A
male
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anonymous
writes:Hi, I need a bit of help - I'll keep it short.The thing is that my boyfriend is being 'head hunted' for a job that means moving away - and if he goes for it, he wants me to go with him. This means giving up my job, leaving my friends, family, hobbies etc.I'm not sure I would want to do this, but I know that he really must go for it if he can - which would probably mean splitting up, it really is too good an opportunity for him to turn down. I just do not think I can give up all I have to go with him...On top of this, he has just asked me to move in with him, what do I do?!?!? I've said yes, I'll give it a go - but the future job thing is massive for me. I really do not want to go, but I love him - I think he must go, but I don't want to leave too...HELP!!!! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2009): I think I would call him up, and tell him that your planning on moving in tomorrow, everythings packed and you want his in-put on it. Ask him what his feelings are on the situation, I wouldn't move unless I felt welcome their first. Give him a call or leave a message, if he doesn't answer, have a friend call that you know he will answer to. But he knows your moving in tomorrow I don't see why he would answer, or e-mail him, text, all the above.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate - BIG problems!!!
I said yes to moving in with him, I want to and have prepared all my clothes etc (bigger things like furniture and electronics will follow in the coming weeks).
The problem is that we have had a big arguement, it started as a minor thing but has escalated into a big issue and now he has started saying things like he doesn't think I do want to move in, even though I do. Everything he says, I give my feelings and all I get is 'it's only words'. What on earth do I do now? He will not see me, is he scared that I am actually moving in?
The decision I have made so far is to turn up tomorrow as planned with all my stuff and say I am there to move in - and go from there. If i'm told to go away, then i think that is it, its over - if I'm welcomed...I'll move in.
What do you think?
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A
female
reader, loving arms +, writes (16 April 2009):
There are questions that i think you need to ask yourself, that will help you make the choice that is right for you.
1st: Do you enjoy your job? Do you see yourself there long term? Is there a chance of promotion?
2nd:How easily transferable is your job? Is there a company in this new place you could transfer to?
3rd: How close are you to your family? Do you see them weekly? Daily? monthly? What exactly is it you'll be leaving behind? How expensive is it to visit them if you moved with your man?
4th: Do you love him? Can you see yourself loving anyone else like you love him? What would you miss if he left?
Lots of questions but if you rarely see your family, then you're not really leaving anything behind. If you're not happy at work, maybe now's a good time for a change. Could easily live without your man? Then stay behind when he leaves. Can live without him? pack your bags.
You only have one life so be happy in it. Sometimes we have to 'jump' just so we don't miss wonderful opportunities.
Good luck I hope everything works out for the best. xx
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (16 April 2009):
 planning your life and where you live around someone else is not a good move.my friend has only just escaped an abusive relationship as its much easier to batter a woman when she has no family to notice the bruises and tears.not saying this will happen but we all develop support systems for a reason and you could end up lonely and isolated putting a strain on the relationship (as you have no-one else to listen to your thoughts) which would defeat the purpose of the move i.e staying together. if his career means more than your love what does that say...
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2009): I was in this situation once. It didn't go too well... i loved him and he was meant to be leaving in 3 or 4 months and never said anything to me about coming with him. This made me very insecure, i got drunk and kissed someone else, then lied about it. When we talked it through he said he was waiting for the right moment to ask me but my mum had been very ill bla bla bla and it hadn't been the right time. so, we broke up and 2 weeks later met up and got back together on the basis that it would end when he left. we tried to end it when he moved to a different country (only 4 hours away) but ended up having an LDR which didn't really work out too well.partly it was because i needed the emotional support i was used to from him because my mother was dying - this stopped him sharing the problems he was encountering in his new life... and we drifted apart slightly, then i went out and did the same thing, decided we were over and cheated on him having not seen him for 3 weeks.it was stupid, i regret it, i think i still love him, i ruined it, i was distraught at the loss of my mother.i'd wanted him to ask me to come and for us to do something together and make our own life, but then i also struggled with the fact that i'd just be following him and leaving everything behind. his family and job were there, i would not have been going there for myself.it's a tough call and it's pretty much all or nothing. it won't be easy, i don't think LDRs work very easily.i wish you the best of luck and a strong heart! ***hugs***
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2009): Maybe you need to talk to him and tell him how u really feel? - that you love him and understand that this is a good opportunity for him but that it will also affect your life too if you go, that it will be very hard for you to go and start again with everything, find new friends, new job etc and that you dont feel ready to move yet. Yes it may affect your r/ship but.. you have to be honest and true to yourself, no point moving with him and hating it, it will only affect you r/ship anwyay. Be honest with him and yourself.
I agree with the previous poster - u have to do whats right for you. Its a huge move for you too to go somewhere else too - does he understand this?
hope this helps in some way
good luck
good luck
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A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20  +, writes (16 April 2009):
 Tell him that you love him, but that you don't want to go with him.
I was going out with and then engaged to someone who was going into the military. I didn't want to finish my schooling all the way in Hawaii. I'm in NC. I didn't want to leave my family and friends behind.
I know it's hard, but you need to make the right decision for YOU.
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