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female
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anonymous
writes: I've recently discovered that my fiance is not only looking at Internet porn but masterbating to it. I can help but feel this is a form of cheating. It surprises me coming from him because this is very unexpected behavior for him. Do I confront him and let him know that I know or do I ignore it?
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female
reader, bonym  +, writes (1 August 2006):
 I dont know if cheating is the word I would use to describe it, I would perhaps use the word DISGUSTING.
Ask him why is he doing it in the first place? This is what my friend Dr Pete said; That is (generally) what porn is used for. It is used to released a sexual urge
And he is totally right, I agree, but for me as an individual, if my guy was masturbating to porn instead of being intinate with me, I would be angry at him!!! Thats just my view. Like Dr Pete says talk with your fiance. Talking is the first step. Good luck. xXx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2006): Is it cheating.. Well.
That all depends on whether or not you view it as cheating. It is your view that matters. If you do, then stick to your principles.
People, obviously, have different views towards sex, pornography, intimacy, relationships and cheating. All these views, ideally, should slowly be discussed with your partner as you get to know them more.
To be honest, and with no disrespect to you, you do seem a little naive. It is not surprising that he masturbates to porn. That is (generally) what porn is used for. It is used to released a sexual urge.
It is probably very common for most men (but not all) to do this, but that doesn't necessarily make it right. Talk to your fiance about all of this. Perhaps you will change your opinion on whether or not it is cheating, or perhaps you won't. At least by discussing it you can come to a better informed opinion and decide how you want to proceed.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2006): Lmaoooooo omg! its not cheating at all! Just cuz your with someone doesn't mean you're going too not have fantasies about other women. Everyone has fantasies about other women, though too my girlfriend i would never cheat on her. You have too be fair, im sure females have fantasys on other men.
An image is better than actually touching that person in real life.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2006): If a man is so damn curious who wants him anyway...Do yourself a favour love and ditch him....he's already ditched you...emotionally anyway
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female
reader, doublethink +, writes (31 July 2006):
 Don't worry about it. He has fantasies about other women and other sexual situations. He likes a lot of sex. Normal, man, methinks!If he's masturbating to porn, it's a safe way of him getting some different sexual experiences without actually going with another woman - in other words, it's a way of satisfying curiosity without cheating.I think you need to try to talk to him about it some more, without accusing him. Try asking him why he likes it - what does porn do for him. I don't think he'll tell you it's because he loves porn stars more than you, or that he doesn't love you!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2006): To the question
this is for the anon female reader, does that mean that women are disrespectful and unfaithful towards they're boyfriends when they masturbate? I'd say thats a bit unfair.
There is a hell of a lot of difference from masterbating to looking at porn....I dont give a damn if my partner masterbates but doing it to other naked women....now thats different, its rude, disrespectful and cheating
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2006): ok i could care less if my bf masterbates w/ porn. I mean if im not around and he is horny, i dont consider it cheating. I dont understand girls who have this huge problem w/ porn, i dont get it. As long as u arent addicted to it or nething then i dont mind it for a girl or a guy. Also as long as ppl see the reality that alot of porn isnt the real deal, and women arent men's sex slaves then whats the big deal?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2006): My bf gets off to porn, not all the time, but ever couple of months ill know if his been getting off to it while he thinks im asleep.whats bugs is that iv told him im very happy to have him cme and wake me up at any time if he feels horny. i love sex :) im young, very youthful looking and i get alot of attention of guys, but my bf still goes and cheats on me by getting off to a stranger on a screen or piece of paper.
I have told him how it makes me feel yet he turns it around and makes it my problem, i have never asked him to stop doing it, i though he would just stop once he knew what it was doing to my self confidence, but he did'nt.
as fair as i am concernd if he wants to spend his time wankng of to a stranger rather then be with me someone who loves him and would be happy to have sex everyday then he does not deserve me.
I onyl stay with him because i beleive he is slowly learning, but i have come t a point if i catch him doing it red handed one more time its over, because as fair as i am concerned i can do alot better then a liar (CHEATER). i know that there are alot of men our there that have fair more respect for people.
