A
female
age
30-35,
*elissaT
writes:Mod note: OP's own titleHe cheated on me for the past two years out our 4yrs and fallen in love with her. We both believe we were his only one and we found out about each other the same week. He begs me not to leave him and beg her the same thing. I love him dearly, and he tells me she will not accept if I get pregnant for him. So he is pressuring me to make a child with him asap. I never met his family, because am black and his family is racist, but his family love and adore her because she is white like them. He says if I get pregnant his family will have to accept me. but he still does not want to leave her! she is pressuring him for three of us to meet so he can tell me in front of her that he does not want me anymore; but he refuse to do this because he says he loves me a lot and will never put me through such pain, and also he would be lying to himself if he says he does not want me anymore; so he think she will leave and then I cud finally be introduce to his family. I ask him what if she does not want to leave, but his reply was that he is really embarrassed that he deceive us both and he is hurt and confuse about everything, he said she is innocent because he did not told her about me in the beginning. He can't tell me he will leave her but he is so sure about wanting a baby with me because he says he needs me to 4ever be in his life. and he says he knows he is a horrible man because treats me like she was there before me,its not a nice feeling. he does not live with either of us however she is his next door neighbor and I live 10mins drive away. I try to leave him last night but he convince me to stay and wait it out until he figure this whole thing out. Yet last night he come inside me and tell me he loves me. am hurt and confuse. what do you think about this whole thing? what should I do?
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female
reader, ilsehelen  +, writes (27 June 2012):
my lovely boyfriend who was also a wonderful friend and the most amazing man, went back to his ex, just because she appeared after months in his house begging him to go back to her. Im absolutely devastated and can not believe he did it to me afte all we had togheter, after he saying I was his wife, his woman, he loved me, I was his soul mate,etc, Idont know what to do and my grief is terrible. Just last night however, he sent me about 10 songs by email, songs we loved togheter, and said he tried to stay with me but she couldnt accept, so he went back to her, he LOVES US BOTH!!!!!!!
WHAT IS REALLY GOING ON HERE? He even offered to go on with our travel to Europe plans, but I did say to him that I could not, he has another woman and how could I travel with him for a month and keep it in the platonic?
I love him terribly and really dont know what to do,I asked him to come and talk to me and put a stop to it , either staying with me or telling me he does not want to see me again(he wont say that) so I can move on.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2010): Melissa,I been there in that situation and that was my cross that so heavy to carried...The best thing you will do is to finish your relationship and its not worth it to be your partner for a lifetime..you will just suffer for the stupid things he is doing...He did it now to you having a other girl?how much more if you are married?don't listen to his sweet words bec. thats all lies and he cant be trusted...throw him in the garbage.He just make your life miserable. Just think all the hard times,heartaches he did to you so that you can easily forget him and can move on...Believe me if u will still be with him it seems that you are taking a stone and hit on your head...you don't have a better future to that unfaithful/selfish/liar/stupid man bec. he is taking you in the darkness way that he is walking now...PRAY to God that He will guide you and to enlighten your mind that you decide now to leave him...Be strong...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2010): Melissa, You should love yourself enough to know that this man doesn't love you if he did he wouldn't have been cheating on you like he did and he wouldnt have to make a choice because he would know he loves u . You deserve better .Don't wait for him to make a choice , just tell him that you already chose and walk away really don't put your life on his decision what he is doing is disgusting. Best wishes for you and I know that deep in your heart you know what you should do ...dump him
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (26 June 2010):
You're being used here, and you need to get away from him. He has cheated on you, and there is no sign at all that he will marry you, or commit to you. He's using you, and you need to get away from him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2010): Melissa, I feel sorry for you both. Seriously, your man is so narcissistic it is pathological. Love for him flows only one way, from you to him, from any woman to him.
No normal emotionally healthy loving man would ask you to have his baby to keep you in his life forever. Right there is saying he will NEVER marry you, but wants to keep you around because it is so much fun to manipulate you and use you and tell you the things you want to hear to keep you off balance and confused.
He is so lazy, that he has an affair with his neighbor for two years and with you only 10 minutes away. Now that is selfishness for you.
Get away from him, he's not a good person. Go see about taking the Plan B pill to hopefully keep you from getting pregnant...do it today.
Then tell this loser to never contact you again. I am serious he's wasted 4 years of your life and you are sacrificing YOUR VERY OWN LOVE LIFE for someone who will not give you what you want and deserve. This man is sadistic and you do not want to have a child with him, he will ruin that kids life, too. You have no business purposey bringing a child into this world in these conditions. It is wrong and you know it.
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