A
male
age
36-40,
*odo85
writes:My ex broke up with me nearly 1 month ago and to be honest i'm still struggling, feeling wreck, we were together for 2 years, physically 1 year and 10 month and we're in long distance now.... So this is one of the reason that she broke up with me i think but she gave me several mix signals before, also cheated me once a couple of months ago, we even broke up once but got back together again but again broke up. However, she contacted me several times via online messenger since break up but i'm doing no contact (i haven't replied her for 4-5 days now, i mean whenever she replies me i'm waiting 4-5 days to reply her) so don't know i should keep doing that or not because i really wish that she can be back to me, we haven't talk to each other on phone like 3 weeks now maybe and it's really hurting me that i can't hear her voice and i'm afraid if i do no contact then i'll just make her think that i don't care about her anymore which isn't true, i love her with every bit of my heart and it's so bad that she's changing into the way that i never expected and i'm sure that there are couple of her friends told her that to go that way, i mean made her becoming bad, saying a lot about me, better break up because there's no future and something like this i think.... Anyone out there please give me some advice about the mail and what should i do? I've been trying to move on but couldn't because her face, her smile, her everything always coming up to my mind....:-( I tried to be strong, i could do it for a while but back again to pain.... Why did she make me like this while i'm just trying to love her, giving her what i could? It's true i had some mistakes and i admitted it and i ask for forgiveness.. Actually she had problem because i hanged out with my friends at the weekend, i was alone that time because every weekends she went home to her family so i couldn't do anything at home alone, just hanging out with my friends. It's also true that i left her alone at home one or two times but she was with me from monday till friday night so as you can see we were together for almost everyday. Anyway, she broke up with me but she has all of our pictures on facebook? Also on another social website where i'm not on it? And at the same time she uploaded a picture of the guy whom she cheated me with me. What all these means? The e-mail i wanted to send her but don't know it'll risk my chance to get her back or not, so please give me advice!!!! Thanks so much!!!:I don't know what u want from me, u put me into a very bad position so i don't know what i should do, i tried to respect u, be nice, be patience, be honest and giving u what i could. If u want to contact me just as a friend, sorry i can't do it while u know i look at u more than a friend, i loved u, actually still have that love if u wanted to know the honest answer but i need time to think now, i should work on myself, been busy actually these days. I guess ur life is becoming better day by day so i'm just kind of a boy like u called me in ur e-mail, nothing else. No matter how many times i tried to explain to u but u still won't believe me so i think there's nothing i can say. Sorry i really didn't wanna be like this but u made me like this, i really don't know what i should do, i know that u probably didn't and don't want me to be around so that's why i'm stepping back, giving u what u needed all the time. And one thing i know for sure that u're not like this, never was, the way u're talking, the way u're acting, u're changing into the way u never wanted me to be before and this is how u r now and i don't know the reason of it. Yeah, maybe i'm wrong but u know this better than me, also i think i have no right to say anything now. Hoping this time u'll understand what i'm trying to say. Take care of urself!
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male
reader, Dodo85 +, writes (29 June 2011):
Dodo85 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionironman777,I broke the no contact rule...:-( What should I do?? I just called her today, it was so good to hear her voice.... We didn't talk anything special, just normal talking. I asked her like, how she's doing, how's her day, what she's doing... She said fine, very good. And she just gave me one way answer only, didn't ask me anything and she just said by herself that she'll go to dentist and then I said your teeth (in joking way because we went to dentist before together and the doctor pulled her teeth out) and she said not Vivi's teeth (also in joking way), ok?(We raised a rabbit together and we called it as Vivi).We both laughed and then I told her ok, take care of yourself and she said too then I said later we can talk if you have time or something like this. And yeah, she also said by herself that she'll have exam soon, I asked when then how many? And she said only one and next week. I screwed it up, right?? Oh, I don't know what I should do now, I guess I totally messed it up.:-( From her voice I think she was a little bit down or I don't know actually... Please help me!
A
male
reader, ironman777  +, writes (28 June 2011):
If I were you i'd start playing a game with myself. I'd start of journal and write all your feelings down for her and also how your feeling. Then I'd wait two days and write more, then 3 days and gradually space it out. when you write about her, you use that time to think about her but only that time. - make it quality man. Then as time goes on and you get competitive with your self to see if you can beat your previous best length of time, you wont be spending as much time thinking bout her. One day you'll wont be writing anything becuase you will have met someone else.
