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He looks at explicit sites on the computer and talks to women, but says he'll stop.....I need help!

Tagged as: Dating, Pornography, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 May 2006) 4 Answers - (Newest, 10 May 2006)
A female , anonymous writes:

I have been in love with and dating a guy for a year and a half. I know that he chats with women in chat room and otherwise on his computer. I also found that he posted dating profiles and profiles on very sexually explicit places. I confronted him and he said he will stop, I dont see this happening. What should I do?

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A female reader, Country Woman United Kingdom +, writes (10 May 2006):

Country Woman agony auntSo glad that my words have helped.

Just continue to stay strong and don't accept a life where you come second best. We all want to be number one with our partners so stick to your guns.

Keep me posted eh!!

BFN

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2006):

Great advice from Country Woman. This guy is effectively cheating on you. He is in actuality hanging around in singles bars trying to catch someone.

You need to find out WHY he feels the need to do this. He is doing it because he is not sexually satisified with the sex in your relationship.

Whether or not your relationship will work all depends on him being able to admit this without you having to put words in to his mouth.

If he can be honest about this, you have a means to change things. If he doesn't open up and admit this, it's because he prefers to look elsewhere. Good luck with working through this, I hope things work out ok for you.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2006):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Dear Country Woman,

Thank you very much for your insite! God Bless!

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A female reader, Country Woman United Kingdom +, writes (9 May 2006):

Country Woman agony auntUnfortunately I can only say that a leopard never changes his spots.

The fact that your b/f is talking to other women means that he is not giving your relationship 100% and the fact that he is now putting dating profiles onto explicit sites means that he is looking for more excitement than unfortunately being with you.

I am not one to ordinarily say end a relationship but the signs seem to indicate that things are not going to improve as how can you prove that he is not going to continue going on these sites or use a computer you won't be able to view.

My ex started by just talking to other people online due to work etc and then going into chat rooms and then viewing all sorts online and then started an affair which lasted 2 and a half years. He now views all sorts online and talks to numerous women for dates or chatting. So I do have a little bit of experience of what you are describing. It all started after my daughter was 7 months old and rather than talking to me and helping me through post natal depression he decided to go to anyone else. I know your situation is not the same as mine but once they start it never actually stops and will you ever be able to trust him again.

You need a man who is more into you than talking to a computer which is a complete virtual world.

Trust has been broken and regaining that and finding the strength to view him in the same old way you used to may be jaded now that you know what he has recently been in to.

The only way to resolve this is for you to ask yourself those questions and I am here and so are all the other aunts and uncles so never be afraid to talk to any of us OK.

Take care and bfn.

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