A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have known my partner for two and a half years and living at his home for the last year. He has a apartment in Florida and told me that a friend and her two daughters needed a place to live and moved her in. He came back to the u.k and basically it turned out, there was no children and he had made promises to her. He realised she was a mistake and we got back together. I have just found out he also had a month long affair out there with another and whilst in the uk met another woman twenty years his junior and has seen her a couple of times. He again is very sorry and loves me!!!, the trouble is i truly love him. It helps to write it down because it makes me realise that he has commitment issues and runs. He bought me a engagement ring and i wore it for four days until he informed me it was a friendship ring!!, he has backed out of a house sale and lies about his heritage, his age and just about anything....please give me the strengh to move on...its frighteneing as i gave up my job to be with him and feel very distressed as i do love him......should i stay or go ??
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female
reader, chocoholicforever  +, writes (4 February 2011):
I don't think he has 'commitment issues', rather it sounds like he has integrity issues and honesty issues as well!
You know that he will continue to pull stunts like this for as long as you continue to stay with him. there is no reason he will change.
Are you sure you love him, or do you just feel an emotional attachment to him because you've invested so much in the relationship?
It's time to cut your losses, the sooner the better.
Just end things with him, even if you don't feel strong, just do it and take it one day at a time. Move out, cut off contact, and if he tries to contact you don't entertain his calls because you know it will just be more lies but in a moment of weakness you may get sucked back into this hurtful relationship. Every time you think you can't leave him, picture what your future will be like 5 years from now if you're still with him. Imagine what new worlds of hurt you will have had thrust upon you then. Imagine yourself being even more emotionally beat up than you are right now. Really try to imagine how you will wish that you had left him years ago. Then realize that you do have the chance to do that, and it's now.
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (1 February 2011):
 My heart totally goes out to you and I know how that pain and distress feels. He is a cheat and a liar...he's never going to change and he should consider himself blessed that someone loves him at all.
I went through a similar thing. With the guy over two years, lived with him and he cheated on me several times and his lies were confusing and uncontrollable. I ended things almost a year ago and now when I look back, I wonder what the heck was I thinking!! It was tough to get over my love for him, it was tougher to be on my own again but it taught me that I don't ever want someone to treat me so badly again.
You have given up a lot for this man, but you need to begin to start a life plan of your own. Home, money and work all need to be part of the deal. Focus on what is going to give you a stable future and a solid base from which to live the rest of your life.
I wouldn't tell him anything, you will only get lies as answers and you really should not trust another word that he says...so don't bother one bit what happens to him.
He will most likely drift in and out of casual relationships for the rest of his life...I know my ex is still sleeping around and picking up with this woman and that. He contacted me at Christmas and I won't repeat what I said!! (despite the fact I still retain feelings for him) there was no point continuing.
Love and romance will come again, but you have to make your move now so that you can rid yourself of all the pain and hurt. Lifeis way too short to put up with someones bad behaviour and lies.
A big hug and keep your chin up...a year from now, your life could be going in a very different direction!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2011): He is a serial cheat and I suspect will not change. Do you want to turn a blind eye because you love him. There is every likihood that even if he says he'll chance, he won't. He has decieved you badly. Ask yourself if you would rather be with him in this flawed relationship (him having flings and the inevitable lies)or be on your own for a while - it is a simple as that.
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A
female
reader, wants2bhappy +, writes (1 February 2011):
Oh dear! That is so sad that he is treating you like that. It seems like you are there for him, just in case he gets bored of another woman or just to have someone. he seems selfish and narcistic, because everything seems to be around him, he is the centre of the decisions, he makes his decisions and acts without considering You for example. You are wasting your time with him. Do you really love him?What is is that you love about him?
JMTMJ is right about saying : Stand up for yourself!
This guy is stepping all over you and no idea how to treat a woman with respect and as a human being.
It is never too late to find true hapiness. Go out and look for it. When you find it, you will think about this guy as a pathetic joke.
Also, by letting him make a fool out of you suggests that you don't have much respect for yourself.
I wish you good luck and happiness...
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (1 February 2011):
 Commitment issues?? Commitment issues?!?! That's what you're choosing to focus on here?? With all due respect, you've become a doormat for this pathetic excuse of a man. The last thing you should be doing is almost rationalizing his lying and affairs by saying he has commitment issues!
Where's the outrage? Where's the attitude? You deserve better than to be treated like this and you know it.
Stand up for yourself!
Also ask yourself:
Do you really love him? Or do you just not want to be alone?
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