A  ,
*exylinz
writes:Hey everyone,OK so I've been with my boyfriend for 18 months and he's lied to me a lot, although the other day he crossed the line. I'd found out he'd been sending pictures of his genitals to other people via texts. When I asked him about it he denied it, but after a bit of nagging finally admitted it.Now I said I'd give him one last chance, but I'm not sure I can. Every time I'm with him I don't feel happy at all. I just feel like crying.I've tried to split up with him, but every time I do he either tries to commit suicide or he threatens to. What can I do?
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female
reader, Ftuley +, writes (4 November 2005):
 No one has the right to force you to stay in a relationship if you want to walk just walk!
People who do that are sick people who need help, but unless you are a professional to deal with situations like that you might as well leave or you will end up feeling the same way as he does.
You have a life to live, let him live his life the way he wants to but he has no right to tell you how you should live yours.
I been in this situation before, my ex came home with lots of tablets and seat down staring at them. After a while he pretended he took them and started to look sleepy, i went up close to his face and said nite nite i `m going out, you should see how fast he got up trying to stop me, but this was the guy who had done so many things like that, like jumping in the sea in the middle of the night, almost drove to a wall with me in the car just to scare me.Things like this went on and on felt like forever.
Now... you want to know what that did to me?
Five years in that relationship, i was suicidal myself a month before my baby was born, the hospital wanted sent me to a rest home, as soon as i had the baby i was put on antidepressants and was kept on them for a long time, till my doctor said to me, the day you leave your boyfriend i `ll take you of the pills, i didn't understand and asked why? so he said to me, because the reason you are like this is because of the mental and physical abuse you get from your boyfriend, he is the one who needs a psychiatry not you, he is doing this to you.
So i found courage at some point to say enough, yeah he tried his best to stop me once again saying he wouldn't live without me and the baby, but he did and he is still out there walking, he didn't kill himself after all, but nearly.... killed me!
So my advice is do what is best for you!
Best wishes
A
reader, pops +, writes (20 October 2005):
I lived with a woman who threatened to commit suicide repeatedly, and I stayed with her. I tried to get her to get help, but she refused. I called suicide prevention and talked to a doctor who agreed to come out to my home and talk to her. She locked herself in her bedroom, refused to talk even through the door, and would not come out until he left. The police talked to her about getting help. Finally, I asked her to move out, some 2 years after I had gotten a divorce. MY sister had asked me how I would feel if my exwife committed suicide, and I told her, "horrible!" She then asked how I would feel if some years from now, after she had moved out , she committed suicide, and I told her, " Horrible ". She said if you can't stop her from committing suicide, and living with her just makes you miserable, why not at least end your misery? You are going to feel horrible if she kills herself anyway, so why not at least try to get a life? The day my ex-wife was moving out, she wrote a suicide note, and left it at her mother's house, then came to my home, and committed suicide about 2 hours before I got home from work and found her body. I felt horrible.
You can do what I did, or you can leave him NOW. There is no guarantee that he won't do something stupid, but he can do that now, or later. Because of your feelings, you will feel badly if he kills himself, whether it happens today, or ten years from now. Prepare for that. YOu are not in control of him. But you are in control of YOU! So, get away from him, as others suggest above. In both the long run and short run, your life will be better without him. Wish him, well, but get away from him.
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female
reader, Kay-the-Cloud +, writes (18 October 2005):
Break up with him and let him commit suicide then! I bet you he wont do it. He's controling you which is not a good thing. You obviously don't like him anymore and it sounds like he's not at all bothered with you so just dump him. If he kills himself it's his problem for being such a bad boyfriend. Good luck to you!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2005): he tires to harm himself to keep you there and look it is working, my friend had a boyfriend who used to treat her awfully and when she tried to leave hed say im going to kill myself and shed go back but this one time she said ok then do it see if i care and hes still walking and breathing today now shes in a good relationship where her partner worships and respects her. i know it really hard to end a relationship with somebody you love but if your feeling the way you are your not doing yourself any favours. youve got to be storng and know there iss omebody out there for you to love who will love you back and never lie to you either, if he is sending pics of himself how do you know he isne cheating?? good luck hun x
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (18 October 2005):
 By staying with him every time he threatens to harm himself, you're very effectively teaching him how to manipulate you. Don't be held hostage to that kind of trick. HE'S responsible for his own life; you aren't. HE'S responsible for the way he feels; you aren't.
Let me take this situation to a logical extreme, just to make a point. He's already demonstrated that he will lie to you to cover up his lapses in judgement. By sending photos of his plumbing to other people, then denying it to your face, he's hurt you twice. When you try to break up, he just pretends that he'll kill himself, dragging you back into his maelstrom. So, where do you draw the line? Are you going to be a slave to his threats until you both die of old age? You're going to endure his lack of respect, his bad judgement, his lying and his manipulation for... how long?
That answer is up to you. If it were me, he wouldn't see me for dust.
He's had 18 months to show you what a wonderful person he can be, but it doesn't sound to me like he's shown you that at all. In fact, he sounds scary and selfish.
Tell him it's over and that he's responsible for his own life from now on. Staying with him because you think that he'll hurt himself otherwise (and this is probably a hollow threat that he keeps using because it keeps working) is no kind of relationship at all.
Be brave.
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female
reader, bee +, writes (18 October 2005):
dump him! He is highly irresponsible holding you over a barrel with threats of suicide. i knwo you're freaked out but if he does anything you CANNOT be held responsible in any way. How he handles himself is his choice and only his and you can never, no matter what you have done be that much of a problem to him. And the thing is, you've done nothing wrong!
He sounds very manipulative and odd to me. Sending those attention-grabbing texts then threatening suicide is just weird and dysfunctional. Walk away - I bet he will do nothing to hurt himself really and if he does, that's because he's crazy.
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