| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: Well, I broke up with my "boyfriend" over a month ago. And I'm still not over it.We'd been good friends for years and years, and he had liked me for this time as well. Eventually I got feelings for him, which he was really suprised but thrilled about. I kept telling him I wanted to wait until the end of the year because school was important to me but eventually I gave in. So we got together. We probably lasted 3 weeks, and then he broke up with me over a misunderstanding with some guy adding me and telling me lies about my bf and he thought I believed them. He was furious and so was I but he broke it off before we could work things out.I cut off contact with him completely for two weeks wanting to move on with my life, then he IMed me out of the blue one day and we started talking, and went over where it all went wrong.. turns out he had wanted to speak to me before that whole misunderstanding.. he thought we were "too different" and i was too insecure about his exes, and he didn't want to distract me this year, etc etc.. we had been so happy up until this point, I had no idea he was having second thoughts. Anyway, he then brought up possibly getting back together.. and we agreed on meeting in person to discuss it. Well, I went up to him and he obviously didn't want to talk about us, so I got mad and he said he'd changed his mind and only wanted to be friends. So we didn't talk again for weeks. Then he came up to me the other day said he wanted to put it all in the past, and move on, and he invited me to his party. Anyway, we're "Friends" again now but I know it's not the same and probably never will be. I asked him the other day "do you ever think about whether it could've gone differently?" and he said "i guess so" and then changed the topic.I just can't understand this.. if he had liked me for this long, why did he give up on us so easily? He's definitley over me now too. At the time we were going out, it was obvious he liked me more than I liked him (and I liked him A LOT) and he had told me he loved me only a few days before he dumped me. He had said he had never felt so strongly about anyone and that he had even liked me when he was going out with other people. And yet he got over me so easily. Why'd he give up on me so easily if he liked me so much? And why he'd get over it so quickly yet I still haven't been able to? I just can't understand where it all went wrong.
View related questions:
broke up, his ex, insecure, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2006): He gave up so easily because simply put-he thought you and he weren't right for each other. He and you were not on the same 'page'-and he perhaps sensed that telling you this would cause you this self-doubts and pain. Stating that he 'loved you and he felt strongly for you" was unthinking of him especially if he was having 2nd thoughts. But don't blame him-look at your role in this, too. Right now, you are hurt, frustrated and the rejection you feel, is painful. It is for most of us. But I sense, you went a bit far by putting too much hope and faith in this guy. There is nothing wrong with wanting a relationship that will last forever but ....but when you pin all your heartfelt hopes and big expectations on a 3 week dating relationship to last forever, that is unrealistic. He sensed insecurities in you, and past baggage..this likely caused him to have some second thoughts. The biggest turn off for many guys is neediness in a woman. I once heard a very good expression about relationships..."As long as we believe that someone else has the power to make us happy then we are setting ourselves up to be hurt, over and over" We all have the power to make 'us' happy, we cannot depend on others to do that for us. This is where self-love comes in. It is so crucial in a relationship. Your relationship ended-this is not a failure or your great punishment. Please remember that. If we can start seeing relationships not as the goal but as opportunities for growth then a girl can start having more functional relationships, in her future. FAce this loss because breaking up, teaches people strength, resilience and the ability to move forward and simply say "it didn't work and yes, I'm upset-it's time to look after myself and do the work of moving on". Take all of what happened to you...and know, this is a life lesson about dating.. Learn from this and remember in the future...have fun with new relationships, stay happy, confident and have fun but learn to take it slow.
A
female
reader, kdlady +, writes (20 July 2006):
This is a classic case of he's too young! Believe it or not, noone, not even boys get over deep feelings so quickly. It sounds like you are young and he is young and often times young men start running when feelings for a woman get too deep. They become scared. The become weird and confused and don't know what to do. So, the try to find someone else to help get their minds off of that girl and those feelings. They try to find someone or something to occupy their minds. You have to realize that this has nothing to do with getting over you. If he is a decent human being and this wasn't about a conquest, you need to understand that all too often men run....when their young and they start to feel feelings of something more than lust. He may never come back to you or explain to you why he's doing what he is doing. He sounds too young to even know himself...I'd bet 10 years down the road when he actually becomes a man and if chance has it that you run into him and talk about this again, you'll get an explanation similar to this. He was just to young for the feelings that he had. He wanted to date around although he likes you most of all, AND THINGS WERE JUST MOVING TOO FAST FOR HIM AND HE DIDN'T WANT THAT...ATLEAST THAT'S WHAT HE THOUGHT."
...............................
|
