A
female
age
51-59,
*utofsorts
writes:I am married but had an intense soul connection with someone three years ago. My relationship with my husband is stagnant and he is never available for me, thus, my souls thirst for emotional and spiritual attention and connection. I used to fantasize about my fling all the time, even while making love to my husband. My relationship with my husband got better and my guy and I tried breaking it off so many times, but he keeps calling me back and I always seem to cave in to his sexual demands. The thing is he gets off sexually with me and then when he is good and done, he gives me spiritual lectures about how indulging is bad. On top of all this he frequents strippers and tells me about it as well as how he is not into me but trying to heal his past with an ex he can't get over and tells me that too. Hypocritical to the tee for sure but I can't seem to let go of him. I thought he loved me but it seems he is only using me for a good time. I know better and have tried so many times to get him out of my life but just don't know what to do as I cave in all the time?
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female
reader, outofsorts +, writes (13 January 2009):
outofsorts is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello All,
Yes...I did have a gut feeling that he was a sex addict..I do need to take personal responsibility!...as for lazy..sometimes you just need to hear it and get a fresh perspective on an issue that is simultaneously agonizing yet easy to make excuses to continue...I have cut all contact again...and I must stick to this no matter what...reading what seems to be my own gut instinct(including the lazy, taking responsibilty from my end part)writing back to me with via your very helpful words, I am grateful. You guys rock! Thanks so much from the heart...
A
male
reader, Horne +, writes (13 January 2009):
He may be using you, but you're letting him.
There are two people in this equation, not just one. You cave to his demands? You sound like a sexual submissive. Maybe you are and maybe you're not, but what you are doing is allowing him to use you. He can't unless you do and when you do, you may find that intense soul connection drifts off to someone else who lets him use you.
There are actually three people in this equation. The other is the one you're cheating on. He's never there for you and your relationship is stagnant? So why are you with him? I'm not the morality directory of anything but staying in a stagnant relationship and cheating on the side is good for absolutely no one.
It is also.. lazy. It gives you a place to whine about and make excuses for rather than accept some responsibility for your own actions. In nothing you wrote is any personal responsibility. Everything is someone else's fault. Learn to exercise some. That is the first step.
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A
female
reader, sheribaby38 +, writes (13 January 2009):
 he sounds like a sex addict. Why are you letting him use you to get off? Next time he calls you tell him you're not interested in being his free prostitute and tell him to go whack off to a porno. Better yet, go see his strippers and get off on one of them. This guy is creepy, I'd run him off if I were you.
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