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A
male
reader, Dodo85 +, writes (28 June 2011):
Dodo85 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionironman777,
I broke the no contact rule...:-( What should i do?? I just called her today, it was so good to hear her voice dude.... We didn't talk anything special, just normal talking. I asked her like, how she's doing, how's her day, what she's doing... She said fine, very good. And she just gave me one way answer only, didn't ask me anything and she just said by herself that she'll go to dentist and then i said ur teeth (in joking way because we went to dentist before together and the doctor pulled her teeth out) and she said not Vivi's teeth (also in joking way), ok?(We raised a rabbit together and we called it as Vivi). We both laughed and then i told her ok, take care of urself and she said too then i said later we can talk if u have time or something like this. And yeah, she also said by herself that she'll have exam soon, i asked when then how many? And she said only one and next week. I screwed it up, right?? Oh man, i don't know what i should do now, i guess i totally messed it up.:-( From her voice i think she was a little bit down or i don't know actually... Please help me dude!
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A
male
reader, Dodo85 +, writes (28 June 2011):
Dodo85 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah, but that chemistry can't happen all the time, right? When it's gone, it's gone forever? Or rarely comes back, right? If u were me then u're not gonna contact her till she contacts? No matter how long u'll wait, i mean during the waiting time u'll go out, have some fun or doing something that occupy ur mind?
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A
male
reader, ironman777 +, writes (27 June 2011):
from what I understand some people you just cant see them again - thry are like drugs - once your clean you just cant go near them otherwise it starts all over again. Chemistry is chemistry and it works all the time to bring people together
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A
male
reader, Dodo85 +, writes (27 June 2011):
Dodo85 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionironman777,Yeah, might wanna know.... Sure if all the guys see a hot girl with hot body then they'll probably want them to be theirs or wanna see them but still not the same, u know what i mean? Anyway i'm trying to be strong, trying to focus on things but it's really very difficult while i'm in a new environment, know nobody, only cousins, some friends but they're not the same as my friends before. How long u guys didn't talk to each other? Actually i feel a bit better, just inside my mind don't know i'm ready to talk to her again or not, i mean just normally, no relationship stuff, no getting back together or like this.... What i know is no contact is mostly for healing urself and when u're ready then u can talk to her again and when the time is right then we can talk about relationship again or something like this.... What do u think about this?
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A
male
reader, ironman777 +, writes (27 June 2011):
God knows if we are together or not - if doesnt sort her head out, then we arent and thats what she said. So officially its a break and not been talking to her, only make me feel worse. Course I think about her all the time, and I miss her like crazy but you got to realise, yes she may be thinking of you too, but she could be better at occupying her mind or just be too busy to think about you. You have got to get into the mode also, otherwise you'll just mope around and not get on with life. Breakups happen, she hasnt tried to get back with you so you need to concentrate on things now that make you feel good. Are you telling me that if a hot girl with killer body comes up to you and says she thinks your hot, you will be thinking about your previous girlfriend? You'll probably want to see what this young girl is thinking more wont you??
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A
male
reader, Dodo85 +, writes (27 June 2011):
Dodo85 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionironman777,
I didn't wanna listen to love songs, when i just go to coffee shop then they play it, i couldn't do anything about this, couldn't just go there and tell them please play another song because i'm hurt now by my ex... Yeah, i meet other people but my mind is still on my ex, couldn't get her out of my mind and u know the feeling is very strange when i talk to them, just like no feeling. I do hope that she can be back to me, all i'm wishing for it... How about u? U don't call, text, e-mail ur ex girlfriend? Or still ur girlfriend? How long u guys r on break? What was the reasons? And how long u guys have been together?
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male
reader, ironman777 +, writes (26 June 2011):
You said it yourself, you do recover and meet other people. 6 months is resonable - if being at home is the worst bit, i would organise it so your never at home. dont listen to love songs either!
good luck
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A
male
reader, Dodo85 +, writes (26 June 2011):
Dodo85 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionironman777,I understand what u're saying but i've been suffering like for 5-6 months now.... Tried to occupy my mind with everything i could, talking to friends, play games but everyday don't know why something just passing by me or showing up that remind me of my ex. Anything u can imagine, movies in the television, love songs in the coffee shop, anything that u can imagine happening in daily life. Like last time the Titanic movie was in the tv and i was out of my mind or i went to drink a coffee with one of my friend then they played love song, i said great if everything going on like this i'm gonna be out. Especially at nights when i'm alone my mind is just on her....:-( I'm trying to stay strong but it's really very difficult to not hear from her, i guess i'm gonna do limited contact then? What do u think? And this is my 2nd time that i got hurt badly by the way, first one also because long distance so u can imagine i'm tired that because of the long distance we broke up, i'm tired with the relationships and i've decided long time ago that i'll give one more shot to my ex if we break up then i'll choose to be single, no more relationship for me. Actually i could get over with the first one but with this one i can't, don't know why and i'm 100% sure that i can be back to her country but still she's like this....