SO yes looking at porn is cheating, and i know its a shock to learn that he is getting off to it, iv been with my man for almost 3 years and only in the last 6months has he been getting off to it, yet our relationship never changed no fights no communication failure, one of his male friends (porn addict) started giving my bf porn and has basically brainwashed my bf into thinking porn is ok. but all i ahve to say is id stay away from men who get off to it on a weekly bases as in another 10 years his probably not going to be able to perform in the bed too long because his not looking at a porno. then he will probably cheat with a younger women because he has un-realistic expectations of you that you could never physically meet, then the marriage/relationship will fall apart.not all relationships are like this but it is becoming a very common problem.
i say leave him, if he doesnt stop, confront him with your feelings, dont yell at him or anything just talk, if no luck then just move on, that will teach him a lesson, i bet he will stop once he realises an image on a screen will never be as good as someone who loves them. there is millions of pornos out there but there is only one of you, and if he chooses porn over you then thats his loss not yours.
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A
female
reader, confusedandinluv +, writes (20 July 2006):
A male reader, martini +,
my opinion is just this: Allow and respectively let someone have thier own opinion... 0n that note I just agree to just agree...with this in mind it keeps me from getting offended by someone else's opinion and hopefully let's others know just because I disagree doesn't make me wiser or smarter.
To your comment: Second, I disagree that porn makes a guy feel like all the women are serving him and him alone, as if he was Emperor and all women are his sexual slaves.
This statement came from men and the organization called "MAP" Men Against Porn" just so you know this is not a woman's opinion but men's opinion.
You say porn does not make you feel the way that it does for some men that belong to "MAP". Good for you!!! I applaud you for having enough respect for your girlfriends to stop something that bothers them!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2006): [coughs up the] Okay, behave right? I'll behave enough.
First of all, HOLY CRAP! That was HUGE! HUGE I SAY! [panics and runs away] *POOF*
Second, I disagree that porn makes a guy feel like all the women are serving him and him alone, as if he was Emperor and all women are his sexual slaves.
As with 2nd Anon female on the post, above Chunky-Monkey, you must have had a lot of problems with men in general to be saying all men who look at porn are pigs. I would normally be insulted a little by your comment, but considering you're an Anon, I guess I'll just brush that aside a bit as dust is to the fan.
As with cheating, this depends on your concept of cheating, and it depends on what his intentions are with porn.
Back to 2nd poster Anon, your 'logic' dictates that say a man who drinks beer means he's a bastard drunkard as well. A man who races go-karts is also a city drag racer. A man who smokes pot is also someone who injects heroin. A man who goes to the firing range likes to kill animals or people. Yes, those are extremes, but your view of men who view porn can also be an extreme.
I hate threads like this, but I can't stand ignorance to that level. Aside from compassion, consideration, and care, the key element of a relationship is communication and compromise. I always say that to those who don't do those basic things.
Porn and masturbation isn't the same for every man and woman out there. When I'm single and mb to porn, I load up some movie or picture and it becomes a mental stimuli. It's there to help get me off, and that's that. Finished, unload, close, go do something else. When I'm with someone, I mb a lot less. I mb when my partner is sleeping, or when she's too tired or sick. Porn to me is NOT emotional. It's not even a fantasy. I don't imagine banging those porn stars as if they are slaves to my cock. They are simply a stimuli to help me get off. As beer is to help me with my work stress, as a nice glass of Port is to give me a passing buzz, as racing my motorcycle is a form of rush pleasure, riding my bike to relief physical and emotional pressure, watching a comedy and eating Lay's Wasabi chips to fill my mental and mouth watering needs.
I never hide the fact I look at porn to my gf's. If they feel sad/depressed, I'll simply stop. Porn isn't important. Just like beer. If my gf is sad/depressed about my beer/alcohol habits, I'll cut down. Maybe even stop entirely eventually.
