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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: This is going to be a doozy...A few months ago, in February, I thought it would be cute to let my boyfriend go through my e-mail account. My boyfriend and I have been going out for a year and a bit now. We both are fairly jealous and I thought it would put his fears to rest.But it did not.Two months before this incident, I had been talking to a male friend. We'll just call him Bob. Bob and I had always fought off and on, because we are both hot-tempered people, and as a result, I had not talked to Bob in nearly a year.But he was still a friend. Just a rude one...so at the end of November, I contacted Bob and told him we should go back to being friends.He refused and said that he wanted to be more than that. At first I had tried to make him see that I WAS NOT SINGLE and would not cheat on my current boyfriend, nor did I want to leave my boyfriend for him, but he persisted, which is when I blocked him.Well, these were the e-mails which have since screwed me royally. Since that time my boyfriend no longer trusts me because he thinks I was having an "emotional affair"...which I think is pretty ironic, considering that I terminated the e-mailing because I was so in-love with my current boyfriend.Since this time we've been fighting...and fighting, and fighting, and fighting, and fighting."Why do you have to have male friends?" is now the big one. I at first made him feel more at ease by deleting all my male "friends" on facebook, and creating a joint e-mail account. After doing these things though, he wouldn't do the same for me. He doesn't switch over all of his other accounts into the one we created, and he still has all of his female friends.So two days ago I, without thinking added a male friend on facebook. My boyfriend got extremely upset and went and added a whole bunch of girls just to get even with me. It has escalated on both sides since. I kept adding male friends I had previously deleted, and he just added girls he knew I didn't like.Until this morning. He asked me to delete all the males on my account once again, and I said I would, as long as he deleted all of the females on his...which is where he refused.He says that I should be punished for regaining contact with Bob, because it hurt him, and that the females he was friends with had nothing to do with it.So instead he just deleted his whole account, and I've followed suit.What the hell type of bloody mess is this?I don't want to do this anymore.I'm FED UP! I just don't want to care.He obviously no longer trusts me, and has yet to forgive me for contacting Bob.I feel like just curling up into a ball and never coming out.Advice please?If you need any more information just ask. I was just trying to make this as short as possible.
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male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (23 April 2008):
 Hi,
it really sounds like you two are very similar personality types. This can be more problematic than one would think.
You both have serious trust issues and are in competition with each other.
If a 10 year marriage and kids were involved I would suggest counselling to help repair the damage.
But at your age? Good grief, find someone else, why put up with all the bs?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2008): Hi Hunny
There is one huge trust issue going on here and the wierd thing about it is that you are both being faithfull but arguing about the fact that you may not be one day because of certain male/female friends..Why is it ok for him to have female friends if its not ok for you to have male friends? Bob well I can relate to a bob hunny my bob was like your bob rude and very frustrating and the reason behind it was because bob didnt want to be my friend he wanted much more so bob had to go...Just as yours did, He was angry because he couldnt have his own way, You cant explain this to your fella? That you gave him a chance as you though friends would be fine but then you came to realise that his intentions where not true so you havent bothered since and that is why there has been no more contact as you told bob to piss off!!!!! (Sorry hunny!!!!)Then all the twoing n frowing with delete this and delete that untill your both in such a mess you've just deleted your lives and all you have is each other and your not talking....Jealousy will ruin any relationship you have to have trust, If he doesnt trust you then your not going to feel good about anything you do, Walking on eggshells that is no life. You need to be confident in yourself and in your beliefs and hunny you havent done anything wrong, You let him loose on your e-mail account and up popped u no who!!!!!!You didnt do anything but let your ex friend no that you were happy and now your in a huge pickle..You can't carry on like this forever as the jealousy thing will just ruin everything if someone doesnt put a stop to it love...
http://www.womensselfesteem.com/index.html
Here is a link for you hunny, To help your self esteem as when your banging your head against a brick wall all you will get is a sore head...He needs help hunny with his trust issues and the jealousy to make this work, This may help you pop a few things into perspective sweetheart and give you some added confidence, But if he is not willing to help himself then you wont get anywere, You have to be the person you are inside free spirited and able to relax with the one you love, Dont curl up into a ball sweetheart read this hopefully it will help you I do hope so love..TAKE CARE OF YOU WITH LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2008): both of you should learn to be more mature and not fight about male/female friends on facebook. my bf had no female friends on his facebook, but he still managed to cheat on me. my point is if one will stray, he will do it and even if you delete all friends of the opposite sex from online accounts, he can still cheat, if he wants to. it doesn't have anything to do with online accounts. get over this facebook issue. it's such a small problem to ruin your relationship with.
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A
male
reader, Andrew83  +, writes (22 April 2008):
 You both need to sit down and really talk about this before it gets too much and maybe end what u both have.Come up with a plan, talk about it and set a day to start it. Eg, no internet for so long, if he doesnt trust you now then you both have to work on that 1st of all and then slowly grow from that. Something like that but you both have to do it and agree to it.Thats just an example.I dont think him wantin you to delete all of your male friends and he keeps his female friends is fair, to me thats goin one way and can get worse.The both of you sit down and really talk.. Talk about whats on both your minds, what you dont like is more to the point here. Work on the trust is a must.If you can, keep us all posted on how you both get on.I hope the best for you both
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A
male
reader, binhquangdao  +, writes (22 April 2008):
 there is a trust issue and you guys need to get past that issue to keep the relationship going but trust involves not putting each other into private stuff like email accounts you can trust him but still have your life and deal with it.
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