A
female
age
30-35,
*aliMoore
writes:My best male friend and i have abit of a past, on and off throughout our entire 'friendship' we've battled back and forth between friends and more. Multiple times we have expressed we have feelings for one another, but in the almost 3 years we've been friends, we have never quite made it to a relationship.Recently, in the past month or so we've become closer than ever, practically spending everyday together, we tell eachother everything and all our friends and our families assume we're together as they think we act like a couple.My 'friend' claims he has major feelings which have progressed even more over the years and that he really wants to be with me, but feels hes scared to be in a relationship with me, incase he hurts me and if thinks dont work out, we wont remain at least friends.So he likes me, i like him, but he doesnt want a relationship. Yet continues to act as if we're pretty much in one but without the commitment - which would be nice!?!And to add to the situation, since spending more time with him, i have now spent more time with his best friend who i get on with really well (just friends! nothing more, i dont find him attractive) - but my 'friend' is paranoid that something is going on between us, and has become extremely jealous? but in my opinion; if he doesnt want to be in a relationship with me, and i remain single.. then what gives him the right to get jealous of me with other guys.Im unsure of what to do, i enjoy spending time with him obviously, but spending time with him results in my feelings for him remaining strong; which makes me worry that this situation will not be resolved, and this pattern will only continue.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2010): At some point, people will treat you in a way in which you allow them too--whether it be good or bad. If you are having sex with this guy by all means STOP IT. Don't allow him to have access to your life when he wants too, don't allow him to play the old "friends" card. If his feelings have progressed for you as he says they have, although he may not want a relationship per say, he will match those words with his true feelings...in other words, he will SHOW RATHER THAN TELL.
If your "friend" is so afraid of relationships then he shouldn't be dating at all---you don't have to date to have sex. Also, you are being childish and playing games by all of a sudden becoming friends with his friend. ACT LIKE A MATURE ADULT PLEASE. Don't stoop to a level where you are making this guy jealous by even giving the appearance that you are into his friend even if you are not. Out of all the people in the world, you don't just have to be friends with or get close this other guy who happens to be the friend of your "friend."
Live your life, don't get close to this guy, don't allow your feelings to get stronger and you can do this by distancing yourself from him and not being so readly available to him. Don't appear to have feelings for this guy..in fact don't discuss feelings or a relationship for that matter. If he is just a friend, then treat him as one. Don't text, email or call him every day or every other day---just keep this guy at a distance that way you lessen your chances of becoming too attached to him. Protect and guard your heart...that is your job at this point.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (4 August 2010):
Your friend is playing the 'safety card'. That means that you're being kept around either as a spare, or just being kept around for an ego boost. You are absolutely right when you say he has no right to get jealous, and you have every right to see whoever you want to at any time. And, sadly, you're also right when you say this won't be resolved. He won't ever commit, and while you and he sit there wasting time, other guys will pass you by. Unless he wants more (and he really doesn't at all), you need to pull away from him and move on with your own life. You don't want to reach 30 and realized you've wasted your time on a guy who isn't going to do anything. If he really felt strongly, he would make a move. As it is, you seem more like a spare or an ego boost.
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