A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Right my situation might be perceived to some as someone who has got their priorities wrong but I will continue....Is it a stupid reason to dump someone because they don't make you feel sexually desirable enough? I am sure that he cared loads for me romantically, he adored me personality wise. Basically I found out he had been using porn during our relationship a month in. I felt really special to him; I thought he was only looking at me. We had been doing sexual stuff for 3 weeks. Now in my mind I would have thought somebody would have started thinking about their partner when they weren't there if you have started doing sexual things, this guy didn't appear to think about the sexual stuff we had done at all. He never messaged me to tell me he enjoyed it. It just seemed like he was only interested in porn. Then when I tried to stop him looking at porn he got annoyed, by this time we had done it four times a week, he behaved like he hadn't got a girlfriend. Shouldn't he of been making a sexual fuss of me? He was a virgin before he went with me surely he should have thought more about what we were doing? It seemed like he didn't think about me at all and just wanted porn. I feel like he resented the fact I didn't look like the pornstars that's why he went mad at me. It makes me feel like the sex with me was dull compared to porn. He also suffered with Erectile Dysfunction (ED) as well through prolonged porn use. Even when I did manage to get him to stop whenever he paid me a compliment it felt false... I am confused shouldn't the first few weeks be when someone is making a fuss out of you sexually? I don't like the way he made me feel secondary to pornstars but surely if I'm real he should of been more impressed by me? I still keep thinking he would have behaved differently if I looked like a pornstar. He did send some mildly suggestive texts at the beginning they trailed off when we started doing more and his porn use went up.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2013): I think the thing I have realised about myself is I can take on almost any flaw someone may have apart from the sex based ones. I am not sure what this might be called it's like I've got sexual anxiety.
A
female
reader, hotmommanell  +, writes (12 February 2013):
Almost no reason is too dumb to dump someone if you can't get past it. Everybody has their "deal-breakers" don't ever ignore those or let anyone tell you they're unreasonable. Know why? You are the one who will have to live with the consequences.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 February 2013):
 Female anonymous said:
"I am sick of people comparing porn use to a vibrator, a vibrator is a piece of plastic, porn is a picture/video of a real person who exists somewhere. Porn is alot more offensive than a vibrator."
well to some people yes...
but just like women feel threatened by porn
men feel threatened by vibrators or dildos...
the comparison is about how the item (porn or vibrators) makes the partner feel.
To the OP who I assume posted this:
"I just know, I dumped him anyway. I am 100% sure he was still into porn because he didn't appreciate my looks that much."
I think you did the right thing for you. I do not agree that just because a man does not appreciate your looks that much he's into porn. However, I do agree that a woman who does not like a man that looks at porn should be with a man who does not look at porn.
I know my husband loves the look of Sunny Leone and Angelina Valentine (two well known porn stars) the only thing they have in common is long dark hair.
I tried to grow my hair long thinking my man liked long hair... NOPE... NOT ON ME... on me he wants my hair shorter... go figure right?
I know my husband appreciates me, and my look... and he loves me.... his looking at porn does not detract from his feelings for me or his appreciation of my looks.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2013): I just know, I dumped him anyway. I am 100% sure he was still into porn because he didn't appreciate my looks that much.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 February 2013):
I'm wondering how he's making you feel this way
does he say to you he would prefer to watch porn over being with you?
does he tell you your not as hot as "so and so porn star"?
does he say he prefers porn to you?
everything you say is "I feel" "shouldn't he"
no where am I sensing that he's doing this to you more than you are doing this to yourself....
can you give me precise examples of what he's done other than actually LOOK at porn that has undermined you as his girlfriend?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2013): I am sick of people comparing porn use to a vibrator, a vibrator is a piece of plastic, porn is a picture/video of a real person who exists somewhere. Porn is alot more offensive than a vibrator.
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A
male
reader, Beingblack +, writes (9 February 2013):
 Yes, it is a stupid reason. Primarily because it is YOUR stupid reason, not his.
Just because he was a virgin before you, it doesn't automatically follow that he looks at you as if you are some sort of sexual goddess. If that news is a hefty blow to your ego, that is your problem, not his. He does not HAVE to call or text you after sex, to say how great you were.
What do you think this chap was masturbating over before you met him? How dare you think you can TELL anyone, man or woman, to stop masturbating? It is his choice isnt it?
The more I research the subject of porn and masturbation, the more I realise that in general, men and women do not understand each other.
So I have a question. If your man thought he wasn't sexually desirable enough, because when you and he have sex, you do not orgasm, then he discovered you use a vibrator in your own privacy to hit the peaks that never happen through intercourse, then he demanded that you stop using that vibrator, what would you do?
Would you think it okay if he dumped you becuase of that?
Let us have your answer.
Men will watch porn and masturbate if they are that way inclined, whether they are in a relationship or not.
Women masturbate however they want to, whenever they want to, but hide the fact and dont brag about it, whether they are in a relationship or not.
He is not comparing you to a pornstar. You are comparing yourself. Stop doing it, and live your life.
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A
female
reader, Cripes +, writes (9 February 2013):
Bear in mind that you are saying "I FEEL like he resented the fact I didn't look like the pornstars" You have no proof that he feels like that at all, that is just how the situation has made you feel. I think it's highly likely that he doesn't at all feel like that, and doesn't compare you to porn stars at all.In my opinion, he probably feels stressed about his own performance - especially with the ED. The thing about porn is that no-one is there to assess his performance - it's totally selfish so it can't make him feel bad. It's not that porn is better than YOU, but that it's better than HIM, if that makes sense? He probably uses porn to relax, whereas actually having sex with you is probably all kinds of stressful for his insecure little brain.Anyways, that's not a reason for you to stay with him. He seems like a poor boyfriend and he's not making you happy. Just don't blame yourself. Watching porn and having sex are two very different things - like watching "Glee" and singing in a choir, or watching karate kid and doing karate. Sure, doing karate is way more rewarding than slobbing around watching a film, but if you feel like you're crappy at karate it's easier to just watch Daniel do it and share his highs and lows vicariously.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2013): No, that is NOT a stupid reason to dump someone! I think it's a very valid and understandable reason.
If things are this bad so early in the relationship, it will probably only get much worse.
Personally, I'd get out of this relationship before u get more attached.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (9 February 2013):
This guy has his priorities. They're messed up but that's his choice. Excessive porn use can certainly cause ED among other things. So if he's happy with porn, you need to find someone who'll be happy with YOU.
In most circumstances I believe women are too quick to claim that men choose porn over them. But in this one that's exactly what you're doing. At the beginning of a relationship you should feel amazing, since you feel neglected already, get the heck out!
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