A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:my bf is 10 yrs older and we have a good relationship. BUT he has a habit of looking at big butts of colored/teen women on the internet. So if hes happy why is he doing this? is it because im old and white? i feel as if im not good enough.
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female
reader, carebare +, writes (10 October 2012):
Don't be offended, hun. All guys (and women too, I'm sure) look. Some guys are just really bad at being discreet and tactful. He's with you because he likes you and you sure as hell aren't "old". I know my boyfriend loves me so when I did notice him checking other girls out I just said, "If I'm noticing, you're doing it wrong". No issues since :)
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 October 2012):
 First of all, OP, please don't call yourself "old ", at 30-35, you are giving quite a jolt to many of us DearCupiders ! There are Aunts and Uncles in their 40s, 50s, 60s , if you are old, what are we, dead meat ? good for the vultures ?:)
Second, a butt is a butt, you can look at it, admire it, lust it over a little bit.... but you can't fall in love with a butt, or marry a butt, or be a butt's best friend , or share your interests , and life with a butt.... these are all things that your bf is doing or will,hopefully, do with YOU. He wants you and your little white butt, for real life. Those others are just a fantasy, a dream. A weakness, if you wish. Quite irrational, and quite innocuous, I think- even if I understand that you may feel bad about this " interest ". Because everybody,deep down, wants to be the ONLY object of desire of our SOs... even if we know that in practice it does not happen, -people WILL look at what catches their eye, ....(probably including you. Never said "wow" looking at at pic of Brad Pitt, or Denzel Washington, or whatever celebrity you like ?...) So, you can tell him, in fact you can demand, that he won't be too obvious , and that will surround with much discretion his butt staring.
Other than that, don't feel it has got anything to do with you .
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2012): OP I have a very toned physique, I have an 8 pack and solid chunk of meat of an ass and big muscular arms. My girlfriend loves my body, perhaps you too think that is quite a nice body to look at and perhaps even in your fantasies would imagine what it's like to run your hands over it. It's not a big deal though is it? that wouldn't for one minute mean you're unhappy with your boyfriends body would it?
Now even if my body isn't the type you like can you seriously tell us that your boyfriend has literally every physical feature like in a man? Seriously he's that perfect and you only like one type of body which just so happens to be his? OP his thing with 'black booty' is just an exotic fantasy, nothing more. There is no chance in hell he'd be with you if he didn't think you had all that he wanted and weren't enough for him. We all have our fantasies OP, we all dream of different possibilities and we all imagine different scenarios, you surely have your own too. Perhaps you read 50 shades of grey, isn't that the same kind of thing? Imagining another romantic, albeit horrifically badly written, possibility? Don't you watch a movie and imagine what it's like to be romanced in that setting by that hunky yet sensitive guy?
Try not to let it bother you, the one great thing about fantasy is it's never a comparison. There is no woman in the world that can compare to my girlfriend but it's fun to fantasize about other realities, other women and enjoy the beauty of the variety in the female form. I mean big asses are an impressive sight, as impressive as a man with an 8 pack or huge pecs or a woman with deep blue eyes, or a smile that melts the heart.
It's not a reflection on you in the slightest and if it bothers you ask him about it and ask him to be more discreet about it as you don't really want to see that kind of thing.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (9 October 2012):
 I agree with Honeypie... truth is he's with you because the sum of you is greater than the parts... and we love a person not just their parts.
my husband finds slender tiny Asian women incredibly attractive and is rude about looking at them but in the end he comes home and is with me... not them. and I am
A. old
B. NOT slender
C. NOT Asian
does he know it bothers you that he does this?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 October 2012):
 Maybe you need to let him know that he needs to stop ogling (if that is what he is doing).
We like what we like physically, but that doesn't mean that BUTTS are all he likes. He is WITH you. Not with a girl with a big butt.
I notice a good looking guy if one walks by,but I don't ogle. I've been married for 14 years it doesn't mean that the ONLY guy I look at is my husband. I married him, I didn't go blind or stop enjoying a good physique.
You ARE good enough. That is why he is with you. He just have a lack of manner and tact.
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