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female
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anonymous
writes: This year I became involved with a guy I met online, who lives in another country. After some months of talking, he came to visit me this past summer for 2 weeks. It was a great visit, however he was a little cautious with me. We had a talk about this and cleared the air- he decided to be less worrisome about us and just kind of go for it... even mentioning how he'd like to move here. He's never done a long distance relationship before so he was being careful with "protecting" our feelings. When he went home, he missed me, so he made plans to come back- and will arrive in 4 weeks. However, in the last several weeks I have noticed he is communicating less. I mentioned it to him last week when he went 6 days w/o contacting me then came online to chat. We were fine after that (I thought), talking throughout the night even. However, this was 6 days ago! He's done it again. He apologized before and made it seem like nothing. But why do it again knowing it upset and concerned me before? He is a busy guy, but... this seems strange and I'm worried! What should I do, and what's the best way to think about this whole thing now? Do I even let it continue?
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female
reader, daniella +, writes (8 September 2005):
i think this guy may have lost intrest next time you chat ask him to be straight with you and tell you how he feels you dont want to be strung along. The longer he trys to aviod you the less upset your going to get.
He may just have being busy like he says or maby he wants to cool things a bit and feels hes getting pulled in to a hole good luck.
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reader, pops +, writes (31 August 2005):
Long distance relationships are always chancey. Don't be expecting too much from this guy. He may be married, or he at least sounds like he has found someone else closer to him to see in between visits. Move on with your life, and find some nearer to you to spend time with. You are too young, and life is too short to spend weeks waiting for a visit from someone you barely know. And, yes, it will hurt. But you will survive. Most of us who ever attended a summer camp as teenagers have developed crushes on other campers, only to see the relationship end when camp ends, or after the exchange of a few letters, phone calls, emails, and the beginning of a new term at school. One or both meet new people at school, and any interest we had in maintaining a relationship with someone far away simply ends.
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A
female
reader, Delila +, writes (31 August 2005):
You are feeling rejected because it seems as if he has lost interest. We females commonly react this way when our man pulls away. His behaviour is common with most men. While you are feeling worried and stressed by his behaviour try not to blame him. Talk to your female friends about it.
Delila
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2005): Hi, it seems to me as if you don't know men. He is just being a normal guy. You will find after years of experience dating etc that after while all males tend to pull away for a bit, it means nothing more than they need some space. Can see why you are worried though, we females tend to see it as a rejection when our man wants to pull away. Hope this helps,
Delila
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2005): Hey there!
I totally understand your worries. I have something going quite similar. I do have a boyfriend at home, but still emailing with a guy i met 6 years ago. I told him i wanted to see him, and he totally agreed and told me these feelings will probably come back to him when we meet, but now he is just not e-mailing back and always when we chat he says he is going to sleep, but i can see he is still online!
What i want to say is, you can never look into somebody's life from such a distance (in my case 10 hours difference). I did confront him with my feelings and he said he does think about how it would be if we were together, but is more realistic in these things. I think he does want to keep contact, because you never know and he is single!
I think you should confront him with your agony in an e-mail, so he has all the time to think about it. Tell him you want to clear things. If he still is fague in his answer, he probably has changed his mind.
I hope this is of any help to you.
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