A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi my partner has a addiction to looking at porn magazines and acts on them masterbates over them i was just wondering how much of a percentage of partners do this is it that theyre not happy with there sex life and partner i dont know how to think he tells me he loves me but somtimes i wonder if he dose?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2008): Dear Female, some of your responders spoke of occasional porn usage. But you described an addiction--that's different. It's not healthy for your partner to repeatedly and compulsively masturbate to images of women. And it only stands to reason that eventually it will get you down. Many women start out not having a problem with it--until the usage is over the top, the men neglect their families or jobs, or your sex life is negatively impacted by it. Don't question your negative reaction to this. Don't discount your pain. I know it is deep, not something you can negotiate or talk yourself out of. If it's truly an addiction, he needs to get help, and maybe he will if he truly understands the impact on you. If he doesn't, take a walk.
A
female
reader, stivi 123  +, writes (17 March 2008):
This does not necessarily meen that he is not happy with his sex life as many men do do this. Dont put your self down just carry on as normal and see how it goes.
P.S. maybe try some new moves when you are having sex and try oral sex if you havent all ready. Men love new moves !;)
Good luck. Stivi 123
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A
male
reader, wildman  +, writes (17 March 2008):
 I think it is normal for many men. Working opposite hours could definitely be a big factor. I would try whatever it takes to change that. I know my wife and I had to work opposite shifts when the kids were younger to save on daycare, but it doesn't come without a price. I think it might have caused some of our problems today.
I have always had an interest in porn, less when my wife and I have frequent sex. She has caught me masturbating before and kind of laughed it off. At first it was a little embarassing to me, but what can you do but get over it.
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male
reader, Heart22  +, writes (17 March 2008):
I masturbate and look at pornography which I keep secret from partner as she doesn't approve of porn.
I sometimes have masturbated with her in the bed beside me (suspecting she may be awake) but I do it discretely and don't moan or anything.
If I am masturbating in private with porn, it is because I feel she is not available to me (if we've had a fight or she is preoccupied with TV or something) She is strongly against porn, which I think is ignorant of male sexuality on her part. (Men are visually aroused)
I am also very sensitive to the type of porn I look at and do not like anything violent or derogetory. I like romantic porn.
If I had the choice between having loving sex with her or masturbating there would be no question that loving sex with her would win hands down.
I suspect that if you let you partner know you were available to him and interested, he would feel the same as me.
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A
female
reader, ghdpinkboys +, writes (16 March 2008):
No I really think that he just needs some time, youv got to give men some privacy! When I was younger my older sister saw my Dad downloading porn videos! I thought that was because my Mum and Dad wasnt getting along very well, it will soon wear off! In the meantime, talk to your boyfriend or husband, im sure that he will talk things through with you and theres a explanation for all this.Tap back if you want a chat! x
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhe says he loves me all the time see we sleep diffrent hours as he works night shift and he sleeps during the day iam currently pregnant with number 2 i dont know if thats anythink to do with it at the most we would have sex twice a week he is young 6 years yonger than me he said most young guys look at porn
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female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (14 March 2008):
 Lots of men masturbate, and even after they get married/start having sex, some of them still masturbate.
I think that he may love you (not sure) but I think that he just has issues that he needs to work out.
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A
female
reader, asian tealeaf  +, writes (14 March 2008):
 Sweetie, porn gives men a differnt view of sex visually etc, and whatever their fantasy or fetishes are, it fulfills. I'm a woman, I do watch porn, I love viewing gay porn, it's my fetish. It creeped my man out at first, but then, he loves watching anal, and it creeped me out so we talked about it and eventually we came to terms with each others fantasies. So as long as he's not neglecting your needs, I would not worry about it too much. Younger guys have super high libidos, and their sex drive is on overdrive. so you can have sex 4 times daily and he still wants to wack a doodle doo. It's better he jerks off than cheats. As men get older, for some, it wanes off, it no longer is a big huge issue but of course one man is not created equal to all men, so all are differnet. Confidence is important so if you feel insecure about your looks, whatever imperfections you might have, then go to the gym and work out, small chested? Well, if you have money then get implants, IF, that is an option you want to take. I'm very flat, I have man boobs- meaning, none. My man will be buying me my boobs in a year and it's for my confidence in the bedroom. So whatever works for you or, talk to him like he's your best friend, and find out tactfully, what turns him on. Watch porn with him and observe the kind of porn he watches then, spice things up in the beddroom and try different things you think will turn him on and yourself. Be sexy, have the sex appeal and use it to guile him. Women have all the power in their bodies and personality so use what god gave you to entice him. If you react negatively to his watching porn, 100% I guarantee it, he will be more sneaky about it, and sex will be a turn off with you. So use your tact and feminine charm. You will see that porn is only a tool, just like dildos and other sex toys are. A tool, utilise it to ur benefits.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2008): Rubbish. Having a high sex drive has nothing to do with it. This just panders to that tired whim/idea that men just can't control themselves. Rubbish. They do it to enjoy themselves and it is a choice. It does not need to threaten relationships but does when communication is not good, when people can't adjust their behaviour for their partners and compromise
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A
female
reader, sexi  +, writes (14 March 2008):
 Hi
Some people just have a very high sex drive so they look at porn to relieve themselves. You should speak to your bf if you have a problem with that. He doesnt need to look at porn infront of you if you dont want him to, he should do it in his own time behind closed doors. Im sure if you spoke to him about it he would understand and respect your point of view.
Mail me if you wanna chat.
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female
reader, Miss Potter +, writes (14 March 2008):
 Hi, it depends on how often he does it i suppose. If you have a healthy sex life, having sex regularly but he still watches porn I dont think you have something to worry about. If you are not satisfied with your sex life and you told him that and he hasnt responded and continues mastrubation then there is something wrong. Talk to him about it. All guys do it, they like their privacy sometimes. Mastrubation isnt about loving you, its about getting sexual satisfaction the way he likes it. If he is caring and loving and you have sex regularly I dont think you should be worrying.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2008): I have been through this recently myself and the whole issue is a minefield. This is where I am at:
Men like imagery of sex, it does not mean they would actually want to do it. It is like they like to watch football on tv but it doesn't mean they would want to join the team.
If my partner takes the odd look I will accomodate that because I myself enjoyed a look at some lesbian erotic stuff recently. I am not a lesbian though. Did I feel I was being unfaithful to him when I did it? No. The two things were far removed from each other.
If his activity starts to encroach on your sex life that is another matter. There is no way he should prefer a wank over that to a shag with you. My partner gets great happiness from the fact that he is pleasing me. Wanking does not replace that two way sense of satisfaction. If it does, a certain selfishness is implied.
You need to say how you feel and decide what you can and can't live with. If he places value on your relationship he will adapt his behaviour to accomodate your feelings. This is how good relationships are made. It is hard but worth it, I am sure your boyfriend has no idea of how much this hurts you.
As well as the obvious reasons for not liking it much, our society is over-sexualising women at the moment. It seems that we are being portrayed as sexual handmaidens for men and not much more. There isn't much evidence of being admired for our brains, courage and contribution.
I think a lot of women feel uncomfortable about their identities in light of this and I am not surprised. We could be saints and climb Everest, go around the world backwards in a dinghy and bring about world peace. But if we don't have huge boobs, participate in group sex, have a tight fanny and nail extensions we may as well crawl back under a stone. Speak up about your feelings, it is your job!
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