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female
,
anonymous
writes: I have been with my partner for a few years now. We have a great relationship even though we are very different. I have a love of travel and discovering new places. I take 3-4 vacations a year. I am financially independent and my partner and I do not live together. He does not accompany me on all my trips as he has work commitments and is not always financially able. He also does not want to travel as much and enjoys being at home. He has his own interests and I like to think I am very supportive of these and always encourage him to fulfil his ambitions. My problem is that my partner is growing more resentful of my trips away. Even though I was a free spirit before I met him( and this is one of the reasons he claims he was attracted to me) I feel I have to ask his permission before I go and also suffer days of him sulking and being distant. I always discuss plans well in advance giving him the option to join me. I think he sees my ability to enjoy life without him by my side as some kind of rejection. He lets me know how much he misses me when I am gone (often in a 'feeling sorry for himself 'sort of way) and is put out that I the distance between us isn't enough to spoil my holidays. I want to find a way to work through this so that he can come to accept that my need to fulfil my own ambitions isnt a reflection on my lack of love or respect for him. The more he holds me back, the more I begin to resent him and the more I feel myself changing into a person I don't want to be.
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reader, pops +, writes (31 August 2005):
Tell him what you have told us. The only way to work this is out is by talking to him. Jump him on his practice of trying to make you feel guilty for leaving him alone. You are not his social director. He can find other people to be with when you are on your trips. You may not like who he sees, or what he does with them, but that is a problem you are apparently willing to face. Be careful what you wish for, because you may get it. You ultimately have to decide where this relationship is going, or even if you want it go any further. After 4 years, no plans on marriage, or living together? No desire by either of you along these lines? Don't you think that is strange. Relationships are built first on respect. Sounds like you have lost yours for him. Maybe you should do him a favor and just end it.
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