A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:he made me make an abortion and he keeps on telling me dat he love me,i do really love him but im not sure if he really love me after what he has dan to me. i dont know if i should give him another chance,is de any guy dat wil drove his girl to make an abortion becoz of thier relationship ups and downs.plz help if i have to forgive him or i have to move on with my life without leting him near me
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2009): Anyone who MAKES YOU do something that you may not want does not love you but thinks, however incorrectly because you haven't corrected him, THAT HE OWNS YOU.
A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity  +, writes (23 November 2009):
 First off, no one can make you have an abortion. It is ultimately your choice to have one, and unless he put a gun to your head and dragged you to the clinic while holding everyone there up as well, you were the one that made the ultimate decision. So I think the first step you need to take is realizing that the abortion was your choice, not his. You could have said no and had the baby anyway no matter what he said, but you chose to go along with what he said. The only way you'll get past this is excepting full responsibility for your actions.
The second step is asking yourself what part in this did he have. Was he just really vocal about you having the abortion? Was he nagging and rude about it? Obviously he wasn't willing to hear your side of the situation, which doesn't make very good boyfriend material. Especially when the decision involves you so much. He was rude and disrespectful when it comes to a very serious topic. It sounds like he hasn't grown up yet. What I would do is realize that the abortion was in actuality, your decision, and dump this guy for being such a jerk through the entire process. Normally I would say to talk out disagreements, but this was a time in your life when you needed his support the most, and he seems to have failed miserably. Not something you want later in life.
So get rid of him and move on. Know next time that this kind of thing is your decision alone. And that you have to deal with the first hand consequences, not your boyfriend or husband. And don't blame other people for the decisions that you have personally made.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2009): Plenty of men ask the women they have impregnanted to have an abortion if they feel that its not right for them or the relationship isn't right, however he didn't force you to have an abortion. He may have scared you with emotional blackmail, but ultimately the choice was also yours and you cannot blame him completely for a decision you had a part in.
This is ofcourse unless he pushed you down the stairs of physically forced the abortion on you himself, which I think is unlikely in this case, but if it is I would tell you to run 7 miles and then keep going. Or if he was physically threatening your life if you kept the baby.
However, if you and he "talked" about it and you felt he would leave you if you didn't have one then the purpose of you having the abortion was pointless. Cause then you could have just had the baby and he wouldn't be with you anyways. Personally, I would ask you to accept your role in this matter and stop completely blaming him. If you did it to stay with him then you have to accept that was your reasoning and if only now you realise it was a mistake, you should move on and learn from this leason.
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