A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I will have been dating my gf for 4 years at the end of the month. Every year for our "anniversary" I buy her lingerie and jewelery. Buying her lingerie this year has been stressfull because of her weight. My gf is 5 ft 3 inches tall and weighed 130lbs when we started dating. Last year for our 3 yr anniversary she weighed around 155lbs and I got away with buying her size medium, up from a size small the two years before. She is self conscious about her weight gain always saying stuff like "I need to loose weight, and I am getting so fat" She probably needed a size large last year but I didn't want to get her that size.The issue this year is that she has gained a lot of weight over the last year. Two weeks ago she weighed 182 lbs and cryed about how "fat" she is and that I am going to leave her. This is not true at all, I love her, we both graduated from college last year and have been living with each other since(and I am prolly going to pop the question this summer).So the issue is do I still buy her the lingerie. I want to because I want to show I still find her atrractive, and I have done it every other year. However what size do I get her. I know her bra size that not a problem, the problem is the pantie size. My gf is taking classes online for her masters and I work all day. At christmass she could still fit into her size 14 jeans, but a couple of weeks ago when she tried to wear them she could not get them over her butt. Mostly she wears athletic shorts and my T-shirts now. She has not gone to buy new clothes and I think she may be in denial about her weight a little. So when I went shopping the other day at victoria secret the sales person wasn't sure if my gf could fit into the lingerie at the store. They only carry up to size large, and I have to go online to buy larger sizes. She thinks my gf might be able to wear a large, but an XL would be better. I then went to fredricks of hollywood and had about the same luck. Fredircks carries up to an XL in the store but the sales person thinks she may need an 1XL.I am sorry for the long post, I just have no clue what to do. Do I not get her the lingerie this year, or what size do I get her. If anyone out there has any advise or knowledge about buying lingerie your opinion will be greatly appreciated on what size to get. Thank you
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anniversary, bra , christmas Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2008): Thank you all for your responces. The tricky thing is that I don't know her pant she (neither do she). Last time to tried to wear her largest jeans (size 14) she couldn't get them over her butt to even try to button them. She has not bought any new clothes and I can only guess she would be a 16.
I am going to check torrid.com now and once again that you for the advice. I am still not sure what I am going to do, but I still have a few days to decide.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (22 April 2008):
 You sound so sweet, she's a lucky girl.
Okay, ideas for the lingerie part. One is to just get her a really lovely silk robe and some fantastic bedroom slippers. There's not much worry in the sizing about these, so you can just ask the salesperson at the shop.
Or check out torrid.com in the lingerie section. I think they have people you can call to get advice too, if you know her clothing size. You may need to do a little checking in the closet of the things you know she can wear, and that have a ladies size in them, like 14, 16, 18, those kinds of numbers. The ones that just say L or XL won't be much help.
Another idea is a really great jacket from a place like chicos.com.
You could also skip lingerie altogether and do a spa day certificate instead. If she's feeling really awful about herself, going to get a minimakeover or a mani/pedicure might not be such a bad idea.
Could I make one suggestion about helping her help herself? Start walking with her everyday or every other day, you could buy her a gift card for athletic shoes if you think she would accept that as a loving gesture, and go out with her for a 30 minute powerwalk... I think that if she is stressed by school and her weight, she might need that little jumpstart that you can provide. You sound like you'd be able to do this in a positive way, so I trust your instincts on how to go about it.
Hope she appreciates you and good luck with your shopping!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2008): hey, well i'm not sure what advice to give but i just wanna say what a nice guy you sound to go to all this effort for your gf and that you reassure her you still find her attractive. you sound like a great couple and i wish you the best of luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2008): Yeah, don't bother about with the lingerie this year. If she really wants too lose the weight, go ahead and get her the jewelry, and get a gym pass for the both of you to work out together. Or, join a dance club. It sounds like there's way too much eating going on and not enough activity. Besides getting out and doing things together will help you to grow closer as a couple. Also, if you don't think her eating or activity level is a problem, it would probably be a good idea to get her in to see her doctor because a bad thyroid can cause excessive weight gain. Best wishes!!
~heidi
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