A
female
age
41-50,
*aina1980
writes:I've been on and off with my boyfriend for 4 years we've had are ups and downs but we've always seemed to reconnect...weve always found time to call and still tell each other how much in love we both are...He expressed to me months ago that he was tired of being alone and wanted me to move back in but I was scared because I didn't want anymore problems and I have a 6 year old already from a previous relationship and our daughter who is 11 months old who dnt need to see us fighting all the time...the problem in our relationship has been the fact that I'm not a virgin and in the beginning of our relationship I told him too many intimate things about my past... and yes details which he thinks that I'm nasty for it and expresses it all the time how he feels I'm not his because of the things I've done... mind you guys I've had a few but I'm 27 and it not like they were all @ once either..thru out the years I had flings and other relationships...i tell him all the time that I wish I could take it baalck but its my past and I never will be able to... recently ive felt a distance btween us and knew that he ha found sum1 but was in denial... I comfronted it cuz I'm tired of playing games he admitted that there is someone that he loves jes says he loves me more that I'm the mother of his child and that if I move back in he will leave her... I'm destryed over this! nothing has ever hurt this bad. I wished him happiness and luck with his relationship because I truly luv him and want him to be happy...but he keeps calling sayin I'm his wifey andd tha he loves me and doesn't want me to move on and wants me to move in...my?'s are how can he love me and have moved on? should I believe him ? what should I do when I'm tryung to show him that I'm happy when I'm not and feel like a total fake for it?!plesse some help me I'm desperate and have no one I mean no1 to tturn to about my problem...
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female
reader, taina1980 +, writes (25 May 2008):
taina1980 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionno I have never cheated... however o told him way too many things about my past because it was the beginning of our relationship & we were sharing sexual experiences...& after we became serious is when he began to bring these things up & how bad they hurt him... I said that I was sorry... but I took a lot of the things I said back & said that I was trying to glamourize my second life & my relationship life to impress him so that he wud thnk that I was gud in bed... but this is a lie...i just wnted him off my back about it because I love him & I am truly sorry that I said anythng... I love him& if I cud go back & be a virgin I wud & thsts for me not him... I regret my past but I was never ever a whore...i wish I cud no how to fix this so that he knows my past means nothing to me..i fell in love with he is my first love... I love him unconditionally even if it means let go & let him b happy else where...
A
female
reader, smileee94 +, writes (24 May 2008):
 Hey,
I think that this guy could still love you... but you have to be careful. He had moved to another women, but he doesnt want you to move on to anyone else. Since you are the mother of his child you guys will always have something together. I think that if he is really trying and showing you that he really cares and loves you than you should give him another chance. But if hes just gonna go back and do the same thing and you guys argue all the time than maybe it would be time to move on... wish you luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2008): Hang on a minute. Take a deep breath and step back. He's in another relationship, and he's calling you, telling you he loves you more than her and wants to be with you. Do you really want to be with a man who has that little respect for women? What about when he finds someone else and does that to you?
He is wrong to judge you on your past. If you've not done anything to him (you do not specify) then he's got no right to bring it up as an issue. A new relationship should be a clean slate - a chance for you to prove yourself to your partner. On the other hand if you have cheated on him or done anything else which may be an issue, he has every right to be suspicious and wary. Either way, this is an issue that will keep coming back - your own words, you are an "on and off" couple.
You seem confused even about your status in his life - you open by referring to him as your boyfriend, then later say he is with someone else. Your instincts were right. Your children do not need this instability and mind games being played between the two parental figures in their life.
Basically, get him to make up his damn mind, or do it for him. If he can get over your past, accept a new start and trust you, and he wants a permanent relationship and to make a family unit, he has to show commitment to that. If he can't do that, get rid. He's making life hard for you, having to hang on waiting for him, and for your children, who are the most important of all.
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