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female
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*ellyb
writes: I don't know if it's just me or what, but should I be worried if when the only time my boyfriend tells me he loves me is after I say it first (like when we're leaving: Me: I love you. Him: I love you too.) and that's like the only time he'll say it. I also have thought about us having something that will remind each other of each other when we're not together..like an inexpensive ring or necklace or something and him a gold chain necklace or something. That would mean a lot to me, but I have no idea how to get the point across that that's what I want. Help Please.
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female
reader, hugs2muchgal  +, writes (9 August 2006):
 hey, if you are younger then you might have a right to worry
in our teenage society these days and in society in general people say "i love you" without truly knowing what the words mean. he might just say the words out of a need to fit in, or he might think that is what he is suppoesed to say.
or your boyfriend could no you always say it first, and just assume that you are going to say it first without really thinking about it. like i always wait for my boyfriend to say i love you before i say it back, just out of habit.
also alot of guys arent comfortable saying it. as long as with actions he is showing he loves you, then him always initiating the words is not as important.
the idea of always having something of the other is sweet, if you two have been together a long time or are truly commited to one another, but to me it sounds as though you just want a way to keep hold of him, as though you are not willing to let go, or have him not think of you.
you can bring the idea up to him, but he might find it corny or needy if he isnt the romantic all of us wish for in a guy.
rethink everything in your relationship, and if you have enough trust in your boyfriend, talk to him about it.
best of luck in whatever you choose to do!
A
female
reader, justice +, writes (8 August 2006):
well girl if you only hear him say it after you then heres what you do when you leave make him think hes missing something no nookie or cookies from the cookie jar un til he starts saying it to you first!
________smooches______________
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2006): It sounds like you are wanting a long term relationship and are having doubts if your boyfriend is on the same page or not.
In our society it's taught that it is "proper" or "polite" to respond back to an "I love you" with another "I love you". So that may be the case and you are picking up on that.
You want a genuine "I love you" and let me tell you, very few men are comfortable expressing themselves and I have found it is not until the 30's that men begin to know what they want and what they feel and are more confident to say so.
I think re-evalutating your relationship with him sounds in order.
Did you both begin dating one another knowing about what the other person was expecting? did he say he wanted a long term relationship? Do you honestly believe that he may love you? How does he treat you?
I say talk and let him know how you feel and then ask him what he thinks and feels.
Be prepared.
Good Luck Sweetie.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2006): Don't worry about him not saying "I love you." If he wants to say it then he will. You don't want to force him to say it because then it would be meaningless, right? Plus it's not really necessary if he's treating you like he loves you. (I was in the same situation with my husband before we were married and got all upset, too. But I learned that's just not how some people are. He still doesn't tell me that he loves me that much, but it always shows in what he does everyday which is far better than any words he could say, in my opinion.)
As for having something to remind you both of each other when you're not around, why not bring it up and tell him your idea? Don't expect him to be a mind-reader. But think to yourself if it's making you sound needy (to have him say I love you when he doesn't really "want" to and also to constantly be reminded of you with an object he carries around with him everywhere). Sure it's sweet, in my opinion, but I don't know your boyfriend. Just something to think about.
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