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age
30-35,
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writes: About 5 to 6 years ago I dated this guy Joe for about a week, I was his first and only girlfriend. I was the new kid still and he made me laugh. For whatever reason I broke up with him and over the years I have been hearing things that solidified my descison. A couple days ago he contacted me and we hung out, I had fun. Last night I was drinking we got a hotel room and we had sex...that's is what you would call it...nothing long or enjoyable if you know what I mean. I was dying to be home and away from him. Later he calls me 4 or 5 times and leaves 2 messages on my phone propositioning me for a long term commitment. Explaining how much he loves me and how wonderful I am. I gave him no specific inclination for him to believe I would feel the same...aside from having sex with him. I don't want to make him depressed because he has history but I definitely don't want to lead him on, I feel no attraction to him. Basically how do I tell him I don't want anything more than friends, if that, without deeply hurting his feelings? Also, should I even spend time with him as a friend or would that still give him the wrong idea, should I just cut it out as a whole?? Thank you!
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAs for the Tom Dick and harry comment, you are completly ignorant. You must have missed that I have known him for years. Someone a bit upset that they were once on the bad end of the stick? As for the other two answers thank you! You are extremely helpful and I will keep you updated on the results! I think friends will give him a slight chance of hope, knowing him, probably best to just end it fully
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male
reader, mrg123  +, writes (25 June 2011):
 The other contributor is basically right. Kindness exists in cruelty (and vice versa as it happens) and this is one of those times your going to have to be cruel to be kind. Fact is if you go along with this purely not to hurt his feelings your only going to end up, inevitably as night follows day, hurting him even worse. Just say 'sorry, thanks but no thanks'. I'm a bit more open-minded on friends. I would play it by ear and see how he reacts to the above - it may well be the case that the other contributor is right and the best thing turns out to be break off all contact but if he takes the above ok and stops pestering you there maybe space for a friendship to grow. Good luck :)x
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female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (25 June 2011):
You can't be honest and not hurt his feelings. There simply is no easy way to let someone down. It's like ripping off a bandaid; do it fast and the pain is short, do it slow and drag it out, which ends up hurting much more.
He'll get over it. But you have to let him get over it by telling him exactly how you feel, so there can be no doubt. Squash any hope he may have. He'll feel shitty for a while, but that'll be nothing compared to if you tell him to be friends and give him that smidgen of hope that things will work out between you two when it never will.
"I don't like telling you this, but I want to be honest with you. I know you are looking for commitment but I cannot give that to you. I may have given you the wrong impressing that night in the hotel, but the truth is that was a one-time thing to me. I'm sorry."
Or something like that. I don't think it would be a good idea to be friends with him considering his feelings for you and I think you should tell him that. He needs a girl who feels the same about him.
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