A
female
age
51-59,
*ate1967
writes:I've been dating a great guy for two months. He texts me every day and is very sweet. We have gone out on some dates but usually only on weekends. I mentioned wanting to spend a bit more time with him more than once a week and he thought that was a great idea. However ... he never initiates asking to see me. I have occasionally asked if I can stop by for a bit and he enthusiastically says yes, always. Also, he's more into hanging out at home than going out. We will sit and cuddle on the sofa watching TV but it seems I am the one initiating a kiss. His words say he's into me. He has even said "if this works out" and talks about living together maybe some day. But his actions leave me feeling insecure and unsure.What should I do?
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (17 March 2016):
 Why not give it another couple of months and see how things develop? One of the things that an oldie but goodie dating book (A Fine Romance by Judith Sills PhD) taught me was not to take things personally. My suggestion would be to read that book and perhaps adjust your perspective on what happens when. He may well still feel ill and with a lack of energy.
If you like him then give it more time, I think. But be clear what you are looking for, in terms of initiating dates, so he’s not caught off guard.
I think that book would benefit you, I recommend it highly.
A
female
reader, Kate1967 +, writes (17 March 2016):
Kate1967 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo yes I am older. I just turned 49 and he is 56. I've been separated for a year and a half and the baggage is cleared up. The matrimonial home is sold and I've moved into a new place in August with my girls.
My b/f is laid back and goes along with anything. He tells me he likes me a lot. It's too soon to be in love obviously. He makes me smile. I'm not looking for anyone else because I really like him.
He has been getting over pneumonia but was only off work for a week and a half. He also has a new yellow lab puppy at home.
I think he's into me. But I am unsure.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (16 March 2016):
If you want a guy who initiates dates and plans then this one might not be the one for you. You do say he’s sweet and use the words “great guy” to describe him, so there’s something about him that appeals to you.
I’m a little surprised that he’s talking about living together someday, after only 2 months of weekend dates. And uses the words “if this works out”
(He has even said “if this works out” and talks about living together maybe some day.)
I’d let him know in a nice but clear manner that you’d like him to initiate dates. “Stan, I’m enjoying all our get-togethers so much. I feel like I’m the one doing all the planning and don’t want you to feel I’m pushy! It would be great to have you plan our next few dates!”
Then, drop back and let him pick up the ball, so to speak.
If he doesn’t, then you’ll have your confirmation that you will be the one doing all the planning and initiating in the relationship.
He may just be going through a tough time, health-wise, and doesn’t know you well enough to share all the awful details.
And Kate, he can’t make you feel insecure, that’s your personal attitude.
If you are unsure, ask for clarification. I think most men appreciate a woman who doesn’t assume things. They aren’t mind-readers, they are just people....
You are close to my *older* age bracket, are you just back in the dating game because of a failed relationship?
My final thought on this is that he’s not going to be the man for you. That doesn’t make him bad or unworthy. It just means that he is not the romantic partner you are looking for!
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 March 2016):
 Maybe he is very laid back, but it is nice for someone else to make an effort now and again instead of you doing all the work. Drop hints like ask him to call when he wants to see you next, or say you would like if he took you out on a date ect. If he doesn't take the hints, then tell him you are looking for more and see what he says. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Barnes66  +, writes (16 March 2016):
 He's not that into to you. When guys are into you they make an effort to be with you.If a guy doesn't chase you (initiate calls, texts, dates, etc.), I would say they are not that interested in you. I would quit chasing him. If he's interested ,he'll get back in touch
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (16 March 2016):
 Dump him. He's not in to YOU as much as YOU are in to HIM......
There's no future for you with this, indifferent, guy...
Good luck
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 March 2016):
Maybe he doesn't want to seem pushy, maybe he hasn't dated in a long time.
If you don't want to just sit at home and snuggle, arrange some dates out about town that you think you both would enjoy.
However, IMHO it's ONLY been 2 months, so what is the big hurry?
If you feel like he isn't "doing" enough - tell him. And do it in person. He isn't a mind reader so maybe you need to tell him what you would like to see happen.
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