A
female
age
41-50,
*esshton
writes:I am a single mother who has been seperated and divorced for nearly 2 years now. I started dating again while I was going through my divorce and met an amazing man. He had just been through a divorce as well (no kids), and we found it comforting and supporting to be with one another during that time. We took things very slow and eventally fell in head over heels in love. We have been together for a year and 2 months now. Friends are starting to put pressure on him about when he is going to propose...and it has totally freaked him out. It led to a conversation where he tells me he loves me so much, but is not in love with me...this only 2 days after he told me he was madly in love with me. We are still together, but I can't seem to get it out of my head. I by no meansready to jump back into a marriage with him or anyone. But I just can't seem to get it out of my head...how could he just turn it off. When I try to bring it up to ask why or if I did something to make him change he says "what does that mean anyway...it's just an emotion". My question to you is am I wasting my time? Was or is he just scared? What should I do?
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female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (19 May 2009):
 I think what is in order here is a good talk. Maybe his friends have freaked him out, but you can counter this by talking to him in a cool, no pressure sort of way. Tell him, "listen, I know what your friends have been saying and I just want to let you know that I'm really not ready to get married. I love you and love being with you, but that's not something that I'm worrying about right now. I don't want you to worry about it either."
Make sure he knows that while there might be pressure from others, there's absolutely none from you. And maybe you should talk to his friends and tell them to chill out.
And then cool off with the questions about "are you in love with me? What happened? What changed?". While those questions are COMPLETELY legit, those kind of questions are going to feel like pressure. It seems like he's pulling away just because he's now freaked out that if he's "in love" he needs to propose. I'd give him a little space to figure things out. I'm not suggesting you go on a break, but just calm things down and let him remember why he's so crazy about you.
Good luck!!
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