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age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: Hi, okay so I I'm not very good with introductions so I am just going to cut to the chase.I have this friend that I've known for a year, and over the course of tht year I've fallen totally in totally and completely love with him. Well just when I got the courage up to tell him, he started dateing someone. A little while after I started dateing someone also, but I really wasn't happy so I broke it off after about 3 months of really trying to make it work. I mean it wasn't my boyfriend, he a sweetie, but I was still in love with my friend. (call him Jack). Well He is still dateing his gf (call her Kate) and I thought that they were really happy so I wasn't going to tell him anything because I wouldn't want to upset him. But then I aquired some information that complicated things a lot!See me and Jack met because last summer he was dateing my friend... Lets call her Lucy. Well shortly after I met Jack, and started talking to him, he and Lucy broke up because she cheated on him. Well he was really hurt by that, and it upset him a lot. As if that wasn't bad enough she also started spreading rumors about him to all of the people he met that summer (he lives in another town) saying that he was a liar and a horrible person, because she didn't want people to believe him if he were to tell anyone that she cheated. It worked really well because just about every he met hates him now. She totally ruined his life.Now last week she broke up with the dude that she cheated on Jack with, and suddenly she starts calling Jack apologizing for all she did last summer. I know she doesn't mean it and she's just doing it because she broke up with her boyfriend and wants a guy to date. (in case u haven't guessed she is a real slut) he called me and told me that she kept calling him and he didn't know why so I said to ignore her. He didn't listen and after a lot of talking on Jack and lucys part, they became friends again. Then she said that she still had feelings for him, and he told her that he might break up with his girlfriend for her and maybe they'd go out again. I don't know WTF I missed because last week they like hated eachother and now he is gunna leave Kate for her! It doesn't make sense and I'm soo worried that she'll break his heart again. I also am totally in love with him, and it hurts me to see him go from girl to girl, without glancing in my direction... More or less, I mean we flirt all the time and he says how much he cares about me, but sometimes I feel like he is just leading me on because he never pursues anything he says. He makes me sad way more than he makes me happy, and my feelings are hurt a lot. He's not the best person to be in love with, but I just can't help it cause everytime he says something sweet, I feel like it's all worth it.I just need to know how I can get him to realize that Lucy is not good for him and that shes only do what she's doing because she's simply bored with her life, and she likes to screw with others. (I know I didn't explain her in detail, but you've got to trust me, I watched her do this with a million guys. Everytime she breaks up with someone she goes back to a different ex, then screws them over worse than the first time. She takes some kind of screwy pleasure in it. Any advice on how to make him listen to me, without him getting offensive and trying to defend her?I was also wondering if you think I should tell him that I have feelings for him or would that just screw the situation up more?Thanx for reading and sorry about how long this post is.
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female
reader, Blonde_J  +, writes (26 June 2010):
Tricky - afraid the only thing you can do is be his friend. He has to make his own mistakes and if he still has feelings for 'Lucy' there really is nothing you can do about it. All you can do as his friend is talk to him, try and convince him do the right thing by 'Kate' - whether thats break up or not - and be ready to support whatever decisions he makes. Of course if he asks for your opinion on Lucy then you have to be honest - but yes try to be diplomatic. If you sound like your just attacking Lucy, then he is going to defend her. You need to make it clear that your talking as his friend and trying to say what you think he needs to hear.
As for your feelings - that really is up to you to judge the circumstances. I think you need to tell him but you need to make sure its when he's in the right frame of mind. What you feel is nothing to do with Kate or Lucy so you need to make sure it comes out as something completly seperate from that. Just be prepared for whatever reaction he might have.
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