Communication and compromise Ms. Anon. 8]
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female
reader, confusedandinluv +, writes (20 July 2006):
Millions of men and women have porno addictions and this is a world wide problem that causes many problems especially in relationships. If you are like me it is painful because you want him to be loyal to you and not look at other women's naked bodies. I have the same issue in my relationship. My boyfriend would actually lock himself in a room watch porno and beat off. Knowing I knew what he was doing. Talk about feeling hurt! It was very hurtful for me and it made me feel like he didn't want me and I was not good enough! After all I was right there ready and willing to please him.What I did:I went online and researched porno and addiction to porno... that helped me understand the attraction of porno and why it becomes so addictive, There is a lot of education online about porno and support if you need it. I did my best to confront my boyfriend with love. I did not jump on him or condemn him for it.Believe me they feel guilty about it...especially if they are viewing in secret. I told him it was normal for a guy to want to see other naked women....even if they loved thier partner and are attracted to them. However if it is causing problems they need to refrain from the temptation. I believe porno is like a fantasy. Example: All of those naked women performing just for him....making the man feel important! In reality they really are not there just for him...it just makes him feel like they are. Plus all they have to do is self gratification...they do not have to worry about pleasing the woman...selfish but true. Even though a man or woman maybe very sexually active and satisfied with their partner they still will use porno for self gratification. The fact is most men masturbate and want the visual to enhance the feeling.If you make a man or women feel bad about watching porno and they have an addiction it will only make him or her defensive and more secretive about it. Anyway I told my boyfriend how hurtful it was for me for him to view porno and not turn to me especially if I was there ready and willing to satisfy him. I did not put him in a position to choose....me or porno. I asked him to please take my feelings into consideration for example...how would he feel if I wanted to see another man's penis to get off on? My boyfriend said he wouldn't like it but some in defense might say it wouldn't bother them. In reality I am sure any man wouldn't like it. Some men might even come back and say you are just insecure (mine did). Don't buy into that excuse. I am not insecure about my sexuality but became insecure with trusting my boyfriend. Being caught veiwing porno may make one angry so they will try to make you the one who has a problem not them. Just remember it has nothing to do with being insecure it has to do with wanting loyalty and the only woman in his life. If this man really loves you he will take your feelings into consideration. If he is willing to admit he has a problem tell him you are there to help him. Allow him to tell you when he might feel tempted...without punishing him..getting angry...lashing out without saying mean things...not saying that is what you would do .... I am just sharing some dos and dontsDo not take him viewing porno personal. This could be just something new for him and he is curious or it could be a big time addiction. I am not an expert on this and I am still dealing with it too. However there is help for us online. We can learn from others and how they handle this problem. If it is an addiction then he can't stop without help and support. Before you confront just have a a good plan....educate yourself and seek support from other women on how they dealt withthis issue as well as dos and don'ts. Believe me there is a lot of help online...just search. Did you know that the number one problem that men have in churches today.... is porno. It favors no particular person. That is why I say do not take it personal. I know it may be hard to do, but this is addiction not a personal attack!!!! Men view sex very differently. They may see that porno as not cheating since they are not actually have physical contact with another personal. There are a lot of happily married men satisfied sexually with thier wives but still look at porno. I have my own personal belief that porno is cheating...and this is my belief. If my man is using another woman's body to get off then he is cheating on me. Even if he is not being physical. Cheating can be even just an emotional need met by the opposite sex outside of a relationship. Again my spiritual belief.If you are not opposed to using porno between the two of you to enhance excitement in your relationship then the man or woman that mainly wants it needs to give the other person the right to turn it off or throw down the magazine remote when they are ready for just one on one. I am in no way encouraging this it is just a suggestion that I read in a magazine. I do not believe porno is right because of all of the problems it can cause. I do not condemn or judge anyone who views it..that is not my job. I only judge what is right in my life.I hope this helps!!! Best of luck.....but do not ignore it or you will be eaten alive with bitternes, anger and jelousy which will not do you any good.
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A
female
reader, jessekk69 +, writes (20 July 2006):
 yes its a form of cheating. he's getting pleasure from other women. i have left all the men i have been with who have looked at porn because i think if they respected you and really loved you they wouldnt do it. my husband, the father of my two children knows if he even takes one little look at it. our marriage will be over in seconds.and i would never take him back!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2006): this is for the anon female reader, does that mean that women are disrespectful and unfaithful towards they're boyfriends when they masturbate? I'd say thats a bit unfair.
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A
male
reader, Allio121 +, writes (20 July 2006):
 dont take it personally, most men are assosiated with porn in some way or another and masturbating is completely natural, porn isnt cheating on someone anyway so dont worry about it
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2006): Confront him, men are pigs (yes all of them who view porn) Dont listen to the pathetic excuses and women who have no self esteem and say its OK, cause its not, its rude , disresepctful and yes it is cheating. I say, leave his sorry arse after all if he even feels the needs to look at other womens bodies he obviously doesnt think much of yours (sorry but we may as well tell ourseleves the truth about these men) and by the way I bet your gorgeous anyway....
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female
reader, chunky_monkey +, writes (20 July 2006):
Confront, it worked with my boyfriend and i after an arguement. He told me that im more important than porn
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