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A
male
reader, ironman777 +, writes (26 June 2011):
look even you admit that what she has said has hurt you and thats why you flow from hating to loving and back to hating and back to yearning again all at once and making you feel so confused and uncertain about the future. Thats what breaking up from love is all about. I'm going through a similar thing, all though we offically call it a break its actually a break up I think...like you I have hope that it isnt but you also have the put the realisitic view to it and say that in all likelihood things wont work out and you wont get back together. Dont rush to meet other people, you are still in the middle of this breakup and it would be unfair on any new person you meet to come into a relationship with you in this condition. take time for yourself and just relax. Relationships take alot out of people and while you have awesome memories of the relationship, they almost always come also with a fair amount of pain and uncertainty which does your head in too. At least your not having that now as much and the feelings you are having will fade with time.Keep busy, enjoy your own time for yourself and give her time alone also. Your relationship with her could be over but there is always the potential that it could be on again later.
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male
reader, Dodo85 +, writes (26 June 2011):
Dodo85 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionironman777,Where did u see the blame? I've been just trying to explain what happened and how.... Even though i know that if she did like this, like cheating or whatever i should forget her but i just can't, i love her madly.... I wanted to send that e-mail because she's been contacting me, don't know what she wants from me. Probably yeah, she cares about me but she knows that very well i can't look at her as a friend, she's more than that to me because seriously she wasn't like this before, posting a picture of her in bikini (she was in her dormitory), i could understand this if she took it at the beach but while she's in dormitory? And she started to talk bad words. When i was with her she was kind of innocent.... I just can't believe that she changed to this way. So with that e-mail i wanted to let her know that she better not do that because people will just think that she's a bad girl, one of my friend already told me that he was shocked when he saw my ex's picture. U know, she blamed me a lot of times, she hurt me over and over by saying a lot, bringing up the bad side of mine all the time, i told her why is she just thinking bad side only, why not good side of mine? She couldn't give me any clear answer to this, she just said i had good side but bad more which isn't true and i think this is not a straight answer. I'm tired with her mind games now actually but at the same time i just hope that she can come back to me, i know that i should move on and find someone else and there is actually but i just have no feeling for her, everytime when i talk to the new girl my ex is coming up to my mind....:-( I don't really wanna give up my ex, i don't know why i can't get her out of mind, still would like to fight for this love but at the same time i'm confused, i mean i don't really wanna do any stupid thing that will push her away even more....
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A
male
reader, ironman777 +, writes (26 June 2011):
Hi - your email is full of blame language. Read how many times you say the word you in it. Now its natural and part of the breaking up process and actually a sign that your starting to get over her.
However if you dont want to feel bitterness all the time about your relationships, I would think positive thoughts and send email saying how much you enjoyed her company instead.
No contact is the best option even if you want to try and get back with her later - give her time to miss you and wonder what you are up to.
Good luck
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A
male
reader, Dodo85 +, writes (25 June 2011):
Dodo85 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, i think we had strong connection.... We did almost everything u can imagine, we traveled together, we were talking about our marriage, our future life and so on.... And i was her first boyfriend, her first kiss, her first everything. But because of the damn long distance she broke up with me which i think it's the main reason but i'm not sure, also we were just far away from each other for like 2 months and she started to cheat me by kissing a guy. Also we haven't broken up, we were still in relationship. I've been trying to look for someone else and there's a girl but i just have no feeling for her, everytime when i talk to her my ex is coming to my mind right away...:-( I'm just really wondering why she didn't delete our pictures, especially from the site where i'm not on it, she doesn't think that she'll hurt the new guy? Because i think he is there.... He knows that my ex and i had problem with each other and she needed time to solve it with me. But anyway at the beginning she told him everything, like she's not virgin anymore, i'm like this, i'm suffering without her, i love her and so on.... I miss her badly now, i looked at my phone and wanted to dial her number a lot of times but i controlled myself because i don't wanna push her away more. I tried everything at the beginning, begging, pleading, sending her e-mails, texts, calls everything u can imagine but i got nowhere. Even she ruined my birthday which was on may 22nd by saying a lot of things, like there's a guy who loves her no less than me, i'm not right for her etc.... That day i let all my true feelings out to her, i told her that my birthday wishes were work it out together and be together again but all i got from her she wants to be single for some years also when she's ready for the relationship she'll choose that guy so u can imagine that how my birthday could be...:-(
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (25 June 2011):
 I think that depends on how much connection you had before. Your email scriptl made you sound like a victim in a weaker position. If your view of her is an ungrateful, untrustworthy person, then there you go she is not worth your time, then this break up is actually good for you. Her actions need no explanation. You should just keep your communication light hearted. Instead talk about things you are enjoying doing, things that happened throughout the day that reminded you of her. You can actually get your ex easier by accepting the break up, losing interest and start looking for someone else. Not guaranteed but some people would only come around when there is a sense of urgency, or a deadline.
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