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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi there,I'm 14 and in August my uncle passed away. :-( He was only 43 which made matters worse. I can't seem to move on. I go out with my friends shopping etc every now and again, and they always make me feel a bit happier but when I'm alone I can't stop thinking about him. I get myself all upset and then I feel stupid. I go and stay overnight with my aunt and cousin often and we always have a good time but I can't seem to move on. Please help..xx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2005): Hi, well I know how u feel because in August I lost a close cousin of mine. She was 24, and had a 7 month old daughter and a 6 yr. old son. That is one of the things that hurt me the most, seeing my little cousins without a mother. It's still very hard for me to get over it and to accept that she is no longer here. I'm just trying to live my life the way I know she would have wanted me to. I also go out with my friends, and if I feel sad I talk to them or to my parents about it. Sometimes it is good to just let everything out, and crying helps a lot. Don't feel stupid about the way you express your feelings or because you think about your uncle. It's good that you remember your uncle, and although your trying to distract yourself, just keep in mind that he will always be in your heart no matter what. Moving on will take time, especially because he was very dear to you. Just think about how your aunt and cousin are taking it, it seems that they are trying very hard to continue with their lives without your uncle. Try to do the same, I hope I helped you in some way. Take care, and don't worry it just takes time.
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female
reader, Kay-the-Cloud +, writes (18 October 2005):
Death is a very hard thing to get over. I lost my very first friend when I was 6 years old. Everyone told me that I would get over it in a few weeks. I'm a teenager now and her death still upsets me. You have to remember all the good times you had and do something that would make them proud. Even though their body is gone, their sole still remains in your heart. Don't always look at death as a bad thing. I'm sorry to hear about your uncle and I hope this helps.
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (18 October 2005):
 Hey, I'm really sorry to hear that. Dealing with the death of a loved one isn't something that you 'get over' in a matter of weeks. This is even more true when you were close to that person. Think about it: if a family pet had died, you'd still be sad after this much time. How much worse is this, when it's a relatively young man!
Give yourself some time. It's only been a couple of months. Speaking personally, I'm still sensitive about the death of a dear friend... and he died in 1995! There's no shame in grieving; it's not a sign of weakness. It's a sign that you're human.
Going out with your friends from time to time is an excellent idea. It's great to have a lighthearted time to remind yourself about all the good things you have to enjoy in your life. But when you start to feel depressed and sad (and maybe angry, because someone you cared about isn't there any more), accept that it's perfectly normal. Everyone has their own timetable for dealing with grief and sadness. Maybe someone else would be past this shock already, but that's not important, because that "someone" isn't the same person as You.
Don't feel stupid for being sad. If you don't recognise your own sadness and allow yourself to feel it, it takes much longer to pass.
I'm sure that you'd be helped if you could just talk about your uncle and how much you miss him to someone. Maybe you should mention the idea to your folks; all schools have guidance counsellors who are trained to listen when you have a problem and to make suggestions to help you. It's a service that's confidential, of course. Investigate that possibility, because you'll find that just being able to speak about it with someone listening will help you deal with the loss.
Hope this helps.
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