htm
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3071965/
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/1208454.stm
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2007):
"I also understand the girls working in the tourist areas are effectively slaves who are subject to abuse, rape and low/no pay. Remind your husband of these realities, perhaps he won't be so keen to support such an industry?"
WHAT? What evidence do you have that these women are working for no money??
I know people like to project their own political theories onto these "sex workers" but this seems really really unlikely.
I have no direct knowledge of the conditions in Amsterdam- I asked it at least seems *plausible* that the husband could go to some strip club for a couple hours while the wife is out looking for a cow creamer, without him supporting white slavery. I didnt get the impression that he planned on converting the whole family vacation into a carnal orgy.
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A
female
reader, Manya  +, writes (6 January 2007):
I agree with Irish49! I've never been to Amsterdam, but it is supposed to
be a very liberated & free place. So your husband & your friend's husband
are probably reacting to the Amsterdam image? I'm sure it's just curiosity, though I know my father would never in a million years go to these places if my mother was along. If they go it sounds like it
will ruin your trip, just the thought of it. You have to talk to him and tell him your feelings!
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2007): Well, baring in mind you have a 30 year marriage this is probably not a most serious reply but here goes,
You should both take a walk in the evening through the main areas of the red-light district and let him see the "offerings" from the various brothels. The girls working there have got to be the most disgusting, rough and slutty prostitutes ever and the strip clubs are of no higher quality! I'm sure that would turn him off the fantasy of going to a strip club in Amsterdam?
I also understand the girls working in the tourist areas are effectively slaves who are subject to abuse, rape and low/no pay. Remind your husband of these realities, perhaps he won't be so keen to support such an industry?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2007): Married 30 years---Congratulations! If this problem bothers you, sit him down and tell him what you overheard and how it makes you feel. I would think after being married so long you could openly and honestly, tell him your true, heartfelt feelings. Communication and respect is the key to long lasting marriages and you know this. If you and he have been away together before and this has never been a problem before, then it's perhaps your husband is simply just 'going along' with this other friend's wishes. Your husband may have to tell his friend, that he doesn't do 'strip clubs' and perhaps another compromise can be reached. eg: going dancing with the wives is a good idea. Let your feelings be known but do it respectfully. Respect, compromise and negotiation is important in marriage. Holidays are a special time for couples to get away from the life's demands and stresses and to spend quality time together. If you feel that you want him to 'enjoy' this holiday 'with' you...then tell him that. Your feelings are not wrong, hun. Good luck and take care.
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female
reader, Daizee +, writes (6 January 2007):
First and foremost you have a right to feel offended, no-one has any right to imply otherwise. I think you should tell your husband simply how you overheard and how you feel in a manner that does not imply that you are 'having a go' but just expressing your feelings. If he is the type who is going to get annoyed and say you are over-reacting then I have some further advice for what it is worth and if you would like it I will gladly oblige, however it may be that the real thrill was in deceiving you and your friend and once it is known the cat is out of the bag it might scupper their plans. Good luck